First journal of making change work

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Mourde, Mar 15, 2019.

  1. Mourde

    Mourde Fapstronaut

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    I'm 50 and have struggle with my porn addiction for most of my life! My wife and I have been married of over 20 years and have been together for close to 24 years! My wife has always known I did it and in some cases enabled it cause she felt it was a way to be closer to me and it would make are relationship better and over the years we fought about it while I struggled and ignored it and she put up with it in the Hope's I would quit!
    About a month ago it came down to a big fight about it and she told me she just cant put up with it anymore! So I decided I needed to do some big changes! Cause losing her to this is not an option! So far she has been very supportive in Hope's that this change works, I have been PM free for over three weeks now and trying to make my self better!
     
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  2. Brooklyn Jerry69

    Brooklyn Jerry69 Fapstronaut

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    Good luck Mourde,its sure not worth losing a living loving wife over some inate images on a computer screen. Keep up the good work.
     
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  3. Mourde

    Mourde Fapstronaut

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    Thanks I totally agree!
     
  4. hopefuldude

    hopefuldude Fapstronaut

    Great to see you getting strong about making these changes. A new and better you is possible. I suggest a couple of things to help you get started...

    1. Journal here on this thread often, every day if possible. The self-reflection, encouragement, advice, and sometimes 'kick-in-the-pants' is invaluable to your recovery.

    2. Don't just focus on not doing porn, but also what you are going to do to replace porn. Start imaging what you want your new life to look like and plan accordingly. The reasons you did porn are probably still there. Find out what they are and choose other, healthy ways to deal with them.

    You can do this bro!

    HD
     
    Mourde and Brooklyn Jerry69 like this.
  5. Mourde

    Mourde Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a bunch I know I got a long way to go!
     
    hopefuldude likes this.
  6. Mourde

    Mourde Fapstronaut

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  7. Mourde

    Mourde Fapstronaut

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    Today after a setback yesterday my wife and I had a long talk and I got to truly walk a little in her shoes and realized the hell she has to go throw with my addiction!
    After a lot of reading through out the forums and a lot of tears today I truly feel bad for the 24 wasted years I gave her!
    Today is my awakening! I was always told there was only two kinds of liars in men, ones who say the never masterbated and others who say they quit!
    I never realized how messed up my childhood was or maybe I just blocked it out but I realized everything that was projected on me as a kid about women was so far off it ain't funny!
    But I'm not here to put blame anywhere but on myself and to take acountibilty for my actions! My goals are to change not only for myself but for my wife and my kids which two of them are young men I dont want to be raised like I was!
    And for my wife you are saint for putting up with it and I know I can never make up for the things I have done but I will make things right with myself to be able to give you the life with me you deserve!
     
    Healed! likes this.
  8. Mourde

    Mourde Fapstronaut

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    Today we are going out and I'm going to make a conscious effort not to look at other women like I did the day before,i never really realized how bad i was!
     

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