first time

Hi every one
well as u know we are here for a reason . its fighting this PMO . For the first time in my life . I am 36 now . This monday i went to youtube and start searching porn addiction . And voila for the first time . Most of the last 8 years of my life made sence . I have a serious addiction. And i need to fight for healthy life and stop the torture .
I mean the story is long . I am gonna try to be short . As most of guys we all axperience fapping in order to see if u can orgasme . I did it and felt good . But my problem is coming from a poor 3th world country and the religion affect . Made dating girls kind of hard plus coming from a disfuctional home where mental issues was among us . Any way i tried my best . Study . Got a job . But sex . Honestly when i do need it . I paid for it . Because my missedup social skills . And the viewing of porn . Make you horny more than normal. Porn start at my job . One of the co-worker start passing out movies and videos . That was the intoduction. By than i never had a girlfriend . Than comes 2005 when i came to the US . Where porn was very accessible for me . Internet where i lived . And dvd sold every where . I used to fap almost every day . And felt like shit next day . Sometimes i stay up all night watching pprn and enjoing my self and holding that preejaculation for hours . I do not want to orgasm untill . It slipp out of ur hand . Now u r stock remembring the last scene and want to do better.
Than comes a girl in my life . I have to say . Having a partner helpes a lot . But in contraire i staid in porn . I do it when she go to school . Or shoping . At work . Bathroom . In my case i always stoped . Days weeks and months never a year . And always falled back in to it . U dont know how to stop . Its a very tempting . A fantacy pleasure . And a very emotional rollocoster. This pmo . Fuck my life to the max . Maybee . Its the reason i am single now . Plus my ex was strugling with drugs all her life . So when ever she rellapse . I give my self excuse to pmo . What a stupid . Every time she go on a beng on drugs . I have my time now to drink and porn . To nump the pain when it just make it worse . So i quit for a month . Than relapse last friday . Did pmo for three days . Till monday when i decide to look for the problem. I am pmo free for 6 days now. I had couple trigers . 2 nights ago . I was on you tube than i saw me history . Kind l stare for a second want to start than i said no its not right just be patient . And i fall asleep . I feel better now i jogg yesterday . And i dstermin to fight . Even its hard . I liked before to state at girls butts . I try not to and i am trying to have a diffrent view on womens not only attraction . But a challenge . I am gonna be here and honest untill this illness is over . God bless . I pray for everyone.