feeling suicidal

to summarize my life, i am a highschool drop out with no friends, i was bullied a lot in school because of my gentle nature, i have been addicted to porn since puberty. i am really just not meant for this world i feel like. If anyone is an infp or infj, than you will likely know the best what im talking about. Well back on topic here, i have no future, everything requires college and i have none of that, school just really isnt for me at all, i am going to talk to the army recruiters today but i know how much the army doesnt value people like me, why would i want to join something that is so far from me, and so harsh, than again the whole world is against me it feels like, such a selfish, cruel, vile, self centered place. I just hate all this damn stress and pressure of the world, having to leave my house and parents to likely end up with some meaningless job. I want to travel the world but without money thats not possible, which goes back to the army which i also dont want but what choice do i have?. Why does every damn job im interested in require so much damn school?. I feel like the only thing keeping me from ending it is my faith in God, i know he has a plan for me but i dont know if i can make it to the end. I have ocd, major depression, social anxiety, and i just feel so overwhelmed by all the expectations.
https://www.16personalities.com/infp-strengths-and-weaknesses
http://www.josephchris.com/10-infp-strengths-and-weaknesses
here are some links that sum me up perfectly.

 

I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now, but never lose hope, there is always hope. I'm not suicidal and never were, but I know that feel of not really fitting in, and the pressure of having to find a job when you don't really identify with anything professionally. I would recommend you start looking into what you're interested in and what you're good at. No job can be 100% perfect, but you can always compromise.

 

i want to make the world a better place, i want to make people happy and bring a smile on their face, i know i have gifts and ways to better this world but i dont know what path will take me there. At the same time i want to travel the world so missionary sounds ideal.

 

kindness, empathy, open mindedness, patience, art, writing, i would love so much to be a counselor but that cant happen.
http://www.josephchris.com/10-infp-strengths-and-weaknesses
https://www.16personalities.com/infp-strengths-and-weaknesses
these links sum me up perfectly

 

Awwww you ok Buddy?
I was 25 before I figured out what i wanted to do. Its really hard when people are at you all the time about your future. My advice is to hang in there. Like everything in life.. It'll happen when it happens. Hang in there Buddy!

 

thanks friend

 

Never tell yourself something can't happen.
If you genuinely want to become a counselor and help other people, then you can become one with the correct attitude, mindset and perspective. Never tell yourself you can't do something, you can always do the thing you want, it just matters how "badly" you want it.

 

im not very good at drawing or anything and my art is very obscure so i dont think it would sell

 

He's right.. you have counselor attributes. You always know exactly what to say to me when we're chatting.

 

problem is schooling, i lack the concentration and focus for it, also im terrible at meeting deadlines.

 

What jobs do you want? Why do you want them?

If you want great careers that do not require college then I recommend the trades. There is a lot of work and money to be made in the trades, especially if you live in the U.S. I would recommend commercial over residential when it comes to plumbing or being an electrician since you'll probably find faster job placement.

 

For me i found that i did much better at school at around age 24 25.

 

i feel like it possibly is my age holding me back

 

i want a job that will allow me to help people, i could never do a trade because it doesnt have meaning to me.

 

i dont feel like anyone would listen to me, especially since i have no degree or anything.

 

What about volunteering? Foodbank, Helpline.. kids help phone (they want volunteers but its in Canada), community radio/tv station.. anything that might interest you. You never know where it might lead buddy.

 

i would love to volunteer work but i do need a job that pays so i can support myself.

 

My brother felt the same way until he did it out of financial necessity. Funny thing is he's helped countless people since being a plumber, and not only by fixing their homes but by having the financial freedom to give to charities. There is no shortage of people who are in need of a good tradesman. Now his heart is in it.

I wouldn't write it off as a possibility. God works in mysterious ways.

 

people wont be likely to listen to me if i dont have it tho, people like knowing the advice is coming from a solid source