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Fear of Girls

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by ///Matthew W-Spec, Sep 25, 2017.

  1. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    maybe your friends condition are not worse than yours bro. Just think about that...there's a lot of time to improve :)
     
  2. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    There's something about being content and chilled around people that's attractive. Like when you don't try, you get better results usually...

    Guys have to be careful being friends and easily getting friend-zoned though.

    I think it's half being relaxed and open minded, but also about not doing extra favours or trying to be too friendly, lest you end up being just friends material.
     
  3. The "friend zone" is bullshit. Every single guy I've ever dated was a great friend of mine first. If someone says they don't like you because you're "too good of a friend," they probably just aren't attracted to you and never would be. Being friends with a girl is never going to make you magically unqualified to be her boyfriend unless she already isn't attracted to you anyway.
     
    Hitto, FormerFapaholic and MLMVSS like this.
  4. That has nothing to do with being "just friend material," it has to do with not being needy and clingy. Again, that's a separate reason why a girl wouldn't want to date you. It has nothing to do with the fact that you're friends.
     
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  5. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    @CassTeaElle

    The friend zone is real, come on lol.

    I'm simply saying the reason we sometimes get there is by being too nice. We're not being a true friend then, and we're being taken advantage of in many cases. So when that happens, guys, time to move on.

    Now if one acts themselves around a girl and isn't a pushover, there's a better chance of attraction (wanted or not).

    It shouldn't come as a surprise that many guys (myself included up until recent years), has trouble getting to know a girl as a friend, and remaining true to themselves. This could easily be summed up as 'nice guy' vs 'good guy'.
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  6. I suppose there are some girls out there who will pretend to be into you just to get stuff out of you, so if that's what you mean by "friendzone" then sure, it exists, but is rare. But if you're implying that you shouldn't be too close of friends with a girl because then she will not be able to be attracted to you because she just sees you as a friend, that's just not how it works at all. I'm telling you right now, if a girl ever says that she doesn't want to date you because you're too goof of a friend or you're like a brother to her, that means she's not attracted to you. If she was attracted to you, it wouldn't matter that you're close friends. On the contrary, if she was attracted to you, your close friendship would be a good thing, not a bad thing. People don't not date people because they're friends with them. That just isn't true, and I don't know why so many people are buying into this ridiculous lie.

    But whatever, this thread isn't about the "friendzone," and I'm kind of tired of having thus conversation anyway, because people always get pissy and tell me I'm wrong and continue to believe their lies anyway. So probably best to drop it.
     
  7. Again, that has absolutely nothing to do with a "friendzone." That has to do with being confident and not being a pushover. I agree, if you're a pushover or super needy and clingy and worship the girl, she probably won't like you. But that's not what being a friend is. So I don't see how that connects to the idea of a "friendzone." They're two completely unrelated things.
     
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  8. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    That's true I get that vibe from women who are taken sometimes and are just friends and when you mention it now most if not all my sexual encounters are with women who considered me a "friend" I'm realizing that back in college I had many of those "friends" and my guy friends would be like "Garth how do you know all these girls and you aren't hooking up with them" but I was just too shy or insecure and pmoing at the time but I'm also realizing that casual sex with women I don't know all that well is something I don't want to do at this point I'm just getting back to the simplicity of having more female companionship in my life and just being more social and friendly with others in general
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2017
  9. FormerFapaholic

    FormerFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    Look at how receptive some women are when you talk to them. The less receptive they are, they’re not willing to engage in conversation and they’re more likely not to be interested in you.

    The more receptive they are, they’re more likely to talk to you and maybe ask about you. Also, eye contact, facial expressions and body language is also a clue on how interested they could be in you.

    Over time, I’ve been learning not to chase women, talk as much and talk about myself unless they ask about me. Reeks of desperation and a big TURN OFF. I’ve got into the habit of doing this. It maybe a placebo effect, but I’ve seen and felt more attraction from women I speak to by taking this approach.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2017
    Deleted Account, vibemaker and Hitto like this.
  10. That brings up another good point, which is, what is your intention. If you just want to hookup with girls, then yeah, you probably aren't going to want to be friends with them first. But if your goal is to have a meaningful relationship, I think friendship first is the best, possibly only, way to accomplish that.
     
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  11. FormerFapaholic

    FormerFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    There's nothing wrong with being nice. But being TOO nice and going out of your way for them makes you look needy. Like that you're eager to please them and it reeks of desperation. But I think being assertive and holding back (at the start) is more important. As it's a sign you have some self-respect, but also treat others with some respect too.

    Regardless of gender, if someone is being overly nice to me. I'm always dubious thinking that this person may have some ulterior motive(s), and I question over what intentions does he/she have. Where I'm far less inclined in wanting to trust him/her, therefore not wanting to know the individual.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2017
    Reborn16, Deleted Account and Hitto like this.
  12. That's true in my experiences - girls tend to be "nice" about rejection where I'm usually more direct. It's up for debate about which is better - I like directness personally because it leaves less room for confusion. But that's just the way things are.
     
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  13. I like directness as well. I've always been direct, albeit also as polite as possible, when having those difficult conversations. I know from experience of being dumped out of the blue, for seemingly no reason, that it's torture to always wonder why. I would rather have honesty and directness, even if it hurts more in the moment. It might hurt more initially, but you will most likely heal faster than if you are confused and havent been told the whole truth. Also, if there's anything they can learn from and do better in the future, the only way they can learn is if you are honest.
     
    FormerFapaholic likes this.
  14. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Okay @CassTeaElle , I agree with some of what you said, not all.

    But apparently one of us has a crystal ball :rolleyes:

    I'll drop this thread, before I get 'pissy' and believe my own life experiences/'lies' lol
     

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