Getting the girl I want...

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by F328, Jun 13, 2019.

  1. F328

    F328 Fapstronaut

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    So this is a second part of a post I put earlier about women's appearance because I haven't figured this part of my life out and that's dating , or intimate relationships. Ive dated a few girls recently some for a few month some up to half the year but its one thig I noticed about all of them. They are not the actual girls that I want or see myself with long term , or having children with or any thing serious . I feel like this is an expectation of mine to get the dream girl or the girl I want.. and I cant get her so I am a loser or I judge myself and now stay away from relationship and have for about three months while working on NoFap. im on day 10 btw and feeling the benefits of semen retention , so now that , that's off my chest I know many of you will say there is plenty of girls out there but im looking for what other s have done in order to date the girl they want .thanks
     
  2. EquitableMove

    EquitableMove Fapstronaut

    You are dating, good for you. Don't settle but also know that nobody is perfect. But what do I know. I'm stuck in the friend zone.
     
  3. F328

    F328 Fapstronaut

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    dam that sucks friend zoned , get out of that idk what this means yet I feel like its a lot more of a upset with myself for not being good enough to talk to the girl I want when I see her and thast causing a little pain in my life , I don't wana be in another relationship that im not into a girl after we have sex a few times , or get in a relationship because im lonely mostly the main reason I get in one , today I got triggered by a you tube video describing why some guys don't get the girl they want and that made me think of my self negatively and this can be a source of change in itself , deff need to relax and think clear
     
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  4. EquitableMove

    EquitableMove Fapstronaut

    It's cool. I am allowing the friend zone because we live 6 hours away (she was living here and dating my business partner then they broke up and I am no longer in business with the guy haha drama) and I would rather be able to have a friendship than nothing at all. I want to be friends with them first anyways because otherwise the relationship won't be able to last long IMO. She just sent me a bikini shot today on snapchat, what a tease haha but I will allow it. She is looking for validation and unfortunately when a guy gives it, they lose interest hence the friend zone but she is cool with me so it is helpful for me too. I don't really find myself that much needing a girl anymore and will use it to my advantage when I find my next girl.

    I definitely get what you mean with the not being able to talk to the girl you want when you see her. It sounds like you know what you want, just need to figure out how to get her. I run into that a lot! I always attributed it to my fapping because I would look at the most beautiful girl online then I would get tongue tied every time I see one in real life lol. We just need to gain a natural confidence with ourselves and no fapping has helped me greatly, I hope it helps you too. Have you watched any RSD videos with Tyler on Youtube? He usually has some pretty good stuff about natural confidence with women and the whole validation thing. I put some of it into practice and it seems legit.
     
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  5. F328

    F328 Fapstronaut

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    I’m kind of trying to stay away from the pick up and talking to girls videos because of the pain that dating brings me I tried after picking up a book on dating and felt overwhelmed and like my life was getting out of control trying to become a ladies man with all the techniques I know weird stuff and I feel like it’s an emotional issue that keeps me stuck in dating someone I like or getting myself to this person I just think I hype it up and stop myself with a lot of fearful thoughts and don’t end up following through to some action that will get me closer all the negative things I think of myself so I kind of have a self esteem issue and I don’t want to try to fix it with pick up strategies but you mention natural confidence and that seems practical
     
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  6. EquitableMove

    EquitableMove Fapstronaut

    Yes, I agree with you 100%. I was focused on PUA for a while back in college which is Pick up artists and at the time I didn't realize how misleading it was and girls can pick up on that. That is why I like Tyler and RSD or Real Social Dynamics. He teaches how to be naturally confident and by just being yourself you can pick up girls. There is of course some things that need to be done to create attraction so he reviews those. It's not for everyone though so I don't blame you. I have found myself more outgoing after watching them. I guess the thing is just finding the inner confidence. A confidence that needs nothing from anyone so you aren't trying to find it from a girl that has 100 other guys needing something from her (they can pick up on neediness much easier). Because of your ability to be less needy, more playful and friendly they are more likely to open up to you. The stuff he teaches is for advanced social people who are used to going out and the advice he gives newbies is to just go out and meet people. Don't worry about finding someone and just be present and in the moment and fun to be around.

    Do you workout? That has helped my confidence a lot too. After stopping PMO and watching some of the videos, I go into the gym like a boss now verses before when I would be nervous and barely talk to people. A weigh 140 lbs too so I am one of the smaller guys in the room. Join the bodybuilding group for some workout tips if you aren't already
     
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  7. F328

    F328 Fapstronaut

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    I’m ok with exercise I’m actually needing to back down from training some days as it’s a form of addiction or way I run from my issues it’s a very tight line I walk between training and running from me emotions I’m learning about it’s weird how the mind is so I’m super fit I do crossfit 5-6 time a a week run and training for events I geek on fitness it’s my passion but socially I check out I don’t go out and don’t wanna start I’m real focused and I’m ok with that my expectation is I’ll have a smoking hot girl by now but wonder why not I do t believe a girl will fulfill me and will not but I want to work on this expectation of I should have a smoking hot girl by now even tho I know what I want in life and know I possibly have to cut out social life or dating someone but there is always a voice of doubt when I walk around that just isn’t happy with the women I get and why I can’t get the girl I want...
     
  8. F328

    F328 Fapstronaut

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    Feel like this negative idea and energy can be redirected into a better goal that will help me grow in areas that will be way more helpful and useful than I can’t get the girl...I visualized a specific goal I have of mine and felt much better and my energy will be of better use moving in that direction than worry ,
     
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  9. EquitableMove

    EquitableMove Fapstronaut

    I would agree. Maybe the girl you are supposed to be with isnt ready for a relationship yet or ready to meet you yet. Just give it time and stay relaxed and confident that you will find the one you want. It could happen in a couple of years which is fine, it literally takes no time at all to form a family. All things happen the way it should. Keep trying and stay focused. Glad youre fit, I do crossfit too but I wish I could say it was an addiction
     
  10. F328

    F328 Fapstronaut

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    yeah I love crossfit and belive in the ideas that make it work , I just tend to be the guy performing I grew up playing sports so that was my way of disgtracting my parents a
    Yea I’m just tired of expecting to date The perfect girl I did NoFap in The past along with other stuff like hired a coach and read a lot of books thinking I would date all these girls I ended up being in 3 relationships all broken because once I got them I wanted someone else better I’ most likely will date a girl I like in the future but not until I deal with my need to get the next best thing I think I’m running away from a relationship so I’m guessing I need to work on myself first or be very careful about why I get in a relationship it sucks to do 3-6 month thing and break up ..I got a girls number today but afraid if I contact her I will start the cycle again ,someone mention there is no perfect girl and maybe trail and error is a good approach also maybe once I feel like the girl isn’t the right fit or using my intuition better so that I won’t get into a relationship that drags on for 6 months instead of being just a date one time
     
  11. EquitableMove

    EquitableMove Fapstronaut

    So when you got the number today were you fully attracted to her or semi attracted?
     
  12. F328

    F328 Fapstronaut

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    Fully even though it’s a dating site and most girls are different in person actually ever girl I met was different In person I see she s attractive but in person is different
     
  13. EquitableMove

    EquitableMove Fapstronaut

    Oh yeah lol, girls are soo good at doing that. Especially with the filters nowadays. They remove all blemishes, wrinkles etc.. its ridiculous. It sucks. I try to stay from online dating. But I haven't every given it a chance so Idk it's effectiveness. I thought you were saying you got her number in person. Do you go out and socialize often? As a crossfitter I am sure you don't have any problems finding events and what not.
     
  14. F328

    F328 Fapstronaut

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    so I’m getting hints from my subconscious to look into coaching for dating and did go back to an author and book /podcast and wow it’s opening my mind about my real issues why I don’t get “the girl” and a lot of has to do with how I feel about myself and being needy and stuff like that looks like in order for me to feel “good enough “ I have to work on my issues because I’m stopping myself not just from a relationship but I’m all areas of my life thanks for the tips I’m going to. Keep learning !
     
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  15. EquitableMove

    EquitableMove Fapstronaut

    Knowledge is power! I look forward to hearing your progress. Godspeed!
     
  16. F328

    F328 Fapstronaut

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    Found a coach that really describes and answer a lot of the dating stuff we were talking about his name is Bryan Reeves he has a book out but I mostly am listening to his podcast and they hit the spot on how I wanted to approach porn and my emotional baggage as well as waiting or preparing for a relationship
     
  17. Lakeside

    Lakeside Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure what to say on this topic, except that you'd be surprised where love comes from sometimes. I've never "dated" in the way you're describing because my girlfriend (whom I love deeply and fully intend to marry) is a girl I've gone to the same church as since she was two years old .. I used to despair of ever having a relationship, because I lacked any confidence and I never met anyone. But then in the end I fell for a girl I've known most of my life, and who is four years younger than me; and not only that, but she was the one who said she had feelings for me, rather than the other way around (I did "officially" ask her out a few months later) and I didn't realise I liked her till she said she liked me.

    Anyways, my point is that love comes from the most unexpected places sometimes, so keep an open mind and remember it isn't always something that can be found by looking for it.
     
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  18. EquitableMove

    EquitableMove Fapstronaut

    Very good! Very necessary and I hope you share your findings. May help to start a journal with your discoveries and results :)
     
    F328 likes this.
  19. F328

    F328 Fapstronaut

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    I thought about a journal how do I get that started ?
     
  20. EquitableMove

    EquitableMove Fapstronaut

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