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First week of nofap in months!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by NewMe2014, Feb 16, 2014.

  1. NewMe2014

    NewMe2014 Fapstronaut

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    I'd just like to say thanks to everyone on this site. I have gone my first week without masturbating as of yesterday. Such a huge milestone for me! I watched porn and masturbated to get my mind off of stress. I have been out of work since December, and since I laid off the porn in September, I have masturbated soooooooooo much.

    This site has been such a strength to me. I learned that water takes the path of least resistance, so if you create a path before it rains, you can actually direct where the water is going to flow. Our thoughts are like water, and unless we have made a plan of where to go when we feel like relapsing, we'll be straight back to PMO. This site has been a major part of my new path.

    I have gained an accountable partner through this site that has helped me so much. He is the perfect fit for my situation, and I would never have found him otherwise.

    I am grateful for everyone's opinions on this site, especially if it contradicts mine. It's nice to see things in a different light. Some of my opinions have changed, and some have been strengthened.

    I'm not free of my addiction yet (and probably won't ever be free of it), but I can manage it a lot better thanks to many of you.
     
  2. nobingeing

    nobingeing Fapstronaut

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    Hello, thanks for sharing the resource! i think it is amazing, these 12 steps. its very clear and simple to understand :)
     
  3. I am so very pleased for you. It is exhilarating as a pernicious habit like this recedes into the background - congratulations on your first week completely free from porn AND masturbation. I really appreciate your analogy of water (to represent our neural pathways): "Our thoughts are like water, and unless we have made a plan of where to go when we feel like relapsing, we'll be straight back to..." porn and masturbation.

    Here is an illustration regarding our thought processes which you may also appreciate - 'if you plant flowers, you get flowers; if you plant weeds, you get weeds; if you plant nothing, you get... weeds! That is how it is with our minds. If we do not plant wholesome seeds in our mind, we get... lustful and licentious thoughts and desires. This principle is articulated by the apostle Paul in Philippians 4:8,9...

    "Finally, brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are of serious concern, whatever things are righteous, whatever things are chaste, whatever things are lovable, whatever things are well-spoken-of, whatever things are virtuous, and whatever things are praiseworthy, continue considering these things. The things that you learned as well as accepted and heard and saw in connection with me, practice these, and the God of peace will be with you."
     
  4. NewMe2014

    NewMe2014 Fapstronaut

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    I used masturbation and pornography to divert my attention away from my stress, and low self esteem. Often, I would go on auto-pilot mode, and all of a sudden there'd be porn on my computer screen. I feel like an idiot for saying this, but it's true. Sometimes, I would deliberately seek out porn, but often it would be an accident. Going through the 12 step program has helped me be honest with myself. The first step is to admit your life has become unmanageable. I always thought to myself, "My life IS manageable. Sometimes I can't control my masturbation, because work is so stressful, but I never miss work, because of it. Sometimes I look at porn, but I don't have to see it everyday. etc..." I never got withdrawal symptoms like can't eat, can't sleep, shaky, etc... BUT I would think about it a lot when I was abstaining from it. I would think of new porn acts to look for, new types of bodies, and I would regret not looking at more when I had the chance. I worked in a warehouse at the time of my porn addiction, and I was a part of an inventory control team. We would confirm actual inventory with what the computer said we had. Sometimes, we'[d have to count boxes of clothes, and I got packages of underwear a few times. I wasn't viewing porn at the time, but seeing the underwear models triggered me, and I was back to porn shortly after. Around that time, I realized that my life had become unmanageable, because porn was on my mind more than I realized, and way more than I actually wanted. For me, if I can't control my thoughts, my life has become impacted and I can't manage it.

    I learned that much about myself as I worked each step. A beautiful thing about the program is as you're actively working on your current step, you're also passively working on a few other steps simultaneously. For instance, when you realize your life is unmanageable (step 1), you realize you need God (step 2). When you realize you need God, you begin to desire to ask for help (step 3). I was breaking down my pride as I realized how much I needed God, but I was concentrating on step 1!

    In September, I had stopped masturbating too because of my work in the program. However, I got involved in some business with a member of that program, and he took advantage of me a whole lot. He still goes, but I don't. It's been extremely hard for me to deal with his selfishness. I've forgiven him several times, but the hurt comes back. As a result, I don't go to those meetings anymore. I don't want to runaway from life every time he shows up, but the atmosphere in that meeting is very inviting and open. I went one time, and shared some very personal things. When I shut up, I realized all of the ammo I just gave him. He never used it, but I don't want to give him the chance.

    That's why I found this website. The accountability here has helped me tremendously. This site isn't as good as the meeting was for me, but it is still very effective. The examples of other men struggling, and succeeding have been very helpful. There were only 10-12 guys in my program, but there's hundreds here. I feel better knowing that these addictions are real, and that they really are hard to overcome.
     
  5. NewMe2014

    NewMe2014 Fapstronaut

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    I LOVE that! It is very true for me. Thanks for sharing it!
     
  6. NewMe2014

    NewMe2014 Fapstronaut

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    Well, crap! I fapped tonight. I haven't been getting good sleep, haven't kept a schedule, spent too much time on the computer, and started looking up inappropriate things online. The good news is I didn't log on to any porn sites. The great news is I had a 12 day streak of success!! So, I'm back on the horse, and ready to break my newest streak.

    I am so grateful for this site! Usually, I would not be able to still see the positives after I relapse. I think I can now, because of all of the uplifting threads and comments you and other men have shared on here. I'm really not upset, or depressed at all. I'm a bit disappointed in myself, but I know that my last streak is a major success, and the experience of it can still aid me in my personal endeavors to quit. It's not like I saved my money for 12 days, and then blew it all on unlucky lotto tickets. It's like I ate healthy for 12 days, and just binged on a lot of chocolate. This one binge won't undo all of my achievements. As unfortunate as it is that I discontinued my streak, it has taught me more about my limits, and that is knowledge I can use to assist me in my next streak.
     
  7. freedomwarrior

    freedomwarrior Fapstronaut

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    I like this quote. Also a reminder to you, my friend, since I see you reset your counter today. Start again. Stay focused and strong.
     

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