Former PA with some massage parlor temp.

A true test of forgiveness would be telling your wife.
Condoms are only 96% effective.
And you CAN get STIs and STDs from a BJ.
Just FYI.
Good luck

 

Here are a couple of scriptures for you to consider...
Do to others as you would have them do to you. Luke 6:31

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16
Basically, in my opinion, you need to tell your wife. As an SO, I can tell you that being lied to, even if it's a lie by omission, is extremely hurtful. That old saying, " what they know can't hurt them" is so untrue. We, as wives, partners, ect. might not know the exact details of what our PA has done, but we know when something is going on.

We can feel when they pull away, whether its emotionally spiritually or physically. We know when they become distant or preoccupied. You might think that she doesn't know that you've done anything, but I bet she's felt the distance that your actions have put between you two.

I think it takes a lot of guts to tell the truth. It's much easier to hide things, but I will say, that from my experience, I am much more apt to forgive my husband, when he's come to me and told me the truth, rather than me finding out about it later, on my own.

 

It's definitely great that you have accepted God and sought his forgiveness and that's an amazing first step. One thing to remember though is that you are also committed to your wife, not only to God. He can forgive what you have done, but that doesn't take back the action itself. It still happened and you have to remember that. Not only did you sin against God by cheating on your spouse, you sinned against your spouse by cheating on her. You took vows at marriage, and you broke them. To me, that warrants her knowing the truth. If you can live with what you've done without her ever knowing, then that is completely up to you. But I know for me, and this is just from my experience, I couldn't ever lie to my future wife. I had a hard enough time lying to her for a short time about my PA. I don't know how I would ever feel if I tried to lie about not cheating on her. Once again, it's awesome that you sought forgiveness from God. That's important, always remember that. You also need to forgive yourself, and if you have, I commend you. But in my honest belief, you need to tell her, because you broke your wedding vows. Even if it's not vaginal sex, you still took part in a lustful act with another person who is not your wife. Of course I realize you'd rather never tell her, but the question is, how long can you live with that decision? I just hope that if you choose to not tell her, that it doesn't eat you alive.
One simple thing that you can't do is use God as a cop out. I'm definitely NOT saying you are, but bear with me. You can seek forgiveness from God for your sinful actions, and you can be forgiven by him, but don't use that as a cop out to try and tell yourself that what you did never happened. Because it did.

I hope you come to a decision, and whatever you decide I hope it works out for you. We're all in this together.

 

Ephesians 5:11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.

It is very biblical to expose your sin. It is important so that you can be entirely free from it. Don't let it become a stronghold by keeping this from your wife. She deserves to know and decide for herself if she can find forgiveness. That is not fair for her to not get the choice. I can't imagine it will be easy but it is the right thing to do.

 

God already knew.

 

I am saved and I understand where you are coming from but you are as @Rachie said, supposed to confess your sins to one another. I agree you should pray about this as well as seek advice from your Pastor. But I also think that if you are even asking in here that you already feel convicted about not disclosing this to her. Here is a good perspective about your question:



This guy also has a ton of other amazing helpful videos on the subject!

Good luck to you!

 

The answer to that is up to you? You are here for a reason. And have read all the responses. Best wishes

 

If you’re a Christian and a believer of the Bible, you believe God is within you. It’s a deal u have made within yourself to protect yourself. Still selfish. Listen.

 

I was a pmo user for a large part of my life. It has been 301 days since our dday. I never wanted or has ever been with any one else than my wife...only porn. So I do not know your perspective and can only give you mine. She has the right to know. The right to have another life with out you. To make up her own decision to be with you or not. Trust me this is a freeing experience. Do not throw God up as a excuse to hide from your wife. If you truly want to heal this and her... pull it into the light. I am talking from experience be a man maybe for the first time in your life and tell her. The person she thought she married.

 

If being forgiven by God was all you cared about, then no, you wouldn't need to tell your wife. You could keep it a secret forever. But that isn't all you want. What you want is an open, honest, and intimate relationship with your wife, and that requires confession of your infidelity.

As I recently said to a friend ... Satan will never tell you to disclose your sin to anyone. This whole idea of "well, I told God, so I'm good" is convenient because you get the feeling of a clean conscience without having to suffer any real consequences. But sin flourishes in darkness. You say you're a different man now, fine. But keeping that secret will eat away at you. You'll spend the rest of your marriage knowing that you haven't been fully honest with your wife. She may look into your eyes and say to you, "you're such an amazing man--I love how honest and transparent you are with me," and you won't be able to accept it because you'll know it's not true. There's a reason Jesus said, "the truth will set you free."

Satan wants you to believe that keeping this secret is a way of protecting yourself and your marriage, when truthfully it's the one thing that will hurt your marriage and your own relationship with God the most. Trust me, if there's a voice in your head that's saying, "you don't need to tell her," that voice isn't God's.

^^^^ I really can't say it any better than these two women have.

It's not like you told God something that surprised him. God is never in the dark. God IS light--all events are "in the light" to him. Bringing your sin to the light means telling real-life people so you can be known fully for who you are, sinful deeds and all ... because in order to be truly loved you have to be truly known.

If you can find the courage to tell your wife, she will feel crushed and betrayed, for sure. But I also think she will come to appreciate that she has a husband who loves and respects her enough to tell her really hard truths. She will have a husband who respects her more than he values his own comfort.

Read some of the posts from women in these forums. Every single one--virtually 100% of them--will tell you that the lying and secrets hurt them more than the actual porn use or infidelity.

 

you tell her . Let HER decide for once what your marriage should be like . You’ve gotten to decide EVERYTHING because you have been a liar . You have all the power because she doesn’t know . I’m sure this is fear based on your part , but thats just not fair . Grow up , step up , a spouse should ALWAYS know who they are married to . If roles reversed would you want to know ? And please don’t victimize your self , no one on here is trying to force you to tell her , but we are on here too , for a reason , as an SO my reason has been to learn , help ppl , help myself heal . I REALLY hope you are listening , really listening .

 

Would you be telling her to make yourself feel better or do you think telling her will help her and your relationship? Only you can know that. You've mostly heard only one answer and one side here. No one here knows you or knows your spouse. We can only offer our experience. Continue to pray and consider her. Make amends for what you have done wrong by being the best husband you can be. Leave the last behind, but learn from it, and take steps to ensure a better future.

 

That's because there's no good reason to keep a loving wife in the dark.

 

Acceptance of your wrongs is necessary for true self-forgiveness. An addiction to pmo thrives on secrecy. Though I never visited such a place, being open and honest about my pmo use and my motivations behind it, really helped me to own my actions and to see what was so bad about them. There was pain in my disclosure, a lot of it and all at once, but it is not as bad a the loneliness and pain of a secret addiction. Your god forgives every sin, that is not the important relationship to heal. Your wife deserves to have this knowledge to decide whther her love for you can survive this betrayal. She deserves to know.

 

I really have no more insight to add here. It's all been said. I agree with everyone. Tell her.