Feeling suicidal? Before you give up, listen to this.

Yup, I agree with you, IGY. In fact, the formula "suicide is selfish" kind of shows the suicidal person that you are not really considering his feelings. I guess you always need to accept that feeling suicidal is a tightrope walk. The person is serious about it, and you have to be empathic and accept this seriousness, otherwise the suicide candidate will only feel misunderstood. May be in some cases you need to actually get close to death to appreciate life again. My philosophy is that death is a part of life, you might die tomorrow because you get overrun by a car, and you need to make peace with this before you even can appreciate life fully. You need to lose your fear of death. If you don't do it now, your last hours will be your darkest.

Your time on this planet is borrowed. Your body is made of dust and eventually it will become dust again. I am not sure whether or not there is an actual, literal afterlife; I believe that eternity and the present are widely identical, which is more important to me. (If there is an afterlife, it already has to be there right now, in some way that I might understand when I grow wiser.) Change is the only constant.

 

Maybe somebody will find this little clip useful:

 

I liked your response @Headspace.

Speaking from 14 years of depression, "suicide is selfish" is an interesting statement because, while in some ways true, it is incredibly damaging.

Suicide is selfish in the sense that one who commits or comtemplates suicide is not thinking about other people. It is an action completely focussed on the self, thus selfish. But the person is not thinking clearly. When I have contemplated it, I have been lost in...myself really. All my own problems and sh*t going down. I was not actually capable of seeing things objectively, or even from another's position, without help. Is it selfish, then, for a person whose mind is clouded to take their own life?

Well...kinda...yes...sometimes...but - and much more important - saying suicide is selfish does. not. help. Go up to a bleeding person and tell them their cries for medical attention are selfish. I mean, they are - right? Go try it, I can wait here. How well did that go for you? For the other person?

What is the purpose of saying suicide is selfish? If your goal is to comfort the person, there are better ways to do it. And if you are going to say it to directly contradict what someone has just told you: dont. Just don't. If I am in a bad place, and I tell you something really vulnerable that takes me a great deal of effort to say, like how I thought about killing myself, and your response is "suicide is selfish," ...you just called me selfish. The crazy part is it actually does not matter if it is true and I am being selfish, the effect it will have is me not feeling like you are listening, me feeling more isolated and alone, me feeling more guilty for being selfish, and me being more likely to attempt suicide! So why are you saying suicide is selfish?

A much, much better response to a person in crisis is to LISTEN. Listening involves not commenting with personal opinions or anecdotes, but asking good questions and really working to comprehend what the person is going through. I tend to like questions that start with the word "what" because they are open-ended, have no wrong answers, and allow for neutral or positive responses. "What is going on? What makes you say that? What do you mean by that?" - all great questions that lead to great conversations! Next time you see someone having a rough day, instead of asking "are you ok," try "what is going on" - it will make a big difference.

...and all this because I just wanted to add a video. Try listening to this and not smiling at its ridiculousness, I dare you:

 

My post was never directed at you. I am sorry if I came off as attacking your ideas, that was not my goal. I would be willing to bet you have already experienced the hurtful and ineffective things people say when they try to comfort you, because there is a massive number of people who really do not know how to deal with a person in crisis or know how to talk about depression. I really, really want to catch them up to speed - and that's me being selfish because I know how much it absolutely sucks when someone wants to help but is doing so in a way that hurts.

So many people with depression are not capable of asking for help. Can a person truly choose if their thinking is impaired?

That is what I am trying to say: why is it that for someone physically hurting their request is not considered to be selfish, but for a depressed person it is? It's like telling a starving kid in Darfur to quit being selfish about being hungry - it makes no sense. A person who is suicidal has a need, in the same way as the victim of a car crash has a need and that kid in Darfur has a need. While it is technically accurate that a person in need is only considering their own interests, what purpose does it serve to point that out, other than to alienate them and worsen the situation? That is my point.

I did: listen.

No, obviously not! Expressing empathy for a person does not mean you are endorsing the behaviour, it means you are endorsing the person. Value the person. And be cautious when dealing with people in crisis (and I mean everyone, not just you, HC), because directly contradicting a person with suicidal thoughts is counterproductive in that it drives disconnection, which makes the situation worse. Better, then, to fuel connection by staying out of judgement, recognising the emotions in others and communicating that.

 

That guy got some cool skills. Wish I could do some of them on bicycle. And the song is also very cheerful. Lovely

 

I think distress lines are great! I have used them myself on a few occasions. In Canada the people on the other end have training in mental health first aid, so they are really good ask asking the right kinds of questions, prompting good responses, and can be very good at helping you figure out what the hell to do next! I would imagine anything through the NHS or other aid organisation in the UK or Europe would be similar.

In a lot of cases a good first place to go is you primary care physician, usually because most people have one. if not, increasing numbers of police and most emergency rooms have people trained up on crisis management and mental health. Pastors, priests, imams, and other spiritual leaders often are able to help, even if only to point one in the right direction of help, and I literally cannot understate the value of a good social worker and/or counsellor (therapists in the US).

Really, though, the best help is the kind you are willing to get. I have pretty much run the gamut from hotlines to social workers to psychiatrists and I think I'd recommend pretty much all of them. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help, and it is so very, very worth it.

 

Crisis Text Line also is another great way to reach out if your feel like you need someone to talk to.

Text HOME to 741-741 and follow instructions. Crisis Text Line only operates in US and possibly Canada but has an agreement with mobile providers to not apply charge fees on your accounts for usingnthe Crisis Text Line Service.

 

I think this thread needs some logic

 

Love this song. For me, it inspires me to look forward and fuels motivation.