Getting serious

Hi,
time to face it, and act!
I saw a TED on addiction and found out about this site. The text on the site already inspired, but reading is not enough, and however good I seem to be doing, I have the same problem as everyone here. It takes my energy, some time, but the worst is the focus, I think of it too much, and I am less productive every day, feeling bad about it, look for distraction from feeling the emptiness and the loop is round.
It's a spiral, and a few days ago I saw where this is going. I touched the spiral, want to make it go up again. I truly hope that this attempt, of signing up, will help me and others to be strong and get vital energy back. I'm not aiming for superpower, but leading a fulfilling life is my aim, that is, from my inside point of view, facing all the challenges that come with it. Others think of me as an example, warm-hearted, great family man etc, but there's also a shadow. Lets shine some light on it.
I am going for a 90 day P and a strict limit on M/O.
First week, no big deal yet, day 4 now, looking away from the adds on delivery truck that pull me back in temptation,thinking: get those bills ready today, think of that, don't waste your time anymore. Feel successful. That is next.

 

There was some discussion about steps, in a reaction I gave to RayonGavdo.
Steps as in a way to change. The first steps I mentioned were
1. Acknowledgement and
2. the Will to Change
After that one could
3. Define a goal, within reach, aim for succes, be real (for me 90 day no PMO is too big)
4. Make a path to get there, small steps, like what AM in going to DO, what do I want to have done, as a horizon to work for.
5. Close the backdoors, the traps, the weak point, as in signal points, alternative behavior and helplines.
6. Review your plan every now and then, to keep it actual and in your attention.
I know this is very general, and maybe not the guru's way, but I do this to stay away from very negative thinking. And now I know that P is not the way to keep the trouble out. There is an underlaying problem, and I'm ready to face it now. That goes far beyond anything related with P, this is about how to make my life worth living for myself. I know deep inside I want to live, I'll have to find my way, hiding in distraction is not getting me there, rebooting may get me back on my trail. It will not be an easy road, but far more better then drowning in addiction.
Big words, I know, I'll have to remind myself.
For anyone who reads this, hang on! Every good day, is cure for the neural network in the brain!

 

good day today. nothing special to report. Making music!

 

Still on my way! Empty hours after very busy days are the harder times. Opening up on my intentions here is helpful. I notice I am a little less shy, now my behaviour is 'back to normal', that is by my own standards, there is not one standard for all.

 

off for a holiday. Back to nature. Stay strong!