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Finally admitting that I have a problem

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by misato-katsuragi, Feb 25, 2019.

  1. I'm a 32 yr old married male, who grew up since my pre-teens with access to internet, so this is a problem for over 18 or so years.

    When I was 17, I lost my virginity and unlike the expected premature ejaculation situation of the first time, I wasn't able to orgasm at all, as a teenager that was kinda... awesome? I could do it for hours! I totally had the stamina for that! Looking back I believe this was a symptom of my problem.

    I was never able to maintain long-term relationships with other people, I don't blame addiction here, that's just part of my personality. But I never had to deal with the consequences of not being able to reach an orgasm during sex. I had orgasms with masturbation so it was "fine".

    Before my twenties, I started to notice that straight porn was no longer enough for me, and I started to explore bisexual and gay porn videos. This was the first time that I noticed that something was wrong but I didn't pay much attention, I accepted it and included it on my habits, even anal masturbation. I don't see myself in being attracted to men in order to have a relationship, but I feel an immense sexual attraction to men solely for the act of sex, even thought I've never been with a man in my life, this is something that grew with my problem, I've never been attracted to a man in my life as I've been with women, so deep down I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or just straight with gay fantasies, I don't really care about labels, my point is that I really believe that my addiction is making me confused about it.

    During my twenties I got a girlfriend, who is now my current wife.

    This was the first time that things started to go wrong. I couldn't orgasm during sex, and she started to believe that she was to blame. I was able to convince her that I was the problem since I was never able to orgasm during sex and she accepted it.

    She asked a lot of times for me to go to the doctor, but I know that physically everything is fine, my problem is inside my head.

    Not having orgasms during sex came with a price obviously. Because I don't orgasm during sex, her reward for having sex disappeared, so she became less and less interested in having sex. She has low libido, so her orgasms are not enough to increase her motivation for sex.

    The lack of sex turned into lack of intimacy and this kinda grew into a resentful relationship, and while other problems are also to blame into our relationship, I know that this addiction of mine takes a really huge slice of my pie of problems.

    I don't have the courage to tell her about my problem.

    I've also noticed that I am now watching at porn during work hours, not actual porn websites, but sites that I know that every once in a while will display some sexy image or a naked lady.

    I don't know if trying NoFap will save my marriage, but I reckon that I need to start somewhere, and even if everything else falls apart, if I get to stop consuming porn, that's a huge victory for me, specially because it would allow me to find out if my inability to orgasm during sex is related to this addiction, which I really believe it is but I need to remove porn and death grip out of the way to be sure. Otherwise I really need a doctor.

    I've been able to stop masturbating for periods of 2 weeks, my longest in the last 4 years was probably one month, and I noticed that after those periods, I'm more sensible and I need way less time to climax, so I know that there will be benefits for me in trying this.

    I have a problem, that I know that is hard to fix. I've tried alone in the past while convincing myself that it was fine, and it's not.
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2019
    Sterkte likes this.
  2. Faceplanter

    Faceplanter Fapstronaut

    Own it, make yourself better first, or try, then eventually you should own up to this to your wife. She might already know, but still better you tell her.

    Read, journal, understand what you brain is doing. I look forward to seeing you succeed. Sorry, that's all for now, I'm dead tired. But, PMO free even on the bad days, you can be too.
     
  3. You're absolutely right. I do intend to eventually own up all this problem, I just have to confess that I would like to see some actual progress on my part before having "the talk" and at this point is just better to not overwhelm her with more problems, things are already hard as they are.

    But if my other problems work out, I do intend to talk with ther.
     

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