After 10 years of fighting PMO, I have given up. I can no longer fight this, it is stronger than I. After every previous relapse, I would always have some glimpse of self-hope—I could always think of something that I could do better to make sure I never relapsed again. But after my relapse today, I realized that there's no such thing. No matter what I do, no matter what sort of recommitment I make or what sort of habits I form—eventually my mind will change, I will stop caring, I will relapse, regret it, and continue the cycle. So I've given up. This afternoon I was trying to practice piano, but just could not stand it, so I got up and just laid on the ground on my back for a long time, just speechless because I had finally reached rock-bottom. Eventually when I found words, I prayed to God. I told Him as plainly as I could: "I cannot do this. I give this addiction to you. Take it away." And for the first time in a while, I felt that a burden had actually been lifted off of me. The frustration of continuing to relapse was gone. On the outside, I will fight harder than ever. I will journal 4 times a day, talk to my roommate every morning and night, text my dad every morning and night, pray throughout the day, pray every time I open the internet, talk to three accountability partners on NoFap every night, and post to NoFap every night on this journal. But on the inside, I have given up—I will no longer worry or let this control me. I have finally placed it in God's hands. If I never relapse again, let His name be praised. If I relapse every day until I die, let His name be praised. I don't think everyone needs to approach it this way, but I see no other option at this point. I've been trying to fight the same way for years, when I realized I was fighting an enemy stronger than I. Jesus has already won the war. I need to let Him give me victory. See you guys tomorrow night. Feel free to post anything you want.