From Darkness to light...1

Before narrating my story I want you to take note of two important things.. It may be possible that my narration below is not coherent because I have a lot to tell. And secondarily it is also possible that someone may get triggered because I am going to put forward my story in a raw and truthful way for all my brothers' and sisters' benefits.. Please forgive me for any mistakes...

I am an Indian citizen living in a middle class household. I am 21 years old and pursuing a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering My parents have cultured me with all ethos since my childhood and have given me everything while growing up in-spite of a below average financial condition...
It was during the 5th standard (maybe 10 years old) that my parents sent me to a summer camp near a dam backwaters near the city I live in. After 2 days of fun I had made a couple of friends. And one day one of my new friends; he was older than me; asked me while we were chatting, whether I knew how a child is born. I being a kid was unaware of any reasoning. He was the one who asked me to search this on the internet. And the seeds of 10 years of my degradation into the spiral of porn,masturbation and orgasm began. I don't exactly remember when it started. But I had started to watch porn out of curiosity and then it escalated. It became a habit. And someday I 'touched myself'. I don't remember how, why, when? And sorry for the crudity with which I am stating this, but I had got addicted to an unusual kind of masturbation. I used to rub my p***s on the bed by sleeping face bottom. I continued this for years. Meanwhile I was growing up. But never in my life I got truly educated about sex. And this escalated my addictions.
And this addiction escalated so much (and I literally have tears in my eyes while stating this ) that I masturbated (in the same way of sleeping face down) on apartment staircase and garden a couple of times making sure nobody was present there. I am literally shivered by this idea right now.

This continued when one day I learned to masturbate the regular way. But the masturbation continued. When I was 17 years old I started getting more and more deeper into masturbation and porn. I also got indulged into sex chatting on a site, where I used to send dick pics. Now the reason I am mentioning all this so explicitly, is that I really don't want any one on this earth to face this. I also started searching for more and more types of Genres of porn. First I started watching interracial porn, which created distorted images of sexuality, race, domination and control in sex. And worst was to come... I don't know I entered into it but mostly it was due to the sexting site. Most of the times there were fake female accounts on the site and one could never talk to a girl.. Thus the intense building up desire and no girl on the site took me to the gay chat rooms. I am literally crying in my mind over this ( not physically because I am sitting with my family ). I was getting degraded everyday and losing loads of my precious semen. And the gay chat room toke me further into deterioration. I started loving the idea of getting dominated, getting sissified and cross-dressing. I used to spend hours when nobody was home stroking, edging, doing all kinds of kinky stuff and just destroying the precious sexual energy.

Now when I look back I can easily join the dots. I was a swimmer for 5 years and that was when I had started i.e. at the age of 9-14. I left swimming and thus the sports in my life declined gradually declined since then. But that may not be the effect of masturbating. But since college I had started to feel alone. I never was good with girls and was shy. This escalation of PMO showed extreme effects in my college days.Spending hours on porn, edging and masturbating left me with no energy.I never paid attention to my physique. I was skinny since my childhood. Still, all was going well till three years ago.

The last three years my porn and sexting escalated. I used to roleplay for hours on sexting sites, cam on it, edge and destroy my semen. I had started avoiding people and couldn't look into there eyes. I used to sit for hours in the toilet masturbating. Today looking back I just cant imagine the amount of semen I lost. I had digestion problems and lots of pimples. I had social anxiety and which still exists.

And I lost the love of my life in all this. I would be elaborating it in my further posts. But I had lost many things without even understanding why!

AND THEN CAME THE GOLDEN DAY OF MY LIFE... THE DAY WHERE I STARTED MY BRAHMACHARYA PROCESS.. Currently I am facing some time crunch so I have to end this post here.. Coming with part 2..

Currently I am on Day 53... EXTREMELY POSITIVE AND WITHOUT ANY LUST.. Good vibes to all and happy no-fapping!