First virgin, now ED

franco216 · Jan 18, 2017

Hi everyone,

a bit of pre-history:

I'm back to the forums after a while. A few month ago I succeeded with +50 days of no PMO. I went back to PMO more or less, however, a few important things changed. I don't masturbate as often anymore and porn lost a lot of its temptation to me. I'm confident that I might succeed to turn my back to PMO once and for all ... however, there are other factors that kind of ruin the plan. This is my habit of coping with anxiety via PMO. When my anxiety is low, I can have very long streaks. Once my anxiety shows up (can be triggered by external events), no good intention, no counter-measure, no degree of self-discipline seems to be powerful enough.

What happend now, is a different story though. I'm thirty years old and I'm a virgin. I had sexual contact with a few girls, but never actual penetration.
This was about to change a few days ago. I met a girl who I really like and am attracted to, and WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT she's also into me and very ... uhm ... uninhibited regarding sex. A dream coming true!

At my first chance of being with her, I didn't bring any condoms. At the next chance, everything was fine and I was prepared. We were laughing about the fact that she probably had more guys than I had girls (she believes I'm just a "good boy", I didn't tell her the full embarrassing truth - even though I guess she wouldn't even mind). And when she was ready, I had to face the fact that I won't happen: ED.

I'm writing this simply to share my story. I look forward to any comments. Two more remarks:

She was the coolest person you can imagine and even consoled me. Because of this, and because I'm still happy of having met her, I'm not as depressed.
However: I'm anxious. I don't know if I'll be able to perform next time. And repeated failure would just add up to my anxiety. Also, I haven't had a boner since this incident (but shortly before: no problem) and I don't know what to do now.

StevenSpleen · Jan 21, 2017

Hi Franco

Thanks for sharing. I'm 32 M, I too was a virgin until a couple of years ago, I'd had GF's before and done some sexual things but not full intercourse. I didn't tell my most recent GF that I was a virgin, I don't know why (embarrassed I guess). I lied to her about it, and that's never a good start to any relationship, I massively regret not telling her at the beginning. It caused many additional arguments because she kept thinking that I wasn't turned on by her or attracted to her sexually. My problem was that I was a bit nervous about it and concerned that maybe because I'd watched so much porn that I wouldn't be able to perform as she might expect which caused me to worry about it. We did have sex many times in the relationship but I had to make up additional lies to cover the main one I'd already told her which caused additional arguments. She knows now that she was my first and told me I should have been honest with her from the start because she would have respected my honesty and made my first time more memorable, but I can never change the fact that I lied to her for so long and repeatedly.

My advice to you is; Don't make the same mistakes as me. - I'm not saying you need to tell her about a porn addiction just be honest that you are a virgin. If she likes you it wont matter to her, she'll probably even be a bit chuffed about being your first.

Hope all goes well for you

franco216 · Jan 21, 2017

StevenSpleen said: ↑

Hi Franco

Thanks for sharing. I'm 32 M, I too was a virgin until a couple of years ago, I'd had GF's before and done some sexual things but not full intercourse. I didn't tell my most recent GF that I was a virgin, I don't know why (embarrassed I guess). I lied to her about it, and that's never a good start to any relationship, I massively regret not telling her at the beginning. It caused many additional arguments because she kept thinking that I wasn't turned on by her or attracted to her sexually. My problem was that I was a bit nervous about it and concerned that maybe because I'd watched so much porn that I wouldn't be able to perform as she might expect which caused me to worry about it. We did have sex many times in the relationship but I had to make up additional lies to cover the main one I'd already told her which caused additional arguments. She knows now that she was my first and told me I should have been honest with her from the start because she would have respected my honesty and made my first time more memorable, but I can never change the fact that I lied to her for so long and repeatedly.

My advice to you is; Don't make the same mistakes as me. - I'm not saying you need to tell her about a porn addiction just be honest that you are a virgin. If she likes you it wont matter to her, she'll probably even be a bit chuffed about being your first.

Hope all goes well for you
Click to expand...

Thanks man! In theory, I'm well aware that authenticity (= not lying) is key for intimacy. In practice, my anxiety undermines my decision-making and I end up lying.

So thanks for sharing your story. I will keep it in mind. It will hopefully help me to be honest right away.

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