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Get educated, get tools, and learn to love withdrawals

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by William, Dec 16, 2013.

  1. Victor M.

    Victor M. Fapstronaut

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    hey man do you have 600+ days? and also how can i get closer, more connected to people on this page i realy need help and by help i need people to talk to
     
  2. Yes. Too many bring a spiritual or religious or judgmental aspect to quitting the problem. Too many bring a moral aspect to quitting. All those things are fine to have, but at the end of the day, the reason we use artificial sexual stimulation is to get a dopamine hit. That is the alpha and omega of the problem. If slamming our hands in a door gave us a dopamine hit, we would do that. For this problem it is perhaps best to understand we are evolved animals. I know, we are human beings, and we like to say we are different...and we are...but we are still biologically programmed to reproduce. Dopamine hits are there to reward sexual thoughts because sexual thoughts lead to seeking out sex. Seeking out sex, well, leads to sex. Sex leads to reproduction, and reproduction leads to perpetuation of the species. There is a very basic, biological, evolved, reason why we like dopamine hits; they are there to encourage us to do something that in an evolutionary sense is good and necessary--to reproduce. However, we did not evolve with High Speed Internet Porn. Intellectually, we know it is not sex, not reality, but that part of our primitive brain that rewards us with a dopamine hit for thinking of sex, cannot distinguish the thoughts we have in response to porn from thoughts of real sex; it gives us a dopamine hit for both, and eventually it comes to reward porn induced sexual thoughts over reality induced sexual thoughts due to a brain process called "The Coolidge Effect". You see, our dopamine reward center is not just about rewarding thoughts of sex, but also rewards different, new, novel, even shocking, and never-before-thought-of thoughts of sex. So, HSIP becomes addictive because it offers constant novelty. We never have to see the same image twice, and going to look for something different on the net...Yep, dopamine hit. If there was only one very, very, very, very, sexually interesting image on the net, it would not be addictive, and would quickly become boring. But since the sexual imagery on the net has become infinite, we can literally search for the rest of our lives and never see the same image twice. And, since the search is rewarded with the best feeling we can get, a dopamine hit, it becomes, for many of us, an addiction. A lot of guys think they are addicted to porn, but what they are really addicted to is searching for the never-before-seen pornographic image/video/scenario.

    As for M, or my problem, PMO, feeling good; it does. It feels great, that is the nature of a dopamine hit. On some level it is the best feeling we can have. It is just that now, since around 1997, with the invention of High Speed Internet Porn, we can do something that for the last few million years we have not been able to do; ride a dopamine high while sitting in front of a computer all day, all night, never seeing the same image twice, always able to search out and find something never-before-seen. Before HSIP, that was not possible. Welcome to the new age. We, I mean us, the species, have some learning to do about ourselves. It is not an apocalypse, but it is the new drug. Don't let anyone, including yourself, tell you you have to wear those chains. Take 'em off.



    Hope this help.

    Much love.

    William. Broadcasting
     
  3. What does "learn to love withdrawals" mean?

    What is means is there is no easy way out. Quitting porn induced dopamine addiction, which we have used to feed our brain's primitive reward system for years, hurts. We don't just quit riding that dopamine high, we don't just feel "nothing" when we turn that off, we feel pain. If a dopamine high feels like "10", when we quit it we don't just go back to "0", we go to "negative 10". Our dopamine soaked brain punishes us for quitting. That is called withdrawals. Of course, we cannot "love" withdrawals. We hate them. If a dopamine high is the best feeling in the world, a withdrawal from that is the absolute worst. But, the addict quitting cannot avoid them, cannot sidestep them, there is no medicine we can take to avoid them. They will happen. It is unavoidable. The successful rebooter will embrace them, anticipate them, even look forward to the physical, mental, and emotional pain that comes with quitting, that being the withdrawals. For an addict, the withdrawals are actually a good sign. It means your brain is punishing you for quitting, which means you are actually quitting. On the NoFap Boot Camp they call it "getting comfortable with discomfort." Everyone who is here has for a long time abused their brain's pleasure response system by porn induced dopamine highs. We are essentially drug addicts. When the addict quits, it hurts. My message is: know that going in. Do not try and avoid it. Look forward to it as a place in the quitting process that you must walk through. It is OK to understand there is no easy way out of this problem so long as you understand the most important thing to understand: there is a way out.
     
  4. Booster

    Booster Fapstronaut

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    I have found, with smoking and with this, learning to love them, knowing they are a step into being cured , lessens them in some ways. makes them shorter and quicker to disappear.
    Withdrawals always got me smoking again until i used this method, and with NoFap im using the same method and so far four weeks without any major issues.
     
    WonderDNA likes this.
  5. @Booster Thanks for the kind words.

    A guy recently asked a question which I think is a common question involving web cams, chat rooms, and other things we use to MO which are not obviously PMO. The main thing everyone reading this must understand that is that what we are really addicted to is using-artificial-sexual-stimulation-to-get-a-dopamine-hit. It is not just "porn". It can become confusing because there are real people involved, but the rule of thumb is, if it is not actual skin-on-skin-sex-with-a-real-person, it is artificial sexual stimulation.

    My answer to the question:

    This is your first post, so I know absolutely nothing about you or what your purpose in being here is. So, I will assume the worst because you are posting in a porn addiction forum.

    Assumptions:

    1. You are what many call a porn addict.

    2. You may not know it yet, having been here only a short time, but you are actually a porn-induced-dopamine-addict.

    3. For you, a porn-induced-dopamine rush is one of the best feelings of joy and escape you can and do feel.

    4. However, you have noticed it is becoming a problem.

    5. You have said to yourself "I am going to stop or at least cut back", and you did, for a day or two days, but then got back to where you were, and that has happened multiple times.

    6. In addition to feeling you cannot quit or it is impossible to quit, you are starting to have problems with real sex, like, your are not functioning 100% down there, or can't rise to the occasion at all, and you cannot reach O unless while watching P.

    7. Your P use may have escalated to genres and categories a million miles from where you envision yourself in your normal sexuality.

    8. You may not know it, but porn is not just porn. Porn is any artificial sexual stimulation that gives you a dopamine high. In other words, if it is not actual sex, with you sexually touching someone other than yourself, skin on skin, it is artificial sexual stimulation.

    Given these assumptions...

    If these things generally describe you (and they may not, but they do many here), then the web cam is a BAD idea for you.

    Why?

    Porn is not just Porn. Porn is any artificial sexual stimulation we use to get a dopamine high. Web cams and chat rooms can be confusing because other, real, live, people are involved but...it is still not REAL sex, and anything and everything other than real sex that you use to get a dopamine rush is obtaining a dopamine rush via artificial sexual stimulation. In the quitting phase the addiction will lie to you and tell you many things are NOT porn, just to get you to give it a dopamine rush. But you cannot believe the addiction; it lies. Using the web cam was not real sex, despite involving you and your GF. As such you are perpetuating the problem by using artificial sexual stimulation to feed your addiction. Well, maybe you are not addicted, but from your post I see you at least acknowledged you had a problem with porn, which is why you quit it.

    I hope this helps. For me, understanding what was going on in their was the most important tool I had in getting clean. Once you understand you are using artificial sexual stimulation as a button to get a dopamine high, it becomes much easier to quit pushing that button.
     
    WonderDNA, CdB and BlueNotes like this.
  6. Ultra Zork

    Ultra Zork Fapstronaut

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    I am kinda new here. I signed up here only 10 months after my 1st time with PMO. It didn't take me a long time to hate this habit. But a year has passed since I signed up I think. Still failing to quit a habit I only took up in 10 months
     
  7. Leo_Guy97

    Leo_Guy97 Fapstronaut

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    I didn't really read through the entire thread yet but I would just like to tell OP that you have a lot of really good insight. I'm a newbie myself and your post really helped me to realize our powerlessness and how we can turn our weaknesses into strengths. Congratulations, man and thanks for all the good insight. I felt that somehow even if I admitted that I was addicted, I was still trying to assimilate porn with my life, that I could control my sexual urges and allow myself to be artificially stimulated but no more! I've realized that I have to grab this bull by the horns and wrestle it to the ground much like the other troubles I currently face.
     
  8. Thanks for all the kind words. Recently a member asked a question about "hypofrontality." It is a word I do not use much in considering the addiction, but another word we use a lot is "compulsivity." The thing about porn addicts is...the addiction is compulsive. We do not think about it for days or hours and carefully consider how, what, and where we are going to get our porn induced dopamine hit. We just might be on the computer, watching sports, doing homework, being at work, when the urge comes and bam, it takes two seconds to access porn and that wonderful feeling a dopamine high gives us. In quitting, one of the things we have to do is train ourselves not to do that. We can never train the brain not to want dopamine because it is probably the best high we can get. But, we can train ourselves to recognize that we are just using porn to get a dopamine high, and, knowing that, we can train ourselves not to compulsively get that.

    Anyway, for anyone who is still studying the problem, and that means you, if you are reading this, here is a good article on hypofrontality by Luke Gilkerson of Covenant Eyes. Caution: I only endorse the article, the comments that follow it belong to the posters.

    http://www.covenanteyes.com/2014/02/28/hypofrontality/

    Much love.

    WilliamOneAndDone
     
    Summer Son and CdB like this.
  9. A member just asked me what may be the most commonly asked question here: Can I use less P, and just MO, during the reboot? That question is a rationalization and is the addict's dream: to keep using the drug while getting clean. It cannot work. I am not being critical of the member, because I had that very dream myself when I first started trying to quit, although, let's be honest, I was not trying to "quit", I was trying to keep the addiction in my life, because I LOVED the dopamine high it gave me, but was trying to control it. EPIC FAIL. LOL, I was so ignorant, as in had a total lack of knowledge about what was going on between my ears, in my brain. Scientia est potential. Google it. Here is my response:

    Ummm. Yours is a very common, loaded, question. The reason most of us are here is that use of pornography has lead to porn addiction. However, it is not really porn addiction, it is dopamine addiction, as in porn induced dopamine addiction. Thoughts of sex give us a dopamine high. Nothing makes us "think of sex" more than porn. Of course "thoughts of sex" are not actual sex. Thought of sex are "artificial sexual stimulation." Artificial sexual stimulation happens not only when we watch porn, but also when we think of porn, imagine it, remember it, fantasize about it, etc. The problem for a porn addict is that he has sensitized his brain to reward those pathways, artificial sexual stimulation pathways, over the pathways that reward the real deal. The pathway that rewards actual sex has become desensitized or numb. Put another way, it has become less interesting, less fascinating, to the addict, than porn. For a porn addict, sex is boring compared to porn. To the addict, porn is more interesting than sex. Translation: porn is 10 times more reliable than sex as a means of getting a dopamine high. So, again, artificial sexual stimulation is not just porn, it is all artificial sexual stimulation. This would include watching porn, PMO, MO, and watching vanilla porn or other content society does not deem pornographic, but which results in a dopamine high other by means of sexual interaction, as with a living, breathing, real human being. Now, understand, the purpose of the reboot is to take a temporary time in your life, many say 90 days, and avoid artificial sexual stimulation to obtain a dopamine high, cold. As in none, as in we don't play with our triggers at all, meaning we cut out not only watching porn, but PMO and MO as well. For some I advise avoiding O and actual sex during that time, but that is primarily for guys who can't get it up due to PIED, or cannot reach O during sex due to anorgasmia, aka DE, delayed ejaculation, or the inability to reach O during sex (unless thinking about porn.) Soooo, consider the reboot as a temporary time, at least 90 days, in which you are going to have to do something very difficult and painful; you are going to have to consciously avoid giving yourself a dopamine high for NINETY DAYS. May take longer, but by the end of that 90 days, if you have done it right, you will have numbed your brain's sexual reward pathway in its reaction to porn and artificial sexual stimulation. That means you will have sensitized it to actual sex, made actual sex more interesting, more fascinating than porn. But beware, you cannot go back. It is not like you get to take the cure from the addiction and once fixed return to abusing it. If you go back you re-sensitize your brain to porn and numb it to reality. So, long answer to a short question: during the reboot you cannot do MO and be successful because MO necessarily involves, and by definition is, artificial sexual stimulation.

    Hope this helps.

    PS: If this thread has helped in any way, or just encouraged you to consider the problem from a different angle. leave a comment at the end. It is how the thread stays relevant.

    Much Love.

    Will I AM.
     
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  10. The optimistic

    The optimistic Fapstronaut

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    William william this is a great contributiom to our addiction this is a big help this is a new hope this is supportive.THANK YOU
     
  11. Booster

    Booster Fapstronaut

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    This was one of the first threads that helped me when i first came onto this site. just a pity it gets pushed to page 6 by random simple questions, when this thread answers nearly all of them in detail.
    Big thanks to @WilliamOneAndDone .
     
    WholeHeartedly likes this.
  12. WholeHeartedly

    WholeHeartedly Fapstronaut

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    Thank You for this. Out of all the threads, yours has possibly been the most helpful. My withdrawals are painful. Crazy anxiety and depression and pain. Yours is the only thread I found that made me want to push through. I dont think there's enough about withdrawals on here. This information is VITAL to success I believe.
     
  13. Hi guys. Thanks for all the kind posts. A member just asked one of the most commonly asked questions here, which is: Is there an easy way out of the addiction? What the member actually asked, or proposed, is a regimen, or strategy, of gradually stepping down. I have seen it used to failure multiple times here. "Stepping down" means not totally quitting, but gradually cutting back. It goes something like this:

    "Today I will only PMO twice. Tomorrow I will PMO once, and MO once. This I will continue for four days. After that I will watch P, but will only edge to it, then will MO once. I will continue that for 10 days, after which I will watch P daily, and will PMO only four times a week, and MO the three day balance of the week. After two weeks I will watch P only four times a week, will edge four times a week, and only MO two days of the week. After 20 days of that I will watch P only 2 days a week, edge 2 days a week, and MO only once."

    I have had messages from guys who drew up plans to use some variant of using less and less and less, until they get to day 90, at which point they plan on not using at all. Literally, members have sent me plans from day one to day 90, with them letting themselves liberally PMO multiple times in the first few weeks, cut back to MO, then to edging, then porn only, then, on day 90, for the first time in the plan, totally quitting. Problem solved, right? Only, however, the problem is not solved. The problem is actually being strengthened because no matter the method you choose to get your dopamine rush, you are still feeding a dopamine rush. Porn induced dopamine addiction can be starved to death, but feeding it, even a little, keeps it alive to fight another day. A guy who is "stepping down" is not quitting. He is literally keeping the addiction alive. Mr. Obvious here, but we cannot kill the addiction while simultaneously keeping it alive. So, there really is not a middle ground, an easy way out, a way to stave off the withdrawals, or control them, or make them more endurable. There are only two types of guys here, both great guys: There are the guys who are quitting, who know they are quitting, wh say they are quitting, and are wiling to suffer horribly to quit. Then there are the rest, the guys who are trying to control the addiction because they cannot stand the thought of facing life without it. Only you, reading this, can know which side of that line you are on, but I promise you, you are on one side or the other.

    So my response to the member was:

    Hi. OK. I don't know how direct you want it, but you are posting in a porn addiction forum, so that is pretty direct.

    The first thing you have to do is reconsider your problem, and understand what it is and what it is not.

    You are not addicted to porn. It looks like it, it sound like it, but that is one of the reasons it is so difficult to overcome the problem. You, I, and every other guy here uses porn as a button we push to get a dopamine high. Don't mistake the button for the problem. The real problem is using artificial sexual stimulation to get a dopamine rush. Porn allows that to happen...infinitely, really. The problem, especially for a "porn addict" in the quitting stage, is that your dopamine deprived mind will use porn subs, even if you quit watching porn. In the quitting phase, if your dopamine addicted brain cannot get to porn for a dopamine rush, it will trigger on just about anything else remotely sexual, including MO and edging, bikini pics, Facebook, Youtube, R rated movies.

    So, what exactly is artificial sexual stimulation? The answer is both very obvious and difficult for guys like us. If it is not actual sex you are having, it is artificial sexual stimulation. If you are MOing, it is artificial sexual stimulation. If you are thinking of vanilla sex, it is artificial sexual stimulation. Artificial sexual stimulation is sexual stimulation other than actual sex, real sex, with a real, breathing, pulse pounding, partner. If you are sexually stimulated when alone, it is artificial sexual stimulation.

    You are drawing lines and making distinctions that the addict makes to avoid taking the medicine. We hate the medicine because the medicine 1) deprives us of a dopamine rush, which feels like liquid bliss, and 2) makes us feel like total shit due to withdrawals. The addicts' dream is to keep using while getting sober. The heroin addict promises himself he will quit using heroin, and just drink. The drunk promises himself he will quit drinking, and just pop a pill or smoke a cig. That approach works, depending on who is posting, for about 3-7 days, then, bam, they are back in the habit. I have never seen it work for anyone. Quitting a little at a time, stepping it down, does not work. Most of us here have tried it, and all of us here who have tried it, failed.

    Your problem is 100% in the head. This means you need to quit using artificial sexual stimulation for at least 90 days, and possibly a lot more. I like the 90 day number because even if you are not "healed" by then, if you can make it to 90, you at least know you can make it to 90, and if you can make it to 90, you can make it for life. One of the most difficult things you will have to do is convince yourself of the impossible though. For an addict "the impossible thought" is the thought, the acceptance, that you can and will NEVER use it again.

    I have seen many guys try what you suggest, which is to step it down. I have only seen anyone be successful with totally quitting the addiction. The problem with "stepping it down" is that it really translates to "continuing to use, just a bit less."

    You will believe this now, because you choose to, or you will believe it in five months, when you are still here, but one way or the other, you will believe it. Only one way to quit, and that is to quit. No easy way out. Sorry. Wish there was.

    Will I AM
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 1, 2015
  14. WonderDNA

    WonderDNA Fapstronaut

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    powerful FACT... hard hitting in a sense, but so necessary for each of us to look in the mirror and see which one of these we are...

    Your thread is really a great source of wisdom in the battle against dopamine addiction... thank you for the time you have spent in keeping it up...
     
    wally_s likes this.
  15. @WonderDNA Thanks wonder. I appreciate your kind words.

    Over on Reboot, Greg just asked me a question. It has to do with escalation through the categories, desensitization to vanilla porn, and escalation into categories a lot different than the vanilla porn we often start with, including gay porn, and HOCD. My response:

    Hi Greg. Thanks for posting. You ask a very direct question:

    Bottom line is: do you believe porn has caused my HOCD, my weak erections, my premature ejaculaton, my social anxiety and my depression??

    I'll try and give a direct answer based on the information you have given me: Yes to HOCD, yes to weak erections, probably not to premature ejaculation, and it is a contributor to social anxiety and depression, but even without porn, all of us suffer a bit from those.

    When it comes to HOCD, this is a word you have chosen to describe what goes on in your head. HOCD can be understood in terms of sensitization, desensitization, and dopamine highs. Whether we consciously know it, conceive of it, or not, the end goal for any dopamine addict is a dopamine high. I have often said "porn is just the button we push to get a dopamine high", but, in reality, porn addicts don't really need porn to get a dopamine high, and it is not really porn that gives us a dopamine high. It is sexual thoughts, and by the time the addiction develops, it is novel sexual thoughts, over and over. It is the never-before-seen or experienced sexual thoughts that gives us a thrill, the "thrill" being a dopamine rush.

    No one sets out to become a dopamine addict. We only knew it was possible recently, as in the last couple of years. High Speed Internet Porn made that possible. Your father's porn, while fascinating, did not allow for the addiction to happen because it was something High Speed Internet Porn was not: It was finite. That magazine, whatever it was, had a front and back cover, and you could count, if you took the time, all the pornographic images in the magazine. High Speed Internet Porn, though, is infinite, meaning you can "search" for the never before seen image, forever. It is important for you to understand that it is not just "seeing" a sexual image (which just leads to thinking of it), but also that "searching" for the never before seen (and therefore never before thought of) sexual image, that gives us a dopamine rush.

    If there were only one pornographic image or vid on the internet, it would quickly become boring to us. I don't care if it was your favorite one, if it was all there was, it would become boring to you. What excites us, and by "excites" I mean gives us a dopamine rush, is looking for the next new thing. The never before seen thing. Searching is part of the addiction cycle. With High Speed Internet Porn, we can search forever, we never have to see the same thing twice. This has a lot to do with concepts like brain plasticity, and concepts like sensitization and desensitization. For most of us, when we first start watching porn, as in watching porn to get a dopamine high (because that is the ONLY reason we watch it), we watch a genre or category that looks to us like what we think "normal" sex would be for us, whatever that normal is. But, over time, we become desensitized to that category. Part of the addiction cycle is that we need to search for something new and different. Soooo, from "normal" we move on to something a bit different, and maybe even a bit shocking, because a bit shocking gives us, you guessed it, a dopamine rush. And it's not so bad until...we become desensitized to that category. And so, from there, we move on to something a little bit more different, a little bit more shocking, so forth and so on, whereby, after years, we are watching stuff night and day from where our "normal" began. At some point, for a lot of guys, they "jump the tracks" and start watching gay porn. It is not that they are necessarily gay in real life, but, rather, they have become desensitized to most other categories, and there is nothing on the straight side of the categories they have not become desensitized to.

    Based on what information you have given me, this is probably you. You are not watching gay porn, but you are having thoughts in your head that are new, novel, a bit shocking to you, probably because you have desensitized to whatever used to give you a dopamine rush, but now, due to desensitization, no longer does.

    There is really only one way to figure out who and what you are, and that is to take the cure, and cut out all artificial sexual stimulation from your brain. This means not only cutting out all porn from your life, but also to stop "thinking" sexual thoughts. I know that sounds difficult, and in fact that is contrary to nature. But I believe you are where you are due to porn abuse, which is just another way of saying you have used artificial sexual imagery to create hypersexual thoughts, to get a dopamine rush, over, and over, and over, for years. Congratulations, you are one of us.

    I also want to quote Gabe Deem who points out something that is so fundamental and so obvious, and yet is something 90% of porn addicts seem to miss: Porn is not sex, porn addiction is not sex addiction. They are completely, even radically, different, things. One is artificial sexual over stimulation, the other is actual sexual over stimulation. The point of this exercise, and this note, is to encourage you to change how you "think" and not how you "act." We are not really talking about your sexual orientation, we are talking about what thoughts give you a dopamine high. If you take my advice, get clean first, then ask yourself who you are.

    You need to sit down and have a hard talk with yourself. I know you say you have "been trying to quit porn for almost 3 years now." I'll be direct. That is probably what you think and believe, but it is probably not what has really been happening. I know I "tried to quit" for 14 months before I woke up and realized I was not really trying to "quit", I was trying to control it, but the guy who is trying to control it will always fail, because an addiction cannot be controlled. That is the addict's dream, get on top of the addiction, get in control of it, but keep it around for an emotional crutch. Use it now and then, no big deal. It cannot be done. Greg, you have to somehow convince yourself of the truth of "the impossible thought." For an addict, the impossible thought is: I am quitting, really quitting, for life. The first step is to do the hard 90. Don't just "do" it. Plan on it. Take some advance steps to plan on 90 days porn free, and this includes avoiding, as much as you can, hypersexual thoughts, such as fantasy, porn memory, porn imagination, sexual thoughts, and in your case, thoughts of guys. One of the best primers for preparing to quit porn addiction is here:

    http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/action-or-not-have-you-actually-prepared-for-it.3549/

    Read it.

    In order to know who you really are, you have to get back to your baseline, which you cannot do while taking dopamine hits, via porn, or artificial sexual stimulation, or hypersexual thoughts. You have to find your "normal" again. That means you need to take the cure. Do the hard 90, get rebalanced, find your baseline, find your normal. If you can get those 90 days in hard mode, well, by then, many guys have found the questions you have asked have answered themselves. You need to reintroduce yourself to a porn free you. Artificially induced dopamine highs are not normal. You need to get back to normal.

    Hope this helps.

    Much love.

    WILL
     
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  16. Gentlemen. Porn induced dopamine addiction is death worship. I want everyone reading this to go out in the world and embrace life, worship life, worship being alive. Revel in it. Get out in it. Swim in it. Get the glory and the dirt of it on you. Life is wonderful. Worship life. It will kick your ass, along the way, too; you will have split lips, black eyes, and scars. You will give some too. This is the nature of being alive. Don't hide from life in the addiction. Life: TAKE IT.

    Shakespeare: "All things are ready if our minds are so."

     
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  17. Hello Lads. Eyes up. Chin up. I have every confidence all of you reading this will succeed, in every good thing you set yourself to accomplish. Remember, a long time ago, someone thought it could all be done differently. It can be.

    Here is something from a guy who lived, and died, before most of us were born. Peace out my brothers.

     
    freedomwarrior likes this.
  18. Finally. The "Epic" Post. All secrets revealed. All questions answered. Evolution. We are evolved animals. The dopamine reward system as an evolved means of encouraging reproduction of the species. Sexual dimorphism, triggers and cues, visual and audio (and coming soon, all five senses). Recreational sex in the human species--without which the addiction would never form. Desensitization and the Coolidge Effect. The advent of High Speed Internet Porn creating the possibility, and now proven reality, of a never before seen, but now quickly growing addiction.

    OK...no. I oversold it just to get your attention. But, I have the day off, and some time on my hands, now that I don't use my hands to service our mutual problem.

    If you are here, in this place, and are in trouble, or are afraid you cannot overcome the problem, I tell you the truth when I say learn the science of the addiction. If you are looking at yourself or the addiction, or how the addiction has effected you, from a moral or religious aspect, you have just made the addiction a HUGE problem. In reality, the addiction is a much smaller, much more easily overcome, problem. Porn addiction is about one thing: The brain's reaction to sexual thought. It is almost a chemical reaction. The solution is to quit using HSIP to allow the chemical reaction to happen. To beat the problem, you need to study the problem. So, here are some thoughts on the problem. Study at your own risk, but be warned,scientia potentia est

    Let's understand our history.

    In The Beginning...

    Humans are placental mammals. Placental mammals are those that have live birth and nourish their embryos throughout gestation via a specialized organ—the placenta—attached to the wall of the mother's uterus. Uh, that would be us. Somewhere way back in time, maybe even before the dinosaurs were wiped out by that big ELE, placental mammals probably existed. That is over 100,000,000 years ago. After the dinosaurs became extinct, a gap existed in nature, and this group of mammals begin to fill up the gap where the dinosaurs had existed.

    Early on nature, or evolution, or God, take your pick, chose our current dopamine reward system to encourage reproduction of the species. Gary Wilson, and others, talk about that part of our brain that is "primitive". It is probably better for newbies to understand the brain, not just as one organ, but multiple organs with different functions. That part of our brain that Wilson calls the "primitive brain", is the part of the brain that exists to do something very important for the species as a whole, encourage reproduction. Let me be crude, forgive me, but by encouraging reproduction I mean getting laid. Fucking, screwing. Why? Because, while many of us here really don't understand it, the real purpose of getting laid is to make babies. Making babies, and often, has been chosen by nature, ala natural selection, as a good trait for humans. So, if this trait is "primitive" why do we still have it? Answer: it works.

    That part of our primitive brain encourages reproduction by giving us a reward for thinking about sex. The reward we get is a dopamine high. That is the best rush in the world. Dopamine can be described as a drug, but is actually a brain neurotransmitter. When activated, we feel great. We love it because we evolved to love it. It feels great. But, understand, it is the thought of sex, not the actual act, that gets us high. That is right, I can see it in your eyes, the light is coming on. If thinking about sex gives us a dopamine high, then the more we think of it, the higher we get. Now, back in the old days, we had a safety on that dopamine high, a means and a reason to avoid engaging in it constantly: the need to fight for existence. See, back in the days of the first placental mammals, way before humanity existed, our ancestors were not the alpha predators we are today. They could not walk around in a dopamine haze because they had to find food and avoid being eaten, so, life itself was a distraction that made thinking of sex too much an impossibility. If you are walking through the jungle thinking about sex, you probably won't notice the lion stalking you. Consequently, you stay focused to avoid being lion food. Part of that focus is what you and I call anxiety. Anxiety is nature's way of encouraging us to be constantly on our guard. In the beginning it was a good thing, but now we have too much time on our hands.

    So, it is established that sexual thoughts give us a dopamine high, and why.

    Enter the modern us. Sexual dimorphism, triggers, and cues. Sexual thoughts can occur spontaneously, but they are also in reaction to, or encouraged by, things we experience with our five senses. Let's fast forward a bit to pornography. Not High Speed Internet Porn, but just, plain, old, your-father's porn. Now, forgive me, I am straight, and I am going to talk about this in terms of straight porn, but if you are gay or other it works just about the same for you. Ok, here is me being obvious. Women and men are different. Not just different, they look different. They are shaped different. Their facial features are different. Their voices are different. They smell different. Nature has chosen, in humans, as well as some other species, to encourage these differences. Why? They are evolved, visual, and other sense, cues, and triggers, that lead to sexual thought, and a dopamine rush. That is why we enjoy looking at pornography; it gives us a dopamine rush. But, your father's porn was 2 dimensional, finite, and lacked sound. The cave painting of sex was interesting, as in gave us a slight dopamine high, but was only so interesting, meaning eventually, it became boring. Fast forward to the fist photographs and early films. We, humanity, created porn with that technology, and it was interesting and popular. We did not know then it was interesting and popular because it was giving us a dopamine high, though that is why we looked at it. Dirty pictures of women=sexual thought=dopamine high. Still, it was not addictive until High Speed Internet Porn, and that addiction can only be understood in terms of the Coolidge Effect.

    The Coolidge Effect. Just as nature chose to reward thoughts of sex, with a dopamine high, to encourage actual sex, nature chose to reward getting as much sex as you could when the opportunity happened to get it. Remember, we are dealing with the "primitive" brain, which evolved over one hundred million years ago. There was no possibility of sex on a constant basis; we were too busy finding food and avoiding being eaten, so when the rare opportunity for sex actually occurred, nature encouraged us to have sex with that partner multiple times. But, and this is the Coolidge effect, if the opportunity occurred to have multiple partners, nature encouraged that as well. Moving on from the partner we have already had, to the partner we have never experienced before, is rewarded with a dopamine rush. I am not saying we should have multiple partners or sleep around. I am actually a monogamist. What I am saying is that there is a part of our brain that likes the idea of moving on from the already experienced, to the never-before experienced.

    So, sexual thoughts lead to a dopamine high. Porn leads to sexual thoughts, which leads to a dopamine high. Sexual imagery, seeing things sexual, and seeing females, for straight guys anyway, is a visual cue, or trigger, (an evolved response), to give ourselves a sexual thought, leading to a dopamine high. And, owing to the Coolidge Effect, we like to see new and different images, aka new cues and triggers, because the new, never-before-seen sexual cue, leads to a dopamine rush.

    It is also very important for you to understand that, of all the animals on the planet, we are one of maybe three, animals that engage in "recreational sex," meaning sex for the fun of it, the dopamine rush of it, and not merely sex to make babies. We may be alone in this behavior. Neither sex addiction or porn induced dopamine addiction, would be possible in a species that only has sex to make a baby. Those species are not thinking about sex, or having sex, to get a dopamine high. The dopamine high is probably part of every mammals reproductive hardwiring, but other species don't think about sex "just" to get a dopamine high: We do. I don't know what the evolutionary advantage to this was for us, but, most of the scientists seem to think it has to do with socialization. Unlike almost every other species, we can do something they cannot and do not do: We can think of sex for fun, we can have sex, for fun. We can, and do, have sex, while deliberately avoiding having it to make a baby. Understanding this is necessary to understand how our brains, the sexual reward center of the brain, can be hijacked by HSIP. Unlike other species, we enjoy sex for the sake of sex alone. Though our sexual reward center still rewards thoughts of sex to encourage reproduction, we can and do have sex just to have sex

    And now, Enter the Dragon. No, that is a Bruce Lee film, I digress.

    Enter High Speed Internet Porn. HSIP is not your father's porn. It is 2 dimensional, in the sense there is only the surface of a computer screen between the viewer and the cues. However, HSIP can project those cues much more effectively than a magazine, or, even a dvd or tape. And, you have to understand the importance of cues, and what they are. Cues must be understood in terms of nature encouraging reproduction. See sexual cue=sexual thought=dopamine rush=encourage reproduction. That is, up until the advent of HSIP. HSIP allows for us to do something that was impossible before it existed: We now have the means, through artificial sexual stimulation, and the experience of infinite, never-before-seen sexual cues, to give ourselves a nonstop dopamine rush, forever. The infinite nature of HSIP, and the rush we get from seeing it, allows that part of the "primitive" brain that rewards sexual thoughts with a dopamine high, to be highjacked by something never before possible, the possibility of non stop sexual thought, leading to a nonstop dopamine high.

    And, it is not just "seeing" it, and "searching" for it. HSIP punches a ton more cues that older forms of porn did. So, now that I am talking about cues and triggers, this is where I say "Trigger Warning." Watching sexual things is a cue. But what is a "sexual thing", a "sexual image"? For straight guys, the female herself, is a cue. The difference in the sexes is what the sexes find sexually attractive, at least for humans.. So, facial features, body differences, we find attractive, attractive as in, they often lead to sexual thoughts, leading to a dopamine rush.

    One of the things HSIP does, and this was around before it, but was not so prevalent, is the use of vocals. When I say "use of vocals", understand that pornographers now understand that what we hear is, like what we see, also a "cue". The contorting of bodies is a cue. Facial features are a cue. Most, modern, straight, porn focuses, not just on the sex, but the woman's response, or acted response, to the sex. There are entire scenes that focus on the woman's face, her body contorting, and her screaming. Why? They are cues and triggers, they cue and trigger a sexual thought, which in turn leads to a dopamine rush.

    You understand you like certain cues, but it is also important, in understanding and overcoming the addiction, that you like those cues because evolution chose to make you like them. And, the cues are not just visual, they are at least as much audio. Be aware of this.

    The pornographers are already making progress, if you want to call encouraging porn addiction progress, in using HSIP to offer more than just visual and audio cues. Devices are being developed that will emit cues affecting all five senses, including things that mimic touch, smell, and taste.

    OK, so this is the end of my rant. Thank you for taking the time to read it. I wrote it to help you, but also to help myself. It is not enough just to learn about the mechanics of the addiction, the "why" of the addiction, but it is also important to constantly remind myself of what went wrong with my own hardwiring when it downloaded the HSIP software, so to speak. Reading here, and writing here, helps me stay clean.

    Much love.

    Billy the Kid
     
  19. Hello All. @DrRobotronic just posted a great link I had never seen before. It discusses how our brain's primitive reward center can become overstimulated by super stimulation that did not exist, much, when that part of the brain evolved. I suggest you read it. It is in cartoon form.

    http://www.sparringmind.com/supernormal-stimuli/
     
    Cockyau likes this.
  20. Dad cried when this guy died last week. I cried when Dad cried. Sending this one out for the Thin White Duke.



    Now, back to business.

    The fact you recognize you recognize you have porn induced dopamine addiction puts you way ahead of many here. I did not have much of a "plan" when I quit. I just quit. But, that was only after months of trying and failing, back before I understood what you now know: The problem just looks like porn, but porn is just a button we push to get a dopamine high.

    By "tried and failed" I mean I made the mistake most of make before we figure out how to get free: I put porn up on a shelf, in my house, so to speak, and I told myself I would not take it down again. Problem: You cannot keep porn in your house, in your life, in your head, and beat the problem. You have to totally eradicate it, and the use of artificial sexual stimulation, to get a dopamine high.

    When I quit, I did not know the withdrawals would come, but they did. The day I realized I was addicted, the day I realized it was possible to be addicted, I quit, and every day, for about 120 days thereafter, I defined myself as "a guy quitting porn." While it helps to know the pain you are feeling, and are going to feel, is temporary,knowing that was not the thought that comforted me, or, if not comforted me, made quitting possible. Porn withdrawal feels like dying. Yep, dying. Why? Dopamine is the best high in the world. It feels like liquid bliss. That is why it is addictive. If a dopamine high feels like a 10, when we quit pushing the button to get it, we do not go back to just 0. Nope, not that easy. Your dopamine starved brain will punish you for taking it away. Your brain is going to make you feel like NEGATIVE 10, like you are dying. You will not die. But there will be moments on that dark path where I promise you, dying will look like a possible option. So, back to the thought that made quitting possible for me. This is it:

    I feel like I am dying. Every day I feel like I am dying, like total hell. And, if this is what I have to feel like, every day, for the rest of my life, to avoid going back, then I am feeling it, every day, for the rest of my life, because I am NEVER going back.

    I am giving this thought to you It will not make quitting easier. Quitting will be one of the most painful things you have ever done. But on those days and moments, when you feel like dying, and you want to take a hit, just to make the pain go away, think this thought I have given to you. I jokingly tell guys here that, now that I have quit porn, I know I can't be broken under torture.

    We all have heroes, but, it is important, for all of, sometimes, to be our own hero. I want everyone reading to take off your chains. You put them on, you can take them off.

    Much love.

    Will I AM
     

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