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First Day On NoFap And In Need Of Advice

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by kitsune, May 28, 2018.

  1. kitsune

    kitsune New Fapstronaut

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    Today I brought up to my boyfriend that I think he might have a porn addiction.

    My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for over half a year, and we've known each other for over 3. We've gone through so much together. He helped me through a horrible past abusive friendship, we've traveled internationally together, and I was there for him when his father passed. We became friends, who then turned to friends with benefits, and to now partners. My boyfriend has a past of speaking with mistresses, whom he would go to to be dominated. All of this he was open with and at that time I never thought much of it until now when I look back at it.

    A few months into our relationship my boyfriend mentioned that in the few relationships he's had before dating me he has this almost mental block from seeing his partner in a sexual light. He was curious if he might have a porn addiction but neither of us really understood the symptoms of it and how serious porn addiction really is. So all I did was do my best to understand and offer my support, but as time went on this issue became more prevalent in our relationship. He opened up to me about how he had a hard time seeing me as a sexual partner, not because I'm not attractive but because of our relationship and him being used to seeking sexual release through mistresses. How talking to these mistresses felt like porn to him, which made him feel ashamed for viewing women in such a light but he wanted to be honest. Because of this, he has made his fair share of slip-ups (ie. talking to old mistresses) which were hard for me to come to terms with but I didn't want to give up because I knew he felt guilty and wanted to make things work.

    Recently we've come back to the topic of him having a difficult time viewing me as a sexual partner. Yesterday we were trying to figure out what might be the reason because like I said it isn't because he doesn't love me or finds me unattractive, but something psychological. We just couldn't put our fingers on it until I thought back to when he mentioned he might have a porn addiction. Last night I did some research and read a few articles on porn addiction and even some videos, like the "Dirty Little Secret" series by Terry Crews, and everything seemed to click. The difficulty with being sexual with me, him being somewhat mentally absent during sex, and having to fantasize about certain scenarios to keep his erection. When he woke up I told him that I think he might have a porn addiction. It was a hard pill to swallow. He's set plans to go to therapy in regards to this of his own volition, but he's still apprehensive about going because part of him is scared of losing something he once found enjoyable. If this really is porn addiction, this is going to be a long and hard road for the both of us but I don't want to give up. This experience has hurt me incredibly but I don't feel right just leaving things here and I know he loves me.

    I guess if there's anything I can ask of all of you that have read this is some insight and words of advice or comfort.
     

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