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Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by NewSeason916, Jul 9, 2018.

  1. NewSeason916

    NewSeason916 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi
    So....it's been a long road. Started early in life with images. Got married at 21 going it wouldn't persist. It only morphed. Eventually visited my first of hundreds of massage parlors then escorts. Lost the marriage when I confessed and couldn't promise to abstain. Divorced. Lost my family and calling. Ran amuck for a few years. Then restarted everything last year thru a rescue mission. Working again. Got a few men I stay accountable with. Got 6 months June 5 th since I last had an orgasm. Been weird physically. Still going thru alot mentally. Back and forth with my values. My ex and I are engaged to remarry. I promised only to remarry if I was able to keep this from happening again. I honestly don't know if I will. Or want to. It's tough lately. The kids and family value is so high for me, yet so is peace and freedom. Peace is not lying or hiding. I want true integrity. I'll be moving to Sacramento soon and really need a group or sponsor I can be 100% honest with. I'm scared. I've never had this kind of time off since I was 11. It's all new. I like the self respect I feel. But I had lost all negative condemnation over the lifestyle so I wouldn't beat myself up if I went back, I'd just be honest and know I couldn't enter a marriage again. I can't talk to her without upsetting her. She won't go into counseling. I think I'm over it. Then something happens. The worst seems behind me. But a little anxiety and I get blue balls bad. With no release. Ugh. So here I am looking for more support and somewhere to vent . I fear I may be losing my accountability partners due to life changes, moving etc. I don't want to go into hiding again. Although now that I'm upright again and not depressed I can imagine living that lifestyle again. I lived a double life for so long. The self condemnation was the worst. Anyway, one day at a time. Thanks
     
    STAR DUST likes this.
  2. drac16

    drac16 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to NoFap. It sounds like you need to get your life back on track. Quitting PMO is part and parcel of that. Use your fiancé as motivation to quit. Certainly she deserves to have you at your best, right?
     

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