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Fucked up my life

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by ali.nf, Nov 16, 2017.

  1. ali.nf

    ali.nf Fapstronaut

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    For the past year, I have been stuck in a cycle of short streaks & relapses. Unable to break free from this addiction. I just relapsed for what feels like the millionth time. I've had enough now, I'm extremely depressed now and beginning to feel negative suicidal thoughts. I want to break free from this addiction, I don't want to be addicted to porn. Why do I love porn, it has ruined my life yet I still want to watch it and let it consume my life. I really need help. I need to allow my brain to recover. This is it now I'm going to remove this addiction from my life forever. Although I always say this I end up returning to it. How can I stop for real?, I hate my life now and I hate myself and I hate this addiction. Im flooded with negative thoughts constantly. I sometimes think it's better for me to end my life than to carry on living. Although I have many blessings in my life porn has taken everything away I am living a shit life I am a mess. I want to get out of this cycle
     
    mghyper17 and Ruben J. Soto like this.
  2. IDoTheBestICan

    IDoTheBestICan Fapstronaut

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    I really understand that feeling. Feel the same way myself.

    Do you have porn blockers on your phone and laptop?
     
    ali.nf likes this.
  3. ali.nf

    ali.nf Fapstronaut

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    I do, I've got my internet provider to block all porn websites but when I relapse I always remove the blocker.

    I've just cleaned myself & prayed/meditated. I'm ready to begin again. This time I will be stronger. I hope you do the same too, we can do this & overcome this
     
  4. IDoTheBestICan

    IDoTheBestICan Fapstronaut

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    On some 'blockers' you can choose a password. On my phone I just took a password with many numbers - that I can't remember!

    But I know. When your addicted it isn't that easy. It's easy to relapse and just find new ways to it.

    Have done that myself!
     
  5. Phils_gunna_win

    Phils_gunna_win Fapstronaut

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    Please don't think there is no way out. You can Do this! U need to find new things in your life. U need to take the plunge and start living. Do u need a laptop or computer? If the answer is no sell them. If the answer is yes. Minimise your time on them. Tell someone u trust what your going through. If your feeling suicidal surely telling someone will help. Go see your doctor.

    Every time I think about watching p. I have to remind myself why I'm stopping. Remember what's in the other side of a relapse. Also stick with it. If you relapse just think of it as another step to recovery. Don't beat yourself down for it. This is the hardest. But most rewarding thing you can do for yourself. Please bro. We can do this
     
    ali.nf and Deleted Account like this.
  6. Unless you have been sentenced to prison for life, your life is not over. I have been watching porn for over 15 years and compulsively masturbating.

    When I first came across porn, I remember the exhilarating rush that I came across but the more I watched it towards the years I hated it because I could no longer get hard.

    Like you said, even though I hated it, I couldn't quit. Eventually, I refused to have this addiction run my life and affect every area of it. On August 31,2017 I stopped cold turkey and I haven't watched it since. Relapse is part of the process however, for me I had to hate pornography and I had to associate porn with every negative thing that has happened to me like my dick not responding to real life sex.

    Is looking at a computer screen more enjoyable than having sex in real life? if the answer is no there is no reason for any of us to be consuming this garbage.
     
    ali.nf likes this.
  7. I'm gonna give a kind of crazy-sounding suggestion, but for me what helped me increase my length of NoFap streaks was to start actually liking the fight against the inevitable urges to PMO. What I mean is, it's kind of like people who exercise, and have learned to enjoy the short-lived discomfort of pushing their bodies past the comfort-zone, since they've over time associated those feelings with the positive sensations of sustained physical activity. So when I start getting tempted to view P, I see it kind of like lifting weights, like a challenge, that if I overcome will bring much positive feelings to me. It's a useful change in perspective. Next time you feel the temptations, just try it. You can wait one minute, right? Or maybe two? Try that, and reflect on how that little tiny bit of restraint made you feel. Maybe just slightly more in control of your own destiny? It's a good feeling right? Maybe then it's worth going a few more minutes with it, maybe even build up to an hour, or a day, etc. And with each urge that fades as you move towards self-empowerment, the more that positive feeling can grow stronger.
     
    Immature and ali.nf like this.
  8. Believe me dude I know that fucking feeling! I've been rebooting on and off for five years, it gets worse and worser each time. Look up 'post acute withdrawals' see if you have the symptoms if you do that should scare you into never watching it again, I know it did for me.

    Should make you hate porn for whats its done too, fuck porn!
     
    Deleted Account and ali.nf like this.
  9. calvary94

    calvary94 Fapstronaut

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    I don’t wanna beat around the bush but i can help you and set free without much effort pm me okay
     
  10. Shahzms

    Shahzms New Fapstronaut

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    I am in the same kind of fucking situation like yours. I don't know what to do. I am dying from inside. I am loosing hope. Not able to see any way out.
     
  11. ali.nf

    ali.nf Fapstronaut

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    Bro I know how you feel, but I see a way out now. Never lose hope, the best thing you can do is to continue with the journey. Few days ago I was feeling like shit, now I'm feeling great because my life is progressing. I avoid PMO as best as I can, when I relapse I feel all the negative emotions, but now just a few days in positivity is coming to me. The advice I can give you is to get on a streak asap you will feel much better. Social connection really helped me aswell, being around people, socialising made me lose interest in porn and made me a happier person. I still am a recovering addict and I don't always feel this good, there will be bad days but just continue with nofap, if you relapse, start again, keep doing it you will succeed. We can do this
     
    chiyu and Shahzms like this.
  12. Don;t think of it as giving up PMO forever. Just think "I'm not going to PMO today" or "I'm not going to PMO this hour" - whatever it takes.
     
    ali.nf and Shahzms like this.
  13. Shahzms

    Shahzms New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for these nice confidence inducing suggestions @ali.nf and @Immature. Will try my best to keep myself in the boat. Let's see what comes next.
     
    ali.nf likes this.
  14. Joaquin leal

    Joaquin leal Fapstronaut

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    I’m
     
  15. Joaquin leal

    Joaquin leal Fapstronaut

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    I will be praying for you
     
  16. RoyalShergill

    RoyalShergill Fapstronaut

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    Bro your problem is thinking i know i face this situation when i m not on nofap its by watching alot of porn that gives your brain to thinking into negative way
    in my experience i always see porn on when i have 1_2 day streak i just say I M now in control lets watch porn and what I relapse and do m 2_3 in day but now in nofap my streak was 9 days then come to 12 days then come to 8 days then t10 days improvement every time now i m on 12 days undefeated streak you need to just not worry and thinking and switch off your phone or laptop when you want to see alright??
     
  17. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    This is what I used to get out of the relapse cycle a year ago, and it worked great. Can't emphasize enough how much our mental ressources are diminished/hijacked when we start this journey, and this is typically a way to strengthen them without going full-on crazy cold turkey monk etc (which most of us can't sustain for long anyway).

    @ali.nf Your life isn't over, quite the contrary! You've come to a place in your life where you're faced with a change that is not so easy to do, but that is dear to your heart and that you can't avoid doing anymore (just transcribing your words here). Figuring out how to ignite the spark that would get these changes on the way is a good start. The tip that @chiyu posted up there is, in my experience, a very solid one. But there are others, al of them discussed in the forum at some point. Give hem a try, there's nothing to lose - if in the worst case scenario it doesn't work out for you, you will have learned something about how you've reacted to this, and hopefully you can see the truth of the efforts and energy that you're poured in : something to be proud of for sure. And a little pride goes a long way. Just as a little care and tap on the back does. Give yourself plenty, don't beat yourself over the fact that you didn't yet manage to reach the desired goal. Part of the reasons why we're in this mess is because we've been disconnected from a part of ourselves for whatever reason - time to be kind with ourselves, acksowledge some limitations, recognize the efforts, muster some strength, and get started again. There's no failure as long as we get up an try again, in our own time.

    One of the hard truths to admit when on this path, is that we're the ones in control. Meaning we got there by ourselves. To be fair, P didn't take us by the hand and let us there. P was there, and we used and used and used. And now we suffer.
    As many fapstronauts will continue to tell in the success stories section : this situation can be ended. But you have to regain control of yourself, of your will, or your energy, and ultimately your life.
    About that, some people have said something I now understand to be true : "Qutting Porn - It's the hardest fucking thing I've had to do in my life, but definitely the most worth doing, and I'd do it all over again if I had to."

    Stand up friend, and try again, there's pride in stumbling because it means you're trying. Use this as a stepping stone!
     
    ali.nf likes this.

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