Forgive my Ignorance Curiosity to the guys with wife or GF

Ok, well here's a couple of possibilities:

1. Prior PMO addiction. PMO addiction can cause performance problems and make normal sex less enjoyable. So you stick with porn which you prefer.

2. Performance anxiety. See above. No pressure by yourself.

3. Issues with intimacy. It's only you and your phone sitting in the bathroom.

4. Porn offers something different to real sex for many men. There's a lot of weird shit out there that can become pretty arousing (as I'm sure you know). A man can be too ashamed to bring that side of himself into the relationship, or genuinely not want to, or know that it isn't an option.

Just my two cents. But if you have a problem with it now, don't assume that when your relationship becomes sexual that that will fix it. Take the opportunity to fix it now, while it's just your problem and not both of yours.

 

If I have the sun and the moon I should be able to have an eclipse as well. But as it turns out they are more rare than we might at first think.

 

I totally agreed with everything said. Also, I'm gay, so I can't speak necessarily in terms of wife and girlfriend, but I think I might be able to add.

First, from my experience with porn I was expecting sex to be effortless, glamorous, and immensely pleasurable at all times. That's not so. Regular bodies aren't perfect, even positions that seem mundane can be somewhat difficult to comfortably achieve (especially with height differences), there actual can be some pretty tiring physical motion involved, condoms at best are an inconvenience and at worst a mood killer, and no orifice is going to give you the same tightness, speed, and control that your hand can. Additionally, there's the complexity of the emotional relationship. Just because you're angry/fighting, your partner isn't in the mood, or there's a geographic divide between you, doesn't mean you won't get horny. Hence, if you're looking for a quick, mindless orgasm that you can achieve while lying on your back and doing no work, PMO is a much easier fix.

I know that last paragraph was particularly cynical, and I don't want to undermine how great sex can be with the right person. When things went well and I felt super emotionally connected to my partner, it was waaaay better than anything I experienced with PMO. That being said, it's still a lot of work, and sometimes instant gratification seems better than having to deal with all the negatives.

 

I started watching porn, thinking that I would stop when I entered into a relationship.

Porn is habit forming and addictive. When I met my girlfriend, I was still hooked.

Porn tells us that we can have sex whenever we want it.

Relationships are far more complicated than just having sex.

 

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It is interesting i mentioned the work part I find that to be true at times. Moreover, sex can be less exciting if your partner does not enjoy some of the things i do. Mainly, I think the your statement about emotional connections is true. Sex becomes less enjoyable if i are not connecting with your partner, and it is way easier and much less work to use pmo to gratify oneself. Unfortunately, that gratification messes with your mental, emotional, and social state. As well, as building compulsions within your normal life.

 

As a married man, I can say that no, it does not cure your porn habit/addiction. You will have sex more often than you would if you were single obviously, but porn itself is a form of escape for many. The images you see on the net are not an accurate depiction of sex. Watching too much porn might desensitize you from what real sex is with your wife/GF, and it can cause things like ED and other symptoms.

Speaking from experience, I had a stretch of 30+ days without PMO recently, and it was the best 30 days I can remember from a sex standpoint. Erections were back, and all I had to do was hug my wife and I would be in the mood. It was great. Prior to that, with PMO's 2-3 times a week, it was difficult to perform consistently. I recently had a relapse and trying to get back on straight and narrow.

Long story short, no, being married/in a relationship won't be enough to cure your PMO addiction. Hell, it may not even be an addiction, it may just be something you do from time to time. Marriage itself isn't going to solve it completely.

 

I know exactly what i are saying bigdave0 because, I am also married and have struggled with pmo. A relationship cannot heal you it, must be a personal decision and one i are willing to put everything i have into overcoming. There are those relationships where it is totally open, and then your partner can be your strength and support. That is the ideal situation. Thank i for sharing your thoughts they are insightful.

 

This is going to blow your mind but porn addiction has nothing to do with sex. In the beginning we might look at porn because it's exciting, fun, and feels good. But behind the scenes, many of us end up using porn as a way to make ourselves feel better as an unhealthy coping mechanism. Addicts use things/objects/images to alter, medicate, sooth, numb, or escape from negative feelings. It can be as minor as boredom or loneliness, as serious as childhood trauma, or to medicate an underlying mental health problem such as depression or anxiety. Addicts use the PMO process as a coping mechanism.

Many single people mistakenly think getting married and having access to unlimited sex will cure our problem. But often the opposite happens. Married life gives us additional reasons to PMO. Often, we do not understand how dysfunctional we have become until we enter a close and personal relationship with someone.

I was someone who thought the same way you did. My wife and I also belong to a religion that forbids premarital sex. I thought my 'bad habit' would go away once I got married. But I would have sex with my wife at night and PMO when she wasn't around. Our marriage suffered greatly. After 17 years my wife threatened to move out, take our children with her, and tell everyone who asked the real reason why. That was my rock-bottom moment and I quit cold turkey that night.

Imagine addiction being a black hole in the center of your body. No amount of sex or porn can satisfy it. Even if you could conceivably have sex 24 hours a day it would not satisfy that craving. Addicts enter a 'trance' or 'autopilot mode' when they look at porn. They are putting themselves in state of mind that is pain-free, judgment-free, and stress-free. Parts of their brain shuts off and they binge for hours in order to stay in this state of perfect nirvana. Real life sex does not compare and cannot compete. Addicts are chasing a feeling that is an illusion and is temporary. And here's the part that is the illness... instead of turning to true sources of comfort, addicts mistakenly believe they can be happy if they look at porn more often, look at more hardcore versions of porn, or attempt to bring their fantasies to life. With every failure they try harder to achieve that ever elusive feeling of true happiness which is an illusion.

That is why marriage cannot cure addiction.

 

Totally appreciate this post, it speaks mountains of truth. Sex is not what satisfies a mind addicted to pmo especially if stress is a trigger for someone. Often times when I have had a stressful event occur i find the desire to sneak off forgetting everything and everyone else. At that moment I become more concerned with my gratification but, afterwards nothing can soothe the pain and remorse. Then I easily justify a binge because, "...it is to late I have already started down the path." Is what I hear in my mind, and the overcoming cycle starts all over. Marriage does not help i overcome pmo. Instead it can add more shame and guilt to the equation.