Femdom addiction for 7 years, please help!

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by balkanic_falcon, Mar 15, 2017.

  1. balkanic_falcon

    balkanic_falcon Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone! First of all, sorry for my bad english, because my native language is serbo-croatian.

    It's great to see that site like this exists, and i'm very thankful to moderator of this site, i hope this will help me... because i never "opened my soul" to anyone, and never told to anyone what happening inside of me, because i'm introvert.

    I have 20 years, i have huge foot fetish, it attracted me since puberty... I started to fap on videos where women just show their feet. Later i was discover that it's connected with female dominance because i see videos where guys kiss/lick/worship their feet. I started to fap on these videos... Later even this became boring and i started to fap on videos where women force guys to worship their feet with humiliating them, and torturing them... Later i started to watch leashing videos, and then POV videos where women show their feet and telling how i should worship them. I spent hours on kneeling before monitor and kissing it, because those women from this sick industry telling me that!!! I started to fap on JOI (Jerk of instructions) videos where women command me when i should cum and where, i even did it in my mouth because they tell me this! I felt comfortable when woman is dominant and i'm submissive to her. I even try to fap usual hardcore femdom things: pissing, strap-on, ballbusting, toilet slave stuff... It all turns me on while watching it because it's women's dominant acting. The most attracting things to me are something like "slave orders" where women order you what to do, things like - feet/pussy/ass worshipping while humiliate me, that's whats turns me on more than anything else. In the last time i mostly search for mature women, and in beggining age was not matter... Now mature dominantrix turns me on more than young ones.

    I had 4 girls, all were older than me, because i like older girls. One girlfriend had 29 years while i had 19. In sex with them i have only oral sex expirience, while i mostly enjoyed in licking her...
    Last time when i wanted to have sex with my ex girl i didn't even had erection... I tried cure for potency but even this didn't helped!!! What happening to me guys?!

    I'm young, i never smoked or drink alcohol, i never use drugs... but this addiction is worse than drug addiction!!! I have problems with my parents because i told them that something bothering me, and they are like "what can bothering you? you have 20 years only!"
    I have strong, tall and athletic body, because i practice street workout everyday, people (and especially girls) usually say that i'm pretty looking, and that's why some younger girls would like to be with me in relationship, but i refuse them, i don't find them attractive, and i don't really want to be with them, even on a night.
    Also i feel so bad and dissapointed in everything because i never felt real emotions from ex girlfriends side...That's why now i almost became a "woman-hater" now. (I'm not really, it's just chaos in my head, because at same time i looked at my ex girlfriends as a Goddesses and treating them like real Queens, and they all broke with me with words "you're too good for me", or "i just lose my emotions to you, because you're too good".) It killing me inside, i'm emotive and hyper-sensitive person...

    I tell to my mother about my erection problem and she understands... I tell her only about it, not about my porn addiction problem (the real cause of this problem), and i buy some book "how to solve erection problems"...

    During this "sex" with ex girlfriends i had erection only when we practiced femdom things, when i kissed their feet, when i licked their pussy/ass, when i worshiped them...Sometimes i had even while i kiss her boobs and belly, and etc. But not that hard like when i did what i said before. Interesting thing is that i even had hard erection while their kissed my neck, chest and belly... But all of my ex didn't wanted to give me penetration, why?!
    I never tried any whips, handcuff and thins like that, because it don't turns me on even not in porn. But for sure leash would turns me on because i like when they treat me like a dog!!!
    I'm bad student because all of it, bad in communication with people, especially with girls, i was raised and i live in patriarchal conservative community, i'm personally very conservative and all what i want is loyal girlfriend, that i love her, and that she loves me, i want future with loyal woman and many kids, i'm person who will do ANYTHING for people i love! I often read books, i practice swimming, street workout, calisthenics, alpinism, i did things which are out of comfort zone (for example cold shower), during the school i was always been the guy who entertain the crowd, my neighbors like me and usually telling me that i'm polite, cultured, exquisite, and good guy.. people around me usually telling me that i'm nice-looking, attractive and smart guy... (especially girls)... And ex girlfriends telling me that usually, but no one from them really loved me.

    But.. I'm pretty asocial and i have few good friends and that's all, they know all my secrets expect this one! I NEVER TOLD THIS TO ANYONE 7 YEARS.
    I don't really want to be with any girl for now, for some time... I really need a reboot and I NEED TO GET RID OFF MY FEMDOM FETISH NOW, beucase often i think about suicide! I NEED TO STOP THIS MADNESS IN MY HEAD, it really bothering me inside, sometimes i feel i will got mad because all of this... All "wet dreams" i had were femdom dreams... I tried few times with no porn/NoFap, and i did it maximum for a month, maybe 2 months maximum, and during that time i felt better. I even tried with fapping to a "normal porn" and it turned me on but not that fast and not that intensely as femdom porn, because during watching a femdom porn i can cum in 3 seconds!
    Last month i started my new reboot and it was all good, i felt better and i improved myself in all aspects of life... Then, for no reason, i opened stupid porn site 20 minutes ago and i fapped on stupid femdom pov video! Now i regret why i even did this... But i can't change anything, i just feed that "kink junkie" in me... Anyone have advices, and tips which can help me? BECAUSE I CAN'T LIVE WITH THIS ANYMORE!!!

    GUYS, PLEASE HELP ME!!!
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2017
  2. dadidaduda

    dadidaduda Guest

    I'm sorry this is happening to you.
    I can't tell to what extent porn/internet has influenced you, but what makes you think you are not normal?? Perhaps rare but not sick and definitely not hurting anybody.

    I'm not personally into this kind of stuff and I have ended a relationship with someone who was - because I cared about him and wanted him to be himself. He deserves to be completely happy with a partner who is into same things. From what I know, he has been pretty successful and found himself a girlfriend.
    You absolutely can find a partner who is into same things. Patriarchal society is no reason to deny your own sexuality.

    Perhaps if you lay off the Internet you'll mellow out a bit and widen your interests to not just SM. Maybe focus on your studies for now and try to make some open-minded friends, expand your hobbies, travel etc. Focus on other aspects of your personal self improvement as you are not just who you are in bed - that's only a part of you, which is no one else business.

    Best wishes.
     
  3. balkanic_falcon

    balkanic_falcon Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for a reply!

    I know that it somehow become part of my sexuality (although my femdom fetish is caused by pornography), but i also know that my real sexuality is not only this, because i feel much better and i got turned on while just see nice-looking girl - during all those mini-periods of reboot, but during period of watching femdom porn, i can't turn on even on my girlfriend.
    I know that there's nothing wrong in enjoying in worshipping a girl, or giving her a oral sex, but i have few big problems:

    1. FEMDOM PORN ADDICTION
    Constantnly watching porn where women humiliate me i treat me like their slave. But after it i figure out that i actually not enjoying it and then i feel ashamed.

    2. FEMDOM ADDICTION (in general)
    Because my fantasies about women during period of watching it are only about femdom. I know it's not really part of my nature (at least not that much intesive), because during trying of reboot (when i withstand about 2 months, abstained from porn/fapping), i had less femdom fantasies, and more normal fantasies like true "primordial" passion and desire about women.

    3. ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION
    Caused by femdom porn. And it's psychological problem, it can't be physical - because i'm very young and healthy man, who actually much cares about his health. I think that i'm somehow scared how all this will be and i overthinking myself.
     
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2017
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  4. dadidaduda

    dadidaduda Guest

    If I were you I'd go out to a park or beach and write down my thoughts. Maybe read some self improvement books. You probably have some deep seeded traumas aside from porn, that you are not dealing with. We all do! Try to work out some other disbalances in your life and get rid off shame. Shame is the most powerful and harmful emotion.
    Take care of yourself
     
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  5. balkanic_falcon

    balkanic_falcon Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! I'll try this!

    I will also try this, again: Just typing this in "Local area connection":
    Preferred DNS Server: 208.67.222.123
    Alternate DNS Server: 208.67.220.123


    Then all pornography on internet is blocked, even pictures.

    I tried it few times, with help of this i abstain 2 months but then i (i don't know why) delete it and again started to watch porn... I do it again, i hope it will helps... I know that again i will have "need" for femdom porn but i just need to ignore these moments everytime and with time lust for femdom will be weaker and weaker.
     
  6. Themadfapper

    Themadfapper Fapstronaut

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    If it's part of your nature? Change your nature. Fuck this sexuality bullshit! It's a deviant behavior that is driving you to suicide!

    Femdom leads to you getting turned into a faggot, abused, humiliated, and eventually suicide[ That is where all the femdom videos lead, right?]. Women, in general, do not do well with men who are "submissive" [ really it's just fucked in the head] and will abuse you and use you. The women that are into this femdom crap are batshit insane and man-haters and will do all kinds of horrors to you if you allow it to happen.

    Where you abused sexually by a woman as a child? Have you been abused by women in other ways? Have you had a controlling manipulating mother? Femdom can be a like a real sick Stockholm syndrome where you try to rationalize the abuse and start thinking you like it, and it only gets worse from there the further you go down the sicker your mind gets. And it is a sickness thinking you like abuse or to be used by someone.
     
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  7. balkanic_falcon

    balkanic_falcon Fapstronaut

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    I wasn't abused sexually by a woman as a child, and wasn't abused by women in any ways... With mother i have normal relations, actually much better than with father.
    I know that it lead me into suicide, that's why i hate it, hate it after everytime after i watch it... But why i watch it at all? I don't know and will probably never know! Why fantasizing of being dominated by a woman bring me a pleasure? I hate it actually! In relationships i don't like to be dominant, but i also don't like that girls rule... I think that compromise is the key for good relationship... I actually hate both "feminist" and "macho" acting. And deep in myself all what i want from a woman is being feminine.
     
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  8. Themadfapper

    Themadfapper Fapstronaut

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    I think you're caught up in this sexuality "who you are" bullshit. You're into femdom because you started watching it. Guys get into tranny and gay porn as well but it's not " who they are".

    The best way I can put it to borrow from a youtube ad, " you are not your mind". Your mind is a trash can that picks up all the crap you come into contact on a daily basis. All that filth you watch goes into your mind. What you currently desire, what turns you on is not "who you are". You mind can be rewired and what you desire and what turns you on can change.
     
  9. balkanic_falcon

    balkanic_falcon Fapstronaut

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    That's right, my femdom fetish is caused by pornography.

    But can i cure it at all, after 7 years of addiction? How many time i need to reboot? What else i should do except stopping watching it and fapping on it?
     
  10. Themadfapper

    Themadfapper Fapstronaut

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    I struggled with the same kind of porn.

    Don't fantasize about it, don't try and rationalize that it's normal. Do not indulge in foot fetish either. It probably won't happen over night but your desire for it will dissipate. It helps to see it for what it is which is a filthy disgusting form of toxic poison. To realize it's not something you really enjoy [ or you would not be contemplating suicide] your mind has just been bent to think it's something you enjoy but in fact, it makes you miserable and feeling awful. It's a mental disorder or at least that is how I see it.
     
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  11. balkanic_falcon

    balkanic_falcon Fapstronaut

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    It's the worst and the most addictive type of porn ever.
    I don't know why, but i think it's like that.

    How many years you were addicted to femdom? You had problems with erection? After win in the struggle, you don't feel anything while thinking about femdom, expect disgust?
     
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  12. TheLoneDanger

    TheLoneDanger Fapstronaut

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    First off, I like to see that you are finally able to express yourself here and tell your story. But could you please edit your posts with trigger warnings at the top? There were some very triggering terms and descriptions in there that aren't always good for recovering fetishists to see.

    I also was into Femdom for the majority of my life. This started honestly before society had unlimited access to internet porn, so I know that there are things that quitting porn alone can't always erase. It doesn't always come from abusive mothers; my father was the abusive one and he was always gone when I needed him so I learned never to trust him. I had developed very bad self esteem and never felt good enough for anybody. This manifested itself in taking pleasure from being abused by women for some reason. That being said, I could still become aroused and perform in normal sexual situations.

    With the access of internet porn came a very deep love for the extreme Femdom genre. Over these years, my tastes became more and more extreme that I couldn't become aroused at normal stuff anymore. I accepted that this just might be who I am until I had developed PIED. I knew something was wrong so I looked into possible solutions online until I found NoFap's mission statement early this year. I haven't looked back since.

    Keep fighting this disease. A reboot may not solve all of your problems, but you'll be amazed at how different you view these things after you've been away long enough that their desire disappears. It's really the best way to combat this, so remember that each time it seems too difficult. It can be done and it's up to you if it will be done.
     
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  13. balkanic_falcon

    balkanic_falcon Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your support!

    I put "trigger warning" in the top of the text... Writting of everything i feel really helped me, because i never expressed myself about it for 7 years!

    For how long time you were into femdom?

    Another problem is that those feet femdom pov things exists everywhere, even on youtube. And... In my country exists many those sites and i even personally know those "mistresses" who were acting there, although i never wanted to have anything with them... It's so fuckin' weird!
     
  14. TheLoneDanger

    TheLoneDanger Fapstronaut

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    So I'm 41 years old and internet porn wasn't really prevalent until I was in my early 20s. The first type of Femdom foot fetish porn I ever saw was when I was 19. But I had fantasies of being dominated as far back as age 8 I believe, maybe earlier. So we're talking most of my life (over 30 years) I've had fantasies, and have been watching that type of porn regularly for at least 17 years.

    It's funny you mention knowing some of the women who are on those websites. I was reading in another forum about a man who was from Ukraine I think, and he used to own a large Femdom website. He even acted with these women during the scenes. But he realized that doing the acts in real life felt disgusting to him and didn't feel the same as when he watched the scenes on screen. He finally decided to quit the industry, reform himself, and now his website turned into a self-help blog for recovering Femdom addicts. It shows that this stuff is really messing with our brains, and not what we really want.
     
  15. balkanic_falcon

    balkanic_falcon Fapstronaut

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    I had moments when i looked for those "mistresses" to serve them in real life, but i didn't try this ever... I had money but i told to myself "NO, you will not spend your money on those bitches"... But in other moments i think "Well i would really like to try seance with them, but why to spend money if fucking porn can satisfy me"... The most funny thing is that almost all of those girls from these femdom sites have some macho boyfriend and these girls are probably submissive to these guys.

    But poor guys who acting in these videos are really addicts, and they posted in their social network profiles how they need mistress to serve them because they can't be in normal function without it...
    For example i like "public humiliation" in videos, but i will never try this in real life, although i will probably like foot fetish/worshipping stuff (because that's what really turns me on when i was with my ex girlfriends).

    That's why i should never try seances with "mistresses". Thank to the heavens that i never did.

    What's the most interesting... In the past few friends told me furtively that they like foot fetish/femdom stuff... And i didn't really knew what to tell them then, because i was considerably femdom addict. And foot fetish is pretty often fetish, but is foot fetish always connected with female domination? I started with softcore foot fetish, i mean, as i said... videos where women only show their feet... But when i saw that it's connected with female domination, then i started to like femdom. So probably i really have foot fetish, because it was always nice to me to see girl's feet, but i were attracted by normal sex etc. And it's proof that my femdom fetish is porn-induced. What's the most horrible thing to me is my PIED - porn-induced erectile dysfunction, and i refuse young hot girls who wants to be with me just because i'm afraid that i will not be able again to have normal sex with them... And they all probably see in me some macho guy, because of my athletic body, but this "macho" in me is totally killed by femdom porn.
     
  16. TheLoneDanger

    TheLoneDanger Fapstronaut

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    Well if you can just stay strong and keep up with the reboot, you should be able to get your functions back. The first step is acknowledging that you need to reboot. The second and more difficult step is actually rebooting.
     
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  17. IGY

    IGY Guest

    I see that you are being your usual offensive and sexually discriminatory self. Why don't you just stop this anti-gay cause?
     
  18. balkanic_falcon

    balkanic_falcon Fapstronaut

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    Guys, i relapsed... I searched for things like "how to stop foot fetish/femdom videos" on youtube, and i relapsed on a foot fetish pov video again... This never happened to me, usually i had strong will but now i feel like i lose it... I have no idea what to do, at least i can write all my thoughts here, it's my only remedy.

    Should i visit a psychologist?
     
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  19. balkanic_falcon

    balkanic_falcon Fapstronaut

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    During the most "hardcore" period of being into femdom i fapped on it one time per 2,3 weeks... So, not really often, but anyway my main problem is often fantasizing about it, i had those problems with my ex girlfriends, i feel that i can even stop watching this forever, but also i feel that fantasizing about it will be eternal, which is of course not truth, but brain is a trickster.
     
  20. skeptical

    skeptical Fapstronaut

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    what if you would stop these fantasies? just immediately when they enter your head, you stop them
     
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