Fight song

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Reboot Logs' started by AmyggDalla, Nov 29, 2018.

  1. AmyggDalla

    AmyggDalla Fapstronaut

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    It's day two of reboot.

    First symptoms of withdrawal: when I try to fall asleep, I get these flashes of hardcore pornography in five second intervals, each time I feel like I'm going to wet the bed.

    I also had a dream:I was in a place, I felt like "I have been here before". There were big pile of pictures of me (as younger adult) and another person, who in the dreams narrative had been my lover. One picture was illustrated pic of me, this person and little dog watching out of the window, this pic had clearly been drawn with affection. Caption: "things as they used to be". At the bottom of the pile there were porn-sub photographs, and I thought that this shit has potential to trigger me. Then I woke up. And cried like a maniac.

    There is this one woman. I'm having small a crush. She is highly intelligent, funny and she has adorable laugh. She draws comics (she draws illustrated pictures) and is very good at it. Just thinking about her makes me feel better.

    If I don't stop this toxic shit, there is not even chance to have healthy relationship with her, or with anyone, not even with myself.

    I feel like that dream was kind of pep-talk, motivating me as i fight this.
     
    Stitch 626 and Troubled_Teen like this.
  2. Stitch 626

    Stitch 626 Fapstronaut

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    That's a deep dream, my friend. It will certainly help you to remember your goals and keep you strong. I'm cheering for you here. We're all on the way to become better people!
     
    AmyggDalla likes this.
  3. AmyggDalla

    AmyggDalla Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. It felt deep, for sure.
     
    Stitch 626 likes this.
  4. AmyggDalla

    AmyggDalla Fapstronaut

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    Better?
    Maybe if that username was reason why you came here, you should think "what the fuck I'm doing?"
    I realized that I should have thought that when I came in place like this with name like that.
    I did, thanks to you. Realy: thanks. I want to think myself as "do no harm" person.
    But maybe next time, don't be sarcastic about it? It realy was human error, nothing sinister.
     
  5. AmyggDalla

    AmyggDalla Fapstronaut

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    I have tendency to read subtext in places that have none.
     
    Troubled_Teen likes this.
  6. AmyggDalla

    AmyggDalla Fapstronaut

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    It's day six of my reboot

    I told my mother that I'm porn addict, and getting clean.
    This isn't easy thing to do, but I manage. There has been urges, but I'm not an animal - my brains can't force me to do anything I don't want to do. I try to limit time I spend here; it just reminds me that I'm an addict - bring more urges - maybe best course of action is controlled forgetting.
    Yesterday was kind of horrific/shitty day.
     

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