Got emotionally involved with a sociopath

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by mihmihero, Jun 4, 2019.

  1. mihmihero

    mihmihero Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone! I really need your help/advice regarding a recent incident that happened in my life. So a while back I made this post:
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/almost-had-sex-but.228945/

    What i was asking in that post is relationship advice regarding a religious girl that i met. So long story short, I got really close to one of my housemates, she kissed me and right before we had sex she told me she didnt want to have sex because it would make her bad in the eyes of god. I accepted that but then she became really awkward and wouldn't speak to me. I then got frustrated ad relapsed, breaking a long streak. Everyone in the comments told me to forget and move on, as hard as it is being her housemate for another 3 months. I took the advice and everything was a bit better for a while untill this happened.
    So a couple of nights back, I could hear a guys voice from her room and I thought "Wait what? Must be a phone call or a family friend" Next morning, I hear the same voice and I think" Hold on, her room is tiny, theres absolutely NO space for a second bed so they MUST have slept on the same bed" My suspicions got confirmed today when I saw them kiss. Something snapped inside me that moment, Its like my blood started boiling inside my veins. I held back so i wouldnt give her the satisfaction of showing her that it annoyed me but goddammit it DID.
    A few months back she was like " I dont wanna have sex with you because I'll be bad in the eyes of God" but what she meant was "I dont wanna have sex with you TOO, because that would make me a cheating whore in the eyes of god" but she was fine with leading a guy on for months and playing with his feelings. She saw me almost every day, knowing that she had no intentions of doing anything with me and still led me on just for attention and affection and then went to the other guy.
    I just feel so disgusted and full of rage. At least shes moving out of the house today so I never have to see her again but still. I just cant beleive the evil in this sociopath. To lie, manipulate and hurt people and then call herself a "devoted christian" and go to church with a clear conscience. This was also a week after being baptised mind you. I wouldnt be suprised if the water turned black when she got in. I'm an atheist and I'm STILL dumbfounded that she would use the name of her God to lie about cheating. Like, even I think its disrespectful and i dont even believe in the guy. I meant no disrespect to religious people, I support religion but her hypocrisy just stuns me.

    Guys I'm in a really tough spot and I need your advice, especially if you are religious and you can shed some light on her reasoning(if any).
     
    Tafi likes this.
  2. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    In short, she rejected you. Whether for god or a human, she rejected you. Reason? Humans. Nothing baffles a human being more than another human being. You feel humiliated, you had a big loss and are traumatized.

    Finding out the reason I doubt will help much. You fell in love and had hopes, but for whatever reason she decided to reject you. I recommend a movie called ‘30 days of summer’, it has a very similar plot as your experience.

    Advice on what to do? It’s tough but in a short while will bounce you back. Sit alone in quiet every day for 20-30 minutes, think about the event, let the rage take control, but don’t allow any judgment. Sit with the pain, with the rejection, with the humiliation, with the fear for as long as you can (it usually subsided after a few minutes of feeling like you’ll die).

    You need to process the emotions that you feel, don’t try to numb them through overthinking or with substance abuse or behavioural compulsions. Not dealing with the rejection, loss and trauma will have some not so nice consequences down the road.

    And treat yourself, don’t let yourself down.
     
  3. mihmihero

    mihmihero Fapstronaut

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    Exacly! I couldnt agree more with what you said. It might be funny but I said a very similar thing to another guy in a similar post to mine not too long ago. I told him to move on because the girl rejected him for whatever reason and her intentions dont matter. I also remember asking " if you got stabbed, would you asked the attacker why they stabbed you or would you go to the hospital to get help?" I guess its time to take my own advice now haha. At least now that she's moving house I wont have to see her every day and get reminded. I'll actually have the time to deal with the emotions of the experience now that the trauma wont get refreshed every day. Overall, great advice and great post. Thanks!
     
  4. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    Great to hear! :)

    My problem is that, I'm in a similar situation, but I work with the lady and I see her almost every day. From very close friends, nothing romantic, yet intense and exhausting, we've now become less than good colleagues. I know your pain, I more or less have it too, in a way, and it freakin' hurts.

    Taking your own advice is probably the best, yet it takes discipline, self-trust that you can actually care for your own emotions. That is the difficult part that most of us, sadly, nowadays lack. :(
     
    Kiz Whalifa and mihmihero like this.
  5. Fightyourlowerself

    Fightyourlowerself Fapstronaut

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    This is probably a blessing in disguise? She sounds like bad news man.

    Oh, and be ready for her to come back and try it on again.
     
  6. mihmihero

    mihmihero Fapstronaut

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    Thankfully, shes moved to Holland now. Its nice to think that shes going to be a whole country away from me(Im in the uk) and I'll never have to see her face again. Once we are done with the house, I'm planning to unfollow her from all social media so I dont have to ever talk to her either. I'll block her number as well. She's probably thinking of doing the same thing once she sees that she no longer needs me. I think thats for the best as seeing her name on Messenger and having her posts on my feed would just stir up old, bad memories.

    As for the blessing in disguise thing you said, I totally agree! I couldnt have dodged a bigger bullet. Imagine if i didnt find out until a couple of years into the relationship or even worse marriage. Now THAT would devastate me. At least she taught me a LOT of valuable stuff like dodging HUGE red flags for one but now, just the thought of her is pissing me off so its time to forget and move on I guess.
     
    Kiz Whalifa likes this.
  7. Fightyourlowerself

    Fightyourlowerself Fapstronaut

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    Yeh just try and forget about her and continue with your personal journey
     
    Cool I Can Use Spaces likes this.

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