Full of life force

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Shamu_u, Jun 6, 2018.

  1. Shamu_u

    Shamu_u Fapstronaut

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    Day 1...

    I'm starting a new thread/journal in the women's section now.

    So today is day one for me because I masturbated yesterday after 23 days clean. That was the longest streak that I have ever done and before that I was only able to go 2 weeks. Although I was still having urges and catching myself fantasizing I feel like I was doing pretty well. I was staying strong and continuing to turn my attention into other avenues and basically just fighting the urges.

    I learned yesterday that I cannot touch myself at all! I don't have the willpower to start something and not finish. My thinking yesterday was to see if I could just get aroused because I feel like I was kind of in a flatline with my body although my mind was still having fantasies and i still wanted to MO. Needless to say I was able to get aroused and have an orgasm. The only positive that came out of this was that I masturbated in a completely different way than I normally do and was able to have an orgasm. I have always only been able to masturbate in one way so that was interesting.Then came the chaser effect so naturally I masturbated 2 more times in my normal way. It even crossed my mind this morning but I'm telling myself now and I'm moving on with my day.

    I know that I can do this! I can continue without porn easily and I know I can continue without masturbation. If I slip up every now and then I'm not going to beat myself up it is still way better than the 10 to 20 times a week that I was doing it.

    I have noticed that today I feel like some life has left my body. I don't really know how else to explain it but I have had this juicy sort of Sexual Energy built up inside myself that I kind of enjoyed that is no longer there today. I feel somewhat drained, if that makes sense.

    So today is day one of nofap and my slip up was just a hiccup and my journey to recovery.
     
    Meme_6591, Buddhabro, corado and 2 others like this.
  2. Teuthtobetold1

    Teuthtobetold1 Fapstronaut

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    Did u mean u feel more tired? And also maybe less motivated to do things?
     
  3. Shamu_u

    Shamu_u Fapstronaut

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    Not necessarily tired but less alive....I feel dull or like I'm in a bit of a fog.
     
  4. laststraw8921

    laststraw8921 Fapstronaut

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    You can make this happen. Take it a moment at a time. If you focus on the small moments, the days will just start to pass by.
     
  5. Teuthtobetold1

    Teuthtobetold1 Fapstronaut

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    ya i feel u, this happens to me as well. if u abstain for a period of time it will go away
     
    Shamu_u likes this.
  6. Unflinching

    Unflinching Fapstronaut

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  7. Shamu_u

    Shamu_u Fapstronaut

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    Unflinching likes this.
  8. Shamu_u

    Shamu_u Fapstronaut

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    Day 4

    TBH the last few days have been pretty easy. The urges are definitely less often. I think I went right back into a flatline-ish time. Although, sometimes I think it's my body's way of tricking me into "wanting to see if I can get aroused."

    As of today my energy levels are on their way back up again which is awesome.

    I do still struggle with fantasizing though. I can see something or hear something that triggers me and my mind starts to wander. I've been pretty good about reining myself in and not continuing down the fantasy rabbit hole.

    So far so good! As of today and for the past few days I feel like PM is just not an option anymore. It's not who I am!
     
    Teuthtobetold1 likes this.
  9. Shamu_u

    Shamu_u Fapstronaut

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    Day 6

    Almost a week! Woke up feeling like I'd really like to MO or have sex. Neither of which are an option. I will stay pretty busy today with stuff I need to do and taking my kids to the beach so this should help. I will stay strong!
     
    Teuthtobetold1, Scott93 and zeroeight like this.
  10. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on going 23 days. That's good!

    I think you're right to conclude that 'no touch' is the only way to go. My last fail came from thinking I could touch myself and not keep going. I learned the hard way I was wrong! So now no clitoral contact, no kegels, no rubbing legs together, no tight jeans, no sexual images or fantasies, basically nothing to stimulate the clit. Every fail and I reset the counter to zero.

    When I reach 365 days without a fail, I start dating again. Nothing sexual, just spending time with guys. When I find 'the one', karezza sex only. I'm determined to overcome my orgasm addiction!
     
    SirErnest, corado and Shamu_u like this.
  11. Shamu_u

    Shamu_u Fapstronaut

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    Yes, all of those are triggers that must be avoided on my end too! I was just linked an article yesterday about karezza and found it really interesting and definitely worth trying. We can do this!
     
    SirErnest likes this.
  12. Shamu_u

    Shamu_u Fapstronaut

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    Day 7

    So I'm going to have sex today! Its gonna happen n no denying it. I am soooo excited. I'm hoping to notice a difference in how my body reacts and hoping to avoid the chaser afterwards.

    The unfortunate thing about knowing I'm going to have sex is that I couldn't break fantasizing last night. I literally went to bed at 11 n saw 2am. I think I could have had an orgasm in about 30 secs of touching I was so hot. I kept telling myself NO n think of something else but it kept creeping back in. My fantasizing got out of hand at one point n i was disappointed in myself.I also had sex dreams all night long.

    I don't consider this a relapse but more of shear excitement to experience sexual interaction again.
     
    zeroeight and Scott93 like this.
  13. Shamu_u

    Shamu_u Fapstronaut

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    Day 8

    So last night went well and was awesome but just confirmed that I need to continue on this NoFap journey. I'm excited to see what happens with more time fap free under my belt.

    Today is the undeniable chaser in full effect! I will stay strong and look forward to my next actual sexual encounter and not rely on myself.

    I have defiantly conditioned my self to like self pleasure more than that provided by my partner. I find myself wondering how long before this is reversed? Then I tell myself it doesn't matter because this is a lifestyle change and not just a phase.
     
    Mindy likes this.
  14. laststraw8921

    laststraw8921 Fapstronaut

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    Brava for you. Keep at it
     
    Mindy and Shamu_u like this.
  15. Shamu_u

    Shamu_u Fapstronaut

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    Day 9

    Today my clit is like a homing beacon constantly tingling sending signals to be touched. Ugh!!

    Still going strong tho. Trying to move energy from below up thru my body and out. Today is a "one day at a time" type of day. I will make it to tomorrow PMO free and tomorrow's feelings may be completely different.
     
  16. laststraw8921

    laststraw8921 Fapstronaut

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    Take a breath. Remember your reasoning. You will be fine
     
    Shamu_u likes this.
  17. Shamu_u

    Shamu_u Fapstronaut

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    Trigger warning...

    Last night I had sex again. It was sooner than I thought because my husband is PMO addicted with PIED so it happens few n far between. Anyways, I was able to have an orgasm with him finally! It has been literally YEARS since this has happened. I am ecstatic about this!

    So all that being said (I won't go in to much detail) it did take forever to happen though. I was persistent about making it happen one way or the other. We had fallen into a rut of "this is taking to long" and with all the problems we both have we just give up and then don't have sex for months. So rather than doing that we readjusted, changed things up and started again. I without a shadow of a doubt, have caused major sensitivity issues with myself from to much self pleasure.

    I'm hoping this is a turning point for me and positive reinforcement to continue NoFap. I need to reprogram to get satisfaction from my husband rather than myself. I'm hoping over time It will be easier for me to orgasm. Also hpping that if he sees positive things happening with me then maybe he may think about fixing himself (but that's out of my control).
     
    OneRose123, Scott93 and zeroeight like this.
  18. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    this is my greatest fear! I’m 25,
    Not married or in a relationship of any kind and I’m a Virgin. I keep telling myself “if I was just married and having sex then all my MO issues will go away.” But that is not always true! I need to recondition myself too!!
     
    R.o.B and Shamu_u like this.
  19. coldbrew123

    coldbrew123 Fapstronaut

    Mindy yeahh def not true- at least for me. I applaud you for seeking to recondition yourself instead of trying to find an "easy way out".... meaning a partner that wants to have sex all the time lol. If anything it seems like for me being married complicates the issue way more than it helps. Idk if Shamu feels the same way but managing the expectations and hopes for sex for yourself and your partner is very complicated. For me when she doesn't respond in the way I hope it can even be a trigger to go back to PMO for comfort because her response feels like rejection.
     
    Shamu_u and Mindy like this.
  20. coldbrew123

    coldbrew123 Fapstronaut

    That is AMAZING! It is so encouraging to hear you have already started to experience some positive results from your hard work. I also really respect how you want to set the bar for your family and are willing to be the first one to say no to PMO. Thanks for sharing.
     
    Shamu_u likes this.

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