Hi, welcome on my journey for piece, freedom and success. I'm 17 years old and I've decided to start this journal because I really need to change. This addiction is eating me up. I started PMO around 11 years old, first friends showed me this, then I discovered it on TV, it didn't take long and I moved to internet porn. Was very good at chess, won many competitions, national, I went to other countries as well but from 11 years I trained less and less and stopped playing competitions. I've been on nofap for around 3 years. I was doing really good at first, had 50 days streak, then 123 days. Probably best days of my life, wasn't very productive back then but i was socializing a lot, going out and basically having fun. I was just living my life, laughing on this addiction. Then I became very ill. I had to be in bed for 2 months and from boredom I gave in. Even after my success I just couldn't resist and kept relapsing over and over. For last year and half I haven't had streak lasting more than 23 days. My addiction got worse and worse. I was able to spend 3, 4 or even 5 hours straight just PMOing. The worst thing for me are P games, I can spend hours just deciding which to choose and another hours on completing them. Like every true addict, I tried to get free many times, went few days, failed and cycle just continued. Sometimes I even stopped counting relapses for month but the pain has always got me back to nofap. At least I was going to gym sometimes but I didn't grow many muscles. I was postponing many goals and haven't really accomplished anything. Lust just overtook me today and I relapsed again around 4pm. Last month and half I started seeing this website (previously only reddit). I think that this site is much better than reddit, mainly journals, and it gave me some motivation to continue. On this journey I'll write quick note about my state of mind/urges, things that happened to me, accomplishments and room for improvement everyday in the evening just before bed. I'll try to not be so hard to myself but it's not really my style . It's hardmode so I won't bother with girls at least from start. I'm really looking forward to this journey, I'm willing to sacrifice everything for victory. I'll fight with every last straw of my willpower to fulfill my goals.