Feeling great when I ignore what others think of me

Hello guys, hope you are doing good. Currently Day 53 going 54.

So far it has been a good start to the week. Hoping to complete NoFap March in just a few days time. Moving on from my failure of talking to a girl I like in my psychology class last thursday. Taking it as a lesson learnt and experience nonetheless.

I watched a video by Elliot Hulse just 2 days back. Here's the link if you are interested.


I am not sure if I got the main idea correct. But my main takeaway is to ignore what other people think of you and don't expect anything from other people, be it your loved ones, friends or those who spend time with you on a daily basis. When that happens, you won't feel disappointed because you didn't expect anything from them in the first place. Of course, this is easier said than done because humans are social creatures and we thrive on interaction and acknowledgement from other fellow beings. I am not saying that you should purposely ignore everyone's presence. On the other hand, I am saying that you should learn to not get too high or too low emotionally from what other people say or think about you. Let me clarify myself. Everyone likes good comments or remarks. It makes us feel good, recognized, appreciated or loved by others. In psychology terms, this is known as self-enhancement. For instance, if somebody comments you saying, "Hey! You are awesome for doing XXX!" or "Hey! Why are you so bad at doing XXX!", don't take it too seriously, just stay collected and say, "Ok, thanks, I will keep that in mind." There may be different intepretations of this and I am not trying to advocate anything or force anyone to adopt this line of thinking. This is for sharing purposes and you can always give your constructive feedback or what you think of this. I personally find this useful when used appropriately. So hopefully, it can also help you out in certain situations. Take some time to understand this idea.

To add on, I am starting to build on my confidence level in terms of public speaking and talking to people. I don't really feel anxious anymore, just that I probably need to improve on being very clear in my thought process before saying anything or asking questions. My goal is to become a better speaker because it is essential for my job next time and I think it is an important life skill or competency in today's context. Whenever I am talking to friends, family or doing a presentation, I take it as an opportunity to practice my public speaking skills, posture, thinking strategically and making sure I am connected to people. Communication is a mutual thing that goes both ways. You have to learn how to connect with people. You cannot expect to talk to someone and not expect a response from them. That is one of the importance things I have learnt about communication. Will definitely continue to build in this aspect.

I used to think that no way PMO has taken away my confidence or caused my anxiety. But I am gradually realizing that it actually does. In the past, when speaking to anyone, I always avoided eye contact for whatever reason and I felt pressured or cold whenever I needed to speak up. It was bothering me a lot and I felt that I had to do something about it. Getting rid of this addiction seem straightforward to me just 50+ days back as I was reflecting before I joined this forum. Before trying to rid myself of this addiction, I think the critical thing is to first identify that you have a PMO addiction. I realized this when I couldn't stopped watching pornography. I had to watch it once a day for about an hour and jerk off once. It became a routine and a habit, just like brushing my teeth or eating breakfast.

Of course, the process of getting rid of this addiction is still ongoing for myself and I hope to inspire or encourage everyone in this community to continue fighting and moving forward. There are still many things I need to improve on in my life. Regardless of how many times you have relapsed, it doesn't matter. The important thing is that you continue fighting against it until you break yourself of this addiction. Just like what Terry Crews mentioned in his book "Manhood", I don't think women realized that they are "powerful". Temptations are always going to be around us, like it or not. Movies, advertisement, videos are easily accessible everywhere and anytime. The only way to counter against this is to build a strong mindset and this takes time, practice, mindfulness and willpower.

Stay strong.

Cheers.