Getting married but still struggling... Help :(

DAMN that is a long time. They know something is up it comes out through negative moments of mediocrity

 

You got me wrong. I am not married or anything. I just never got caught. Let's wish OP good luck on his recovery and a happy marriage.

 

@STAR DUST

I guess it is like Mark Twain and what he says about picking up a frog and being given no other option but to kiss it. Mark mentioned eventually you will have to do it, the only question is when? Do you procrastinate, do it as soon as possible, or knowingly deal with it later?

@Youraveragelds, has disappeared from the NoFap community and has not posted in weeks. I am thinking he will not tell and have to deal with this secret in his marriage. For me it took almost 3 years to be caught after marriage.

Best of everyhing to everyone. I think we all want the same thing.

No one wants to risk a marriage by telling this secret before the marriage. I could not do it. I am just a big fan of open honesty with this addiction in marriage after seeing what it has done to my recovery in a positive way and other addicts marriages after the wife is on the same page.

 

You have been careless.

 

@Julius93

Yes I have, but reading your journals so have you. Everyone here has.

 

Haha. I have never been caught. I am pretty good at this hide and seek game.

 

@Julius93

I took your definition of careless the wrong way. I thought I was careless by not telling my wife sooner, not hiding my addiction better.

If that is the case, I am proud to be careless. I owe my recovery on being careless.

 

@Tiburon727, you could have been proud if you didn't get addicted in the first place. It's the second best thing in your case, I guess. I am glad that you have made some progress.

 

@Julius93 I do not like you. Best if our paths do not cross. Best of luck to you.

 

That’s not for you to decide. Lying is a horrible way to start a marriage and it’s cowardly. Most women don’t find cowards and liars attractive!

 

I have heard this one before. You would like me, if you knew me better.

Each one of us made mistakes. Best of luck to you as well.

 

Nope it’s hiding it take it from someone that it was hidden from and ended the relationship because of it. Don’t fool yourself.

 

Even if, and that's a really big if, 5 weeks WAS long enough for him to completely break free, it's something that'll more than likely come out eventually. I still say build a foundation on honesty if you have the choice. I hid it from everyone my whole life and telling my wife was one of the most liberating things I ever did.

 

I appreciate your perspective but honestly I respectfully disagree I believe it takes a stronger man to keep that to himself do the right thing and turn from porn all together his fiancée has enough to worry about having to plan a wedding she doesn’t need the added pressure of knowing that her fiancé is relapsing and struggling with porn. I believe that all relationships are built on trust and honesty but sometimes it’s all about timing

 

I totally agree. Pmo addiction or heck all addictions almost always involve a relapse usually more than one and addicts are more prone to relapse the less they have been clean. Five weeks is nothing. So it will come out a lie or a lie of omission will effect the marriage more than the actual addiction. The women feel duped tricked into a relationship. However if they are aware of the issue going into the marriage then they can make their own choice knowing all the facts. Not telling is selfish.

And most people want to know about past addiction as well. I mean if your fiancé was a heroin addict clean for five years would you want to know that? I would.

I encourage addicts in this situation to take a trip over to the SOs forum. Because there you can see exactly the pain lying has done to Partners’s.

 

I have a suggestion for you. Please go over to the SO forum and ask this question. Then get back to me and let me know how many women who were in this exact same situation agree with you? Don’t fool yourself.

 

And the “man” you describe would make me want to vomit very unattractive cowardly and selling a line of bs.

 

I’m an open book in my relationship vomit aside there is a context for the intention of protecting her feelings before the marriage now if he can’t quit yes tell her that you are struggling. But for now NOPE

 

You need to talk to your fiancé. Do not get keep it to yourself. Vulnerability is key prior and post marriage.

 

He just has to be cautious. She might vomit on him.