Feel like girls are nice to me out of pity

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Budmeiser, Jan 21, 2015.

  1. Budmeiser

    Budmeiser Fapstronaut

    I need some dating advice.
    I'm currently at university and currently working on quitting PMO, but am always a little depressed because it's been so long since I've had a girlfriend. When I can stop PMO for a time, I begin to be better at talking to girls, and do. However I can never seem to find a partner. Some girls are nice, but I ask them to lunch or something along those lines, and they nicely turn me down (fortunately they're usually not mean, I tend to stay away from those people). I feel like there is something that causes girls to pity me, so they're nice, I get led on (in my mind) and then I am always rejected.

    I'm frustrated because part of me likes that girls talk to me, but part of me wishes they wouldn't if they didn't truly like me. Which is another issue, because I don't know how to find out if they really do like me.

    Also, I'm not overly attractive, but I dress nice in well fitting clothes and am not terrible looking, just average, from what I can decipher from past interactions with people.

    Any advice would be welcome.

  2. CasualMe95

    CasualMe95 Guest

    My advice.
    Focus on yourself. Dont focus on getting a date. Focus on being yourself and get a good conversation. If a girl likes you, she will show you.
    The more focused you are on yourself the more attractive you'll become to girls because chances are, you are trying to get a date. which probably means you're coming off too strong. That'll reject girls rather than attracting them.

    I've been single 4 years. I've had chances, but I denied them because I had made a decision.
    The more focused you are on yourself the more interested girls will be. Also. When you get to the point where you're not focused on dating but just having a good time someone might actually come up to you and ask you out. Because you're comfortable.

    They probably talk to you because they find you interesting but when they discover that you only want to date them they move on. This is what girls do. Its frustrating, but true.
  3. Budmeiser

    Budmeiser Fapstronaut

    Thank you for such a quick reply. I recently asked a girl I like to lunch and she said she usually goes with her friends. Is there anyway I can tell her I don't want to date her, but just want to be friends?
  4. CasualMe95

    CasualMe95 Guest

    I would let my actions speak for me. Not me speaking for my actions.
  5. Budmeiser

    Budmeiser Fapstronaut

    Wow I have a lot to learn. Thank you.
  6. CasualMe95

    CasualMe95 Guest

    One question though.
    How soon into the conversation do you ask the for lunch?
  7. Budmeiser

    Budmeiser Fapstronaut

    Is too soon good enough. We've talked in class barely and I was talking to her on facebook for the first time... Oops... I'll remember this though.
  8. Stretch

    Stretch Fapstronaut

    Dude... Don't be so down on yourself!

    I guarantee you that almost everyone at your uni will have hang ups and will not be walking around thinking that they are Brad Pitt lookalikes. If you are not happy and confident in yourself then girls will definitely pick up on that and will not want to hang around you.

    Would you want to hang around with a girl if she was constantly telling you that she hated the way she looked?

    Take some time out from trying to force lunch to happen with someone and you will find that dating and all that stuff will happen when you are not even trying to find it. In the meantime, work on whatever you do not like about yourself.

    If its your hair then go find a hairdresser who can give you some advice on a cut that suits... If you feel like you are fat, then try and get some exercise. As soon as you start to feel happier in yourself, good things will happen.

    Most important thing... Be true to yourself. Don't try and be someone you are not just to impress a girl, it doesn't work.

    Good luck :D
  9. Budmeiser

    Budmeiser Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the advice. I have definitely been looking to hard and have been too desperate. I need to focus on clearing up my acne and increasing the muscle I have. Focus on myself most importantly. A girlfriend will come when it is meant to happen and when I am ready. Right now I have things I need to do to get to that point.

    Thanks again.
  10. I agree with the other dude you gotta focus on yourself first.

    I have had tough fights with my sobriety and when I do get better I have bouts of depression and I notice people around me tend to be nicer. When that happens I usually look in the mirror and I give my self a motivational speech(sometimes shouting at the mirror, not too loud though lol) and repeat positive mantras in my head non stop throughout the day and it helps me out a lot to avoid getting that pity treatment, specially when I did manage to be sober a long time.

    It's hard but you gotta love yourself first if you want any chick to love you for who you are. Find things that you love(like hobbies, or talents, or personal traits) and exploit them in self appreciation. Hopefully this helps.
  11. ght5

    ght5 Fapstronaut

    If you need dating advice you should check out Doc Love. He gives amazing advice for finding good women who you would want a long term relationship with. He also shows you how to weed out the bad ones. He has a weekly radio show. Just google his name.
  12. Cojax

    Cojax Fapstronaut

    My advice would be to read "NoMoreMrNiceGuy". It sounds to me that women treat you nice, because you are a typical nice guy. The book brings up alot of things a guy can do to avoid being seen as just a "nice guy" and therefore "friend material"
  13. M123

    M123 Fapstronaut

    you need will power get work out clear you self and yes no pmo when you no pmo you will have more willpower
  14. rubifenrx

    rubifenrx Guest

    My advice:

    1.- Do not give a rats ass about girls.
    2.- Focus on YOURSELF.
    3.- Dont be "nice". Be polite and well mannered, never condescending!
    4.- Go to the gym, pack some muscles.
    5.- Again, dont pay attention to girls! At that age, they are generally full of sheet anyway.

    I cannot stress it enough: focus on your goals. Have goals.
    Nofap and no PMO will DEFINITELY gear you towards self confidence.
    Strive to be the best you can be. Suddenly,while in that journey, you will meet someone special.

    Peace bro.
  15. rubifenrx

    rubifenrx Guest

    So true. It has been this way since the dawn of time.
  16. Progressive Death Mettle

    Progressive Death Mettle Fapstronaut

    The second you stop looking for that perfect woman, you get closer to finding her. One of my classmates who found his perfect woman years ago and is actually engaged gave me that advice. Prior to that meeting I was in the same ship as most of the people on this forum. Nerdy, insecure, and desperate to find some trick or method behind pick-up. There's a YouTube channel called Simple Pickup that really revolutionized my thoughts. Those guys are SUPER aggressive and have a real don't-give-a-shit mantra. However, their stuff is sort of a general guideline rather than something to be taken literally. If you have fifteen minutes I'd check them out.

    The reason girls don't like you or notice you is because you don't have anything to offer them. Look at yourself and objectively ask what exactly makes you special? Do you have a nice car? Do you have your own apartment? Are you an ultra-socialite that gives off the impression of a person with a healthy, happy sex life? Or are you needy? Are you a person that treats EVERY PURDY girl you see as some sort of special object? This post isn't intended to improve your chances of getting laid. If you're approaching women from that perspective then that's the wrong reason to get a girl. That's a little boy's reason for getting a girl. And if that's your only goal hire a prostitute.

    If you want a WOMAN then you're going to have to earn it. You're going to have to increase your stock by getting a degree, getting a kick-ass job, getting in shape, moving out of mommy and daddy's house, and making THEM want YOU.

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