Fetish came roaring back (100+ days)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by krdt, Aug 24, 2019.

  1. krdt

    krdt Fapstronaut

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    I'm a little disappointed and it's probably my fault so only sticking partially to the recovery process.

    I went around 60days no PMO and finally fapped one morning. During those 60 days, I made great progress including the excellent & exciting return of morning wood & major attraction to genetic females again.... that was my to be my downfall.

    My horniness got the better of me and I put one of those woods to work aka fapped.

    I didn't fantasize, just a release. But then I did it again, then again, then AGAIN over the coming months and have struggled to get back into a decent streak.

    One positive is I still have not looked at porn. I was doing this whole NoFap thing to kill a porn-induced TS fetish. I was never thinking about TS during that nofap streak. I thought at least refraining from viewing porn despite still fapping occasionally I would be still recovering.

    Wrong.

    Out of the blue last week after 100+ days no porn. I got a series of text messages from a TS (my fetish) on a dating site (that I was inactive on but got an email notification). She sent some majorly triggering material and I got insanely horny and I fapped. I'm pissed I allowed my brain chemistry to be rewarded thus undoing months of hard work.

    It was depressing, I'm worried I'll never be able to drop this addiction/fetish and get back to my pre-porn self.

    Would like some insights from the community. Has anyone been in a similar position?
     
  2. It's TIME to STOPPP

    It's TIME to STOPPP Fapstronaut

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    it is okay, I've been through the same thing as you after breaking a streak, but only worse (because I also watched porn). The chaser effect is strong, as your mind might think you already ruined your streak so you might just fap and fap and fap all day. I've now gotten out of the loop and hope you will soon get out of this thing.
     
  3. Trying358

    Trying358 Fapstronaut

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    To some extent, yes. I've found that the key with fetishy type material is that you'll be into one thing, but once you get into another, the previous fetish will get backburnered and subside. If, at some point, you go back to the prior one, as you did, then it will be reactivated. So I think what I'd do is just focus on something else and hope the fetish will subside. It's always going to be there, just as when you stop smoking the memory of smoking is always there, but if it isn't your primary sexuality you can ignore it if you stay away from porn. This kind of accident may happen, but you'll know how to deal with it -- just delete and move on.

    Again, I wouldn't worry about the fact that the fetish is there. If you focus on other things, it won't matter, and it would be hard to remove, though a psychologist could give you some CBT techniques to help suppress it.
     
  4. BreakingBenjamin

    BreakingBenjamin Fapstronaut

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    Many addicts get into TS porn, its a very popular category in the tubes. Thats what happens naturally when "normal" porn becomes boring. I`d say keep on nofap, but this time be more discipline with yourself and dont sext with TSs.
     
  5. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like you should permanently delete that site and block the number.

    Each relapse is a lesson. That seems to be the one for this one
     
  6. shamrock19

    shamrock19 Fapstronaut

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    I feel your pain man... on my previous streaks when i start to feel the benefits of recovery and my sexuality begins to return i always have let me guard down and relapsed. Know thy enemy, learn from your mistakes and buckle up again.

    Another thing in regards to your fetishes, i feel the neural pathways that support our addiction, kinks and what not will always be there, they fade and disapear gradually but can always be triggered again, therefore be mindful of this and always be on alert and kill the thought before it develops and starts to get momentum.
     
  7. Ash_says

    Ash_says Fapstronaut

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    One thing is for sure that you won't get back to it in a normal way. Like you did before your streak again and again without caring. It was a great advice though for others not to Fap. Just avoiding porn is not gonna work. Keep up man!! Your struggle is real.
     

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