Girls don't want kind or nice guys

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Iscarpia87, Oct 7, 2016.

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  1. Iscarpia87

    Iscarpia87 Fapstronaut

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    They want a guy who is assertive, confident, "alpha" male bullshit. Now, not saying that kind or nice is a drawback for most girls, but if you lack the former the latter isn't going to mean diddly shit. Also, you have to know how to play all these stupid fucking games, and like every game there are winners and losers. Some are more adept and talented at this, others have to learn or be left out in the cold. I'm officially resigning from this bullshit. For my mental health (being dead serious, I already have mental problems and this shit does not help), I can't be bothered with it anymore. Maybe I'll be single forever, oh fucking well. It's better than being in a shitty relationship cause I was desperate, or trying to be someone I'm not to "win" a girl over. It bothers me, yes, but I want to try and not let it. Taking my fucking "masculinity", castrate me and shove my testicles down your throat. Put a giant UNWANTED tattoo on my forehead, at least I still have my identity and never betrayed my values. Some people aren't meant for real love or a genuine relationship. I won't bow down to societal pressure. It doesn't matter how great of a guy you are and it never will. I'm done.
     
  2. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Geez man relax. I know it's a lot of fucking bullshit, especially the games, but there's no need of belittling yourself like that. As part of my nofap journey I've done A LOT of self development, especially in the area of interacting with girls. I do agree with you about girls liking someone who is confident and assertive, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to be an asshole too, it just so happens that assholes are both confident and assertive. They want men who who will stand up for themselves and not act desperate towards them. Nice guys get the name nice guys because they bend over backwards for the women, put them on pedestals and make sacrifices in their life in an attempt to win over the girl. Most of the time it doesn't work or they'll get into a toxic relationship where the girl walks all over him. Now I am generalizing here, but that's the basic idea.

    I know it's hard to have self-confidence and to stand up for yourself, I fucking do. I'm 29 and have never been in a relationship, but I have gone on multiple dates at least. The NUMBER ONE reason why I haven't had a girlfriend yet is because of my confidence issues. Thankfully for me it mostly stemmed from my PMO use and how I sheltered myself off from the world by staying in and playing video games and other such activities, so I've been able to rebuild my confidence simply by changing my habits. The hardest habit for me to break is being nice and needy, but now that I know that it's one of the biggest if not the biggest turn-offs for girls, I am motivated more than ever to change my ways.

    Don't throw in the towel man, there's someone for everyone out there. You need to focus on the positives and not the negatives. One of the biggest things that helps me when I get rejected or whatever is to think to myself that it sucks to be her, because she's passing up a once in a lifetime opportunity to be with me. She'll think back one day and regret not giving me a chance, and that there's some lucky girl out there who I haven't met yet who's life will change when we do meet. Cocky? Yeah, but you need to believe in yourself and take care of yourself first and foremost.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 8, 2016
  3. Wanderer90

    Wanderer90 Fapstronaut

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    I've found this stereotype to be mostly BS. Many mature, mentally and emotionally developed women actually do want a kindhearted man. Only insecure women, whom I'd be more inclined to refer to as "girls" would play such games as the ones you are speaking of.

    Now, about the nice guy thing... Where the misconception comes from is that most self-proclaimed "nice guys" are actually passive-aggressive douches (not saying you personally are one of those, I don't know you) that feel entitled to a woman's attention if they behave nicely to her and do nice things for her. That's not the way it works. You are kind to people because you enjoy doing good onto others and because it makes you feel good about yourself, life in general, and to see people happy. You don't ever do it to get laid.

    So my advice would be to look in the mirror, fix the misconceptions and limitations you have about both yourself and about the way you perceive an entire gender, and then, once you figure out what you truly want and who and how you truly are, you start looking for that one woman that is right for you and compatible with you. There are many, many of them out there; I believe even slightly more of them then there are of us, so you'll meet a lot of them that float your boat, and probably many more of them that don't. That's just life.
     
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  4. Iscarpia87

    Iscarpia87 Fapstronaut

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    @volt2187 I agree with most of what you're saying, and I'm not trying to generalize all girls cause that's now how the world works. Now as far as being needy or bending over backwards for a girl? Lol! No, I've never done that, at least not to a desperate degree. Hello no, I catch on to that shit real quick and don't let myself get sucked into that. I'm convinced I will always be alone though, for a multitude of reasons that I won't dwelve into. By all means, I believe a girl can find me attractive and be interested. It's the "getting to know me" portion, the real me. I'm too damaged, have unconventional views about some things, and in the end just never a good match. That's okay, I was just venting a little. I want to learn to be okay with it. I don't believe in fate or destiny and I don't want to play mind games, I can't do it. Some people aren't meant for love, that's just a fact of life.
     
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  5. Iscarpia87

    Iscarpia87 Fapstronaut

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    @Wanderer90 yeah, I've never expected anything from a girl for being nice, and didn't say that girls don't want nice guys. That wasn't my point. I can be a blunt asshole when the situation calls for it. And it is a game, one that I don't have the mental capacity for and that's okay. It's better to not expect anything and learn to live with that than be constantly let down and disappointed.
     
  6. Irish Explorer

    Irish Explorer Fapstronaut

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    They want a guy who is assertive, confident, kind, and nice. Also, I don't date girls that play games. After a while you become very adept at rooting them out. In fact, I don't date girls anymore. I date successful women.

    Focus on being successful (whatever that may mean for you) and becoming a man of wisdom (again, whatever that may mean for you). Then you'll be spending your time with a lot of high quality people and as such high quality women will be involved with that.
     
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  7. Denzel889

    Denzel889 Fapstronaut

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    That's so true..
     
  8. akiradavidsong

    akiradavidsong Fapstronaut

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    Usually girls like bad boys
     
  9. BlackKnight

    BlackKnight Fapstronaut

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    Yes girls do but women want a man who's true to them. The whole bad boy shit is all the girls my age are attracted to. Or hood niggas. I may be black but there's no way in hell I'm a hood nigga. I'm myself and that's what I'll continue to be
     
  10. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Well said. I used to use my lack of confidence and insecurities with girls as an excuse to only talk to those who initiated conversations first. Because of this I adopted a negative mindset because, shocker, all my interactions with said girls (10+) never went anywhere and I scared them off by being needy, when they probably just wanted to talk or be friends. I've since been reinvigorated and giving up will never be an option for me, nor will settling to settle.

    Patience and perseverance, it's whats needed for anything worth having in life.
     
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  11. kalos kagathos

    kalos kagathos Fapstronaut

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    It depends on your mental problems. You didn't mentioned what's wrong with you. We are all kinda damaged here and it affect us in different ways.
    If you wanna get laid or find GF, I would start with building social skills - have friends, be confident with talking to strangers and girls, be confident with touching girls and finally and most importantly know how to calibrate and escalate. You should take it easy when you interact with people and have fun with them, make people laugh, but don't be clown.
    For attraction you don't need to be arrogant asshole or "bad guy", just dress well, take care of yourself and your body. It's OK if you're nice guy, you just need to be someone she can look upon. Women tend to be submissive and they like to be lead by man who is strong and knows what he's doing.
     
  12. Wanderer90

    Wanderer90 Fapstronaut

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    So stop talking to those women when you feel they are playing games with you, but don't be rash about it. Like others as well as myself have said, if they are playing games then they are not mentally grown women, they are girls. You want to avoid those anyway. As far as the expectations go, that is a good point. You should not "expect" anything because that leads to bitterness, but there is a difference between not expecting anything to ever happen to and for you in terms of a relationship and just not "expecting" things from a particular woman. "Live in the moment" and all that. Keep your hopes up, keep dreaming, but most importantly, keep working on this. You are deserving of a happy love- and sex life just as much as anyone.
     
  13. Iscarpia87

    Iscarpia87 Fapstronaut

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    Nope, not a bad day, still feel the same today. More like a bad decade. I can talk to girls just fine and be friends with them, have plenty that are friends. I can make them laugh and a lot have felt comfortable enough to tell me pretty personal secrets. It's fine, I don't mind. Yes, I'm awkward, but comfortable in that awkwardness. But as far as playing into society's definition of a man and chasing girls, nope not going to happen. I'll ask them out sure, admit to them I like them when the time is right. I'm not chasing anyone, I'm not going to follow mixed signals. I'm done with this shit, it stresses me the fuck out. I could care less about getting laid per se, that's a game I have no desire to play, chasing casual sex. Hell fucking no. I've had girls aggressively pursue me before, years ago, that always turned me off so I'm sure as hell not doing the same to someone else. Nope, fuck em. The title I chose for this thread was kind of click baity and generalized. I should've titled "Girls don't want me" cause that's the damn truth. They'd break ,y heart anyways, officially putting the last brick on my wall. I'm done. I DO NOT hate women or resent the, I'm not a misogynist. They are perfectly entitled to what they want and if it's not me that's fine. I just have to learn to live with that.
     
  14. Iscarpia87

    Iscarpia87 Fapstronaut

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    @Wanderer90 oh yes, I do stop talking to them when they pull that shit. I'm the farthest thing from desperate and know when to cut ties, I don't appreciate being jerked around and don't tolerate it.
     
  15. Wanderer90

    Wanderer90 Fapstronaut

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    Interesting. I've had women pursue me in the past and I loved it. I mean, I'm hardly "submissive" in public (nor do I believe that I am truly "submissive" in the bedroom despite the femdom porn I've obsessively consumed for the past 3 years), but I prefer having women come after me because I simply find it sexy if she's willing to break that stupid social convention, which seems to be much more present here in the USA than it was back in Holland. Yet, you say "girls don't want me" when in the previous sentence you are saying they've aggressively pursued you? Isn't the fact the actively pursued you a clear sign there's women out there who most certainly *do* want you? So... I mean, let me get this straight:

    Women pursue you + you rejecting them because you find it a turn off = girls don't want you?

    So what DO you want? You don't want them to pursue you, you are not going to chase them... Would you care to elaborate on how you do see things happening in your ideal situation?
     
  16. Iscarpia87

    Iscarpia87 Fapstronaut

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    @Wanderer90 I don't like being aggressively pursued. Of course I like it if a girl asks me out or is interested, that's cool. But if they come after me either desperately or obviously just wanting sex, yeah I don't like that. I'm not trying to paint myself as a chick magnet, good God no I'm far from that, these experiences are few and far between. I do believe a girl could find me attractive, but none of them want to stay when they get to know me. That's my point and I'm not going to try and be someone else to get them to like me or stay. Fuck that. Also, I'm a virgin at almost 29, so there's that. I've had opportunities for sex, one girl who said she'd teach me but didn't want a relationship. I want to be loved, not fucked. That make me weird? I don't give a shit.
     
  17. Iscarpia87

    Iscarpia87 Fapstronaut

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  18. Maddey

    Maddey Fapstronaut

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    "If you dont have the kind of people (especially a women) you want or desire your life will be MISERABLE" -James Marshall.

    Dont worry too much my frnd there are ups n downs in life (more accurately "Shit Happens")....you cant give up on the world you live in.....

    2nd thing is ur a man confidence comes naturally to you....its not something you do or pretend its who you are.....Dont give up......stay away form PMO and keep trying.

    Here's a video which may help:


    [​IMG]
     
  19. Iscarpia87

    Iscarpia87 Fapstronaut

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    @Maddey thanks, I'll always be me, that's kind of the problem. At first I thought you were quoting the guy who started Marshall Amplifiers, ha! I'll check out that video, but usually have a problem with most self-help stuff, I'm cynical about these things.
     
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  20. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    You will find the right person for you. Just don't look for it, be social and do stuff you like. Eventually, you'll meet someone that shares your interests.
    I myself stayed away from the "hunt" and my wife made the first move in the relationship. I refused to hunt and be on the market, I was pretty pissed at the girls of my age, looking for a BF that had more swag, street creds, more popular, etc.
     
    StepsReborn likes this.
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