Girl talk

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by theRegenerator, Sep 8, 2016.

  1. StepsReborn

    StepsReborn Guest

    Yaaasss. This. Seriously, perfectly said.

    I hope you do! I hope everyone does! Lol I hate it.

    Since we are still on the topic, I'll mention one more thing I hate about friend zones. I'm going to give a stereotypical example, but it's important to remember that friendzoning works both ways.

    But anyway, all to often, this is what happens:

    Guy: I'm in love with you!
    Girl: I'm sorry, but I don't like you like that. Can we just be friends?
    Guy: Oh okay, sure.
    ...
    ...
    I'm in love with you!
    Girl: Um... I'm sorry, but I don't like you like that... I thought I made that clear alresdy. If it's too hard for you to be friends, maybe we shouldn't.
    Guy: No no, don't say that! I want to be friends!
    Girl: Okay, cool
    Guy: *showers girl with gifts and compliments all the time*
    ...
    I'm in love with you!
    Girl: DUDE. I don't like you like that!
    Guy: *posts melancholy Facebook status about being in the friend zone*

    Okay, now before anyone yells at me for misandry, I'm definitely aware that (a) this works both ways and (b) this isn't always how it goes down. Sometimes the girl really does lead the guy on, or vice versa, and that's a crappy thing for that girl to do and I don't condone it. But honestly, I've been in this exact situation with at least three different guys in my life, where I've been abundantly clear about my intentions, and they continue to love on me and then get mad that I don't return their feelings. And this is why I hate hearing people complain about the friend zone, because I know that oftentimes, this is what is really happening behind the scenes.


    I think it's a good reminder to all women and men in the world that just because you have feelings for someone, that doesn't make you entitled to reciprocation. I've had plenty of guys I was crazy for who didn't like me back, and that's fine. They don't have to. I'll find someone else who does. I hope everyone else can adopt that kind of mindset rather than getting angry when people don't reciprocate their feelings.

    Also, sorry for the rant or if this is misplaced. It's just the dang friend zone topic that always gets under my skin. There's always more than meets the eye in those kinds of situations.
     
  2. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

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    My 50cents based on my experience: if you're asking for advice about girls, PLEASE never ever listen to women. That shit dont work and you either understand it here or learn it hard way.
    PS: pua routines and pickup lines dont work neither as they present you as something you are not. Key is to personally grow (as a man) and when you do your dating skill will grow along.
     
  3. Sleeping_Beauty

    Sleeping_Beauty Fapstronaut

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    Actually, not listening to women is the main problem with most guys who don't know how to date. They don't know how to tune in to a women, connect with her, see her a human being with her own emotions, motivations, and desires. I see lots of men who don't know how to connect with women ending up relying on PUA advice. However, once a man quits PMO, he has an easier time connecting with people. Then talking to women becomes much more natural/easy.
     
  4. theRegenerator

    theRegenerator Fapstronaut

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    This, my friend, is just pure gold!! Really well said but I'll have to see if it's true too. It's not always like the couple needs to be friends before and then have a relationship. Here's my parents' example. My dad first met my mom at a wedding (the irony), they got to know each other a little bit,then my dad went to my mom's house a few times and she was like really mad because she didn't want to see him any more. She told me she even started crying because she didn't want to see him any more but my dad didn't care, he still visited her, brought her a few gifts and about 6 months later they married. They are now married for like 21 years and from what I can see things are not bad between them.. I really can't find an explanation of what happened in there. How did my mom to from crying because she didn't want to see this guy ever again to marrying him a few months later? Oh, she was 18 and my dad 28 if that matters
     
  5. IKnowBetter

    IKnowBetter Fapstronaut

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    Am I the only one that noticed you're 19 and she's 16? Not sure what country your from but in the United States, ANY sexual contact between the two of you would result in harsh penalties. I know you said you are in search of a connection but your wording implies you're open to a sexual relationship, particularly after you make a connection. Hope I misunderstood your intentions because she is too young for that!!! Not trying to be preachy but this is serious stuff. I'm aware of 18 and 19 year old guys screwing around with their 17 year old girlfriends. When the relationship ended, the girls or their parents went to the police and the guys ended up in jail. When they get out, they have to register as sex offenders for life.

    My advice: Look for a nice girl that's at least 18 to develop the connection with.
     
  6. theRegenerator

    theRegenerator Fapstronaut

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    Umm, no.. You're actually kinda wrong.. I already said I'm not looking for sex. I'm actually the kind that want to keep the sex part for after the marriage. This girl might not be my next wife, who knows but I wouldn't just throw her away just because she's 16.. It's a 3 year difference, quite acceptable I'd say..

    Edit: and no, I don't leave in the US, I'm from Romania and in here the age of concent is 16 and I'm not planning to rape her if this is what you think :))).. Just chill, I know your intentions are good but as I said, I'm keeping the sex part for after the ring part
     
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  7. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    So 18 is the age of consent in the US? In New Zealand it's 16.
     
  8. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, consent is 16 in England. Some people suffer from the delusion that laws and what happens in America is global. :rolleyes:
     
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  9. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut

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    The consensus is that it originated in an episode of “Friends” that aired on 3 November 1994. The season 1 episode 7 show called, “The One with the Blackout”, includes a scene where Joey tells Ross that he is in the “friend zone” with Rachel...

    As long as you don't indulge in denial, why is being a friend of someone a bad thing. Your relationship is not going to be intimate, but you have a friend, right? So, reframe your view of friendships. Surely it is better to receive clear signals or even a statement, than to labour under a false impression that you have a chance for something more, which won't happen.
     
  10. MasturbatieAtelier

    MasturbatieAtelier Fapstronaut

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    There's so many tips allready. My advice: read the book "Models" by Mark Manson. It's about attracting women through honesty. The things in this book worked way better for me than regular 'pick-up' advice. Basically it's about being honest to yourself, acting on how you feel and what you want, taking chances and being vulnerable. I'm now dating an amazing girl because of it.
     
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  11. - Ω -

    - Ω - Guest

    This is very true, and I'm sorry if what I posted gave you that impression. What I was saying was that friendship is a key component to any healthy relationship, so there is no reason to fear it, whether it comes before or after you both decide to be romantically involved.

    Just remember:

    Romance is transitory.
    Friendship is enduring.
    Love is sacrificial.
     
  12. theRegenerator

    theRegenerator Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for clearing things out :)
     
  13. theRegenerator

    theRegenerator Fapstronaut

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    I found a pdf online of it and gave 2 chapters a read and I find it really interesting so thank you for sharing it with me. I identified myself as a rather needy person after reading this far so I'm looking for some ways to decrease this neediness level
     
  14. MasturbatieAtelier

    MasturbatieAtelier Fapstronaut

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    I'm happy that you read a bit allready. It's good to see you allready made an analysis of yourself. It's oke if you're a needy person, you just need to be less needy than she is.

    Maybe if you tell a bit more about this girl and your interactions, it will be easier to give more advice. Did you ask her to go to the wedding together? Or do you both happen to be there? How well do you know her (how many times have you seen her)? Did you let her know in some way that you are interested in her romatically or sexually?
     
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  15. StepsReborn

    StepsReborn Guest

    Depends on what part of the U.S., but most parts is 18, which I think is absurd. 16 is much more reasonable.
     
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  16. theRegenerator

    theRegenerator Fapstronaut

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    Umm.. Okay.. Let's see.. No I didn't ask her to go together, we are part of the same religious association so to speak, pretty small.. I know the bride and she's some relative of the groom.. I first met her about a year ago at a friend's house.. I thought she was cute, we talked a little but she was 15 so I said I'll let her grow a little bit more.. Meanwhile I started talking with a cousin of hers and we had some sort of "thing" (me and her cousin).. We liked each other be she decided to go back to her ex before we even kissed so there's not much to it.. We met accidentally this summer at some other wedding and after that in a one week summer camp.. In the first evening of the camp we did a "crazy" thing.. There were people around and we had some biscuits and I told her to share one of them so I held half of it in my mouth and she grabbed the other half until someone took a picture of us but after that I think I turned a little bit needy and idk, I was kinda avoiding her because I knew I liked her but wouldn't want to make it too obvious (exactly like the book says in avoiding to express feelings).. We chatted a little over the internet, she sent me some selfie snaps(snapchat) these days so this gives me the idea that she might be interested but I'm a little insecure if she sends these only to me or maybe other guys too, I guess rejection kinda scares me but this book really opened my mind and it's so amazing.. I can't stop reading :)).. What do you think @MasturbatieAtelier?
     
  17. StepsReborn

    StepsReborn Guest

    In my opinion, you shouldn't try to hide your feelings. Maybe keep them in check so she doesn't think you're like insanely in love with her immediately or something. But if you like someone, you should tell them. She might like you a lot as well, and if so, she's probably waiting for you to make a move. So you're never going to know for sure until you just give it a shot. I know rejection is hard, but it's worth the risk.

    Maybe see how things go at the wedding and then, if things go well, ask her out sometime after, like over the phone or something. Might not want to put her on the spot at the wedding, especially if she has no idea you like her.
     
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  18. theRegenerator

    theRegenerator Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, good idea but there's a small problem.. Biiiig distance.. I live in Romania, she lives in Austria.. It's about 600 km away.. She comes with her family frequently back though..
     
  19. StepsReborn

    StepsReborn Guest

    Distance can definitely be really tough. But if you fall in love and you're great together, it's not impossible. Again, you'll never know until you try.

    Whenever I'm trying to decide whether or not to do something tough, I always ask myself which one I will regret more: doing it and being rejected or embarrassed, or not doing it at all and always wondering what might have been. Usually the fear of the latter forces me into action.
     
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  20. theRegenerator

    theRegenerator Fapstronaut

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    Good idea.. Never thought of it like that before
     

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