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Feelings of Beauty

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by CowardlyLion, May 4, 2018.

  1. CowardlyLion

    CowardlyLion Fapstronaut

    I’ve posted a topic similar to this before but it’s sonething that continues to come up and eat away at the good in my relationship.

    This morning my girlfriend was wondering what was going to happen when she got old. How could she compare to the endless onslaught of young women in my head and in the future?
    I wasn’t able to give her an answer. And things began to get worse. And now she is struggling to feel beautiful again. Not for herself. But she wants the validation from men. Even if it’s from someone outside of the relarionship. She wants to feel oggled. Like she’s pretty to SOMEONE. Ideally, it would be me. But my past behavior is nothing but evidence against that.

    I’m a shallow scumbag who did damage to the shred of self-esteem she had. Now there’s nothing left. And I know that the SO’s all agree...they will never feel beautiful again. I’m still lost here. I’m still trying, but I feel defeated and I don’t want to throw in the towel. She has worked so damn hard for this relationship. I need to give her a reason to be with me. And feeling pretty was always something she knew she would need. I failed to give her the most basic need.

    We need help or advice. I don’t know what else can be said, but I can’t just give up and say that’s the end of it.
     
  2. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    Why not?
     
    Kenzi likes this.
  3. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

  4. CowardlyLion

    CowardlyLion Fapstronaut

    Thank you @TryingToHeal and @Kenzi for your responses. I respect you guys a lot and your responses are always invaluable.

    I phrased that incorrectly, because I did attempt to listen and answer her question. It just wasn’t satisfactory enough for her, it wasn’t enough. Which is no fault of hers. I didn’t want to say something that would make it seem like I was calling her the bad guy. Because again, she has been nothing but honest from the beginning.
    When I attempted to answer her this I explained that I loved her and I was looking forward to growing old with her. I talked about how we are bonded and no one else could ever come between the bond that is being created as we both work on the relationship. Yes, right now it’s broken. But I’ve been slowly filling up a little trust jar she keeps on her shelf, so it’s showing progress that I feel is real.
    I know that getting through this, getting through my problem, growing, putting time and effort and work into the relationship will help us grow. She knows this too.
    But what made her extra upset was that I wasn’t fully awake this morning when I was trying to talk with her. Keep in mind, I have NO EXCUSE for not jumping up out of bed and tackling this head on. She knows I’ve been stressed lately and I’ve been having trouble sleeping the past two weeks. I haven’t slept straight through a single night in that time.

    Anyway, there’s no reason for me dropping the ball after giving her a great couple of days. I just hate feeling powerless in making her feel beautiful when it’s all she wants.
     
    hope4healing likes this.

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