Feelings coming back :,(

Hi,

One year ago I met the most amazing girl. She was the first girl I ever loved, and the first girl I have been open about with my feelings. I had for a very long time blocked my feelings, I don't really know why. But she was able to open me up.

We broke up some time ago now, but we ended it as friend and was hanging out a bit after. But then both moved, and we kept texting a few months after, but then it got quiet between us. We broke up because both had to move to different parts of the country, and non of us wanted a long-distance relationship. I wanted to try I will admit, but I can see it would be extremly hard, if not impossible.

Now it is the time of the year where we really started to get real between us, one year ago. It was during this time of the year I told her I really loved her. It is also her birthday next week, which I guess also gives me some memories.

I have felt so good, for so long time now after the break up - I really struggeled for a long time, but suddenly the feelings have been coming back again. And I can't do anything about it.

I don't know, why I really write this, but I just have to tell someone. Really want to congratulate her the next week, hopefully thats okey to do, even tho it is long time ago. Not by calling her, maybe a simple text on facebook or snapchat. I don't know why I want to do it. Guess it is something connected to what she said the last time we was hanging out in person, she told me that when "we are done with the education, we may hike her again". I guess I overthink rigth now.

Seriously, people with some more dating and relationship experience. How long does it takes until the pain is really gone, or will it ever be? I have been feeling so good for so long now, and suddenly all comes back to me.

Fucking losing my mind all over again I am afraid. Like people keep askng me if there is any interesting girls I have met at the new place I'v moved. I know they just want me to be happy, but actually it just hurts. It reminds me that I am currently very lonely. I have friends, I have a great family. But as I have told I struggel with expressing my feelings.

I also know there is a girl in class who have liked me for a long time, and I find her very interesting. But after the break up I am scared of dating, specially if shes in my class. What if it goes bad, to be in the same class with her, if I or she misses the other one. How fucked up wont it be.

 

Thanks for the reply :,) Guess you are rigth, pain will come and go. Will keep just trying to improve and try to open up for someone new (done well for a long time being open, but today it all fell apart, I felt). Guess it is just a bit extra special this time of the year, since it ment so much to me last year.

Don't want the head down the same path I did last year after the break up, even tho we were friend.. I was still pretty hurt. Hopefully the pain will go a bit more after this "meaning full time" of the year is done.

Guess I will wish her a happy birthday. We ended it in a good way, the pain is just because I miss her. So its okey I guess

 

Thanks for the reply! :,)

Yeah, I feel fucking terrible today. The last two months I have actually been feeling better and better, but suddenly there was too much reminding me of the relationship.

The last sentence was a really good point. Maybe I can start try to date a bit more again, and even if I don't meet the rigth one, maybe I can atleast remove the pain from the past.

And yes, I am really scared of getting hurt again, and I fully understand I can't keep hiding forever. I was just hoping I atleast would not feel the pain from the past before I started dating again. I wanted to remove the pain before I entered dating, I have been thinking that "I am not ready until I am fully over her", but it does not seem to me that I will be yet. But maybe meeting someone new is a good way to go. Hopefully I will meet someone that can make me want to date again, since as I told at first post, I have never been good with showing feelings.

 

Yeah, I never wanted to hate her, because there was not any reason for it except she did not want to try on a long-distance relationship. I fully understand her, I just hated to lose her.

I can tell I also got a bit of panic when I knew I was losing her. But I never really told her how sad I was, just that I really cared for her. As I saw someone else saying, that if I truly love her, all I want for her is the best. If she thinks splitting up was the best way to go, I will support her on that.

But if she was being a shit person to me, I would never think like that. I guess thats a part of the reason why I miss her. She was nice to me, during the break up too. So it all ended in a very nice way which is great in many ways. Just sucks that the timing was not rigth.

 

Not an incel tho?

Can just update tho, feeling a lot better then I did when I wrote this. I guess it was just the timing etc.