Girl I have been dating is conflicted between me and someone else.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by MarxistCommunist, Mar 19, 2019.

  1. MarxistCommunist

    MarxistCommunist New Fapstronaut

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    For the past month I have been dating a girl in my city, it started by playing games online and got more serious from there. I remember vividly after a dinner date waiting at her bus stop, it was cold and rainy, she was in my arms and I can still hear the sound of the church bells ringing. Never in my life but at that moment have I ever felt so at peace, in short, I caught mad feelings for her.

    Last night we were playing League and she told me she was feeling conflicted as there was a girl she was hanging out with who she also feels a mutual attraction to and she doesn't want to hurt her. We are still seeing each other but I cannot describe how hard this hit me, we did talk about it but I was trying so hard to hide my vulnerability in that moment. When she logged off I went for a walk in the park to try and clear my head, now not only am I an Atheist, but I am a hardline Marxist materialist radical and so on that cold dark hill the fact that I had a spiritual moment and tried to reach out to whatever deity may exist shows exactly how vulnerable I feel right now. In fact walking to the park I saw a rabbit cross the sidewalk in front of me and it stopped about 5 meters away from me, it was so surreal that I felt the rabbit was a representation of myself in that state. When I reached the hill I felt a strong urge to walk to a certain tree, look up into the sky and make some sort of pact that if she would be mine that I would promise to become the best possible version of myself that I could and today I've been working on that by reaching out to people I believe I had wronged in the past. Around the tree I placed a black comb which I had in my jacket pocket in the dirt and then a short stick beside it, on the other side of the tree stump I put a long stick. I interpreted the comb and the stick to represent me and her and the long stick obscured by the stump of the tree to represent whatever entity that may exist which could help us. I know this sounds really corny but all of this wasn't even meditated, I just felt an urge to do this little ritual. I could really appreciate some support right now.
     
  2. abacus123

    abacus123 Fapstronaut

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    Hi there,

    I can empathize with your feelings. I have also done plenty of things that most would consider strange since I really have a flare for symbolism. So there is really no shame in this.

    I hope things end up going the way you want it, but at the end of the day it is her decision if she wants to explore something with the other person. As painful as it might be, a friend (and you are her friend) would provide her with emotional support and encourage her to be honest with you about her feelings. It will likely be painful since you want a specific outcome, but in the big scheme of things it is better if people are open and talk about their emotions with each other. You said there is a mutual attraction between the two of them. I'm not sure how strong this is, but the person you're dating might want to explore that attraction. If that's the case, isn't it the best thing for the person you're dating to do so? Either she'll decide she likes you better and she'll come back to you, or she'll decide she wants to be with her. It might get messy if there is a transition period of some sort.

    Now, you have to think about yourself. If you cannot handle the situation, one would get out of it. In the worst case scenario, you two will not be dating anymore, which is not what you want. I'm sure, however, that eventually you'll heal with time and will find someone that wants to be with you.

    It is hard to be in a situation like this, but try to take care of yourself. I'd try to be open about your feelings and encourage her to be open about hers.
     
    MarxistCommunist likes this.
  3. MarxistCommunist

    MarxistCommunist New Fapstronaut

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    Yeah we did talk about it, she told me she's split 50/50 as of right now and that she is hesitant of going forward being serious with me as she doesn't want to hurt the other girl's feelings (which admittedly bugged me as it's just assumed I'm not as sensitive because I am a male, although I may be better at suppressing emotions). I told her that I'd be willing to continue going serious but be fine with her seeing this other girl but that ultimately a decision has to be made, but this agreement needs to be accepted all three ways. Thanks for the reply though man.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. abacus123

    abacus123 Fapstronaut

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  5. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like a very hard situation. I am not saying it is going to happen but prepare for the worst case scenario.
     
  6. BiaForce

    BiaForce Fapstronaut

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    You need to give her an ultimatum and be prepared to walk away. You have to know your worth and don't settle for being an option. Its harsh but its the truth.
     
  7. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

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    My friend, she is a human being, you are a human being. Worst you can do is not communicate, in fact this is then worst thing almost everyone does.
    You must take the responsibility for how this situation will unfold, actually you must take responsibility for every situation especially if you see indecision.

    So here is a simple solution, you meet with her and tell her honestly, what you feel about her and your concerns about what she said and what you want.
    Do not be a passive party that hopes things will come together.
    Tell her how you felt holding her in the rain, she needs to know that, not this forum.
    Then listen, listen to what she wants to say, what she feels, what she wants and help her.

    Realize that people make decisions based on feelings, and how she feels about you depends on what she thinks you think, and feel about her. If you hide what you feel, then she thinks you do not give a damn.
    So make it clear for her and ask for same in return.

    Then you establish the foundation for being able to talk and you can voice your concerns and wishes.
     
  8. Coolyorky

    Coolyorky Fapstronaut

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    If she was interested she’d tell the other girl about you and how she didn’t want to hurt you.

    Be nice, be polite and friendly but cool it a bit. Go off the radar for a few days. Chasing her won’t work, back off and see if she reacts bro
     
  9. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    Keep a distance from her and let her decide what she wants.
    If you keep a distance you show you are giving her space to think and the girl will sense that.

    It is like the push pull method in pick up. I use it all the time when I get in situations like this.
    When I am too often with a girl and I do not see any progress or it is difficult for the girl, because she also has feelings for another guy. I will just minimize contact from then on. I will just act still normal, but will only send the girl maybe one text the whole day and keep the text short. A lot of girls will get crazy in their head from that and will see how much of a man you are.

    Girls would come back to you. Hungry as a lion that hasn't been fed for 3 weeks.

    Best of luck :)
     
  10. RequestDenied

    RequestDenied Fapstronaut

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    Here's some unpopular advice that works:

    1. I used to be a commie of the sort like you. I thought it made me intellectually superior and chicks would dig it. In reality, I later discovered I was a delusional, low-testosterone gamma. So I hit the gym and that helped.

    2. Here's the actual advice: The worst thing you can do is be clingy and try to negotiate your way into making her like you. I'm not saying manipulate this girl. But don't contact her for a while. Show that you have a life of your own. She'll start craving your attention. The biggest shock to any girl's ego is that she might not be as desirable as she once thought. Your absence will kick this emotional thought into gear.

    3. This is key. Don't act butthurt. If she senses you're being moody and butthurt, she will give you the axe. In her mind she'll rationalized, "well he changed and started acting snarky and clingy." Just act like everything is hunky-dory. People will tell you, "open communication is key!" This is a croc of shit. Just don't do it. Trust me.

    4. If at all possible flirt with other girls. Even better if she finds out. No girl wants to sleep with a guy that no other girl would sleep with. Social proof is terribly important to women. If you can't do this yet, see step 1.

    That'll be $100....

    jk ;-)

    Good luck comrade!
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2019
  11. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    I would say don' try to repress your spirituality, your ritual was some kind of a prayer. Maybe you should visit that church. I am not forcing anything, do what you feel is right, but don't be afraid of this side of yours.
     
  12. Yep u do

    Yep u do Fapstronaut

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    Where is your honor? Are u a man or a sex toy? She is cheating on you with a girl, what a shame, how powerless are you, just because you had a good time.
    There are tons of women better than her. I can feel it easy, the day she wont get anymore pleasure with you she will throw you to the ben.

    At least you made me understand something, marriage is a gift of God Who knows better what is good and bad for us.
     
    goodnice 2.0 likes this.
  13. Mr.Tell it like it is

    Mr.Tell it like it is Fapstronaut

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    Well said
     
  14. Mr.Tell it like it is

    Mr.Tell it like it is Fapstronaut

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    Very True
     
  15. delhiboy

    delhiboy Fapstronaut

    I love your name, i have read marx extensively. I love when i come to know people still remember him.

    To your topic- "if you have another choice, please choose that because i am not an option" just leave man. No need to fret over confused lady.
    There are plenty in this world who can think straight.
     
  16. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I have realized how really toxic this whole situation is. If she was to decide between you and someone else, then bail out, she is not willing to put effort to have a relationship with you, and even if she does, she will probably just look for someone else after that.

    If she really had to decide, she wouldn't have told you she had to decide, she probably just told you so you could get like this and boost her ego. Be a man and push her out of your life.

    And you left this forum so this post is pointless.
     
  17. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I have realized how really toxic this whole situation is. If she was to decide between you and someone else, then bail out, she is not willing to put effort to have a relationship with you, and even if she does, she will probably just look for someone else after that.

    If she really had to decide, she wouldn't have told you she had to decide, she probably just told you so you could get like this and boost her ego. Be a man and push her out of your life.

    And you left this forum so this post is pointless.
     
    Yep u do likes this.

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