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FEAR & FAILURE

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by TemporaryUsername3892, Jun 16, 2015.

  1. TemporaryUsername3892

    TemporaryUsername3892 Fapstronaut

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    Fear-of-Failure.jpg



    One of the reasons so many fapstronuts start to feel ambivalent about their decision to quit porn, and lose motivation to continue the healing journey, is fear. Fear is a common emotion that arises when someone tries to quit porn. The idea of making any kind of major life change and facing the unknown is often initially frightening, even when we are fairly certain the change will improve our lives. In the early stages of PMO recovery, many people feel afraid to give up porn because it has provided them instant pleasure and emotional consolation. Quitting means making significant lifestyle changes, such as saying good-bye to well-established sexual habits, finding new ways to cope with emotional stresses, and learning how to relate to others more openly and honestly. Needless to say, porn addictes with the strongest emotional and sexual attachments to porn often have the most fear when faced with quitting.

    Many human fears lie below our consciousness and are masked by other emotions. For example, many fapstronuts feel anxious and depressed when they begin the process of quitting porn.we don’t realize that fear is actually driving those feelings.When fears are not identified and resolved, they can sabotage your recovery efforts by continually undermining your motivation to quit porn. Like a nail you are unaware of in one of your car’s tires, an unidentified and unaddressed fear can slow your healing journey down without your even realizing what is happening. And the more unconscious fears you have, the more challenging and difficult it will be to stay on track with effectively dealing with your PMO issues. Identifying and being able to admit our particular fears about quitting porn is an important first step in ultimately resolving those fears.

    You may find this list useful in helping you identify your own fears. Common Fears of Being without Porn
    Screenshot_2015-06-17-06-46-57-1-1.png

    fears of quitting porn fall into the categories of emotional well-being, sexual enjoyment, and relating to others. These fears make sense given that porn use can play an important role in temporarily fulfilling needs in any one of these three areas. Go back over the list and identified specific fear you have . Understanding the type of fears you have can help you become aware of what particular issues you’ll need to focus most on in your recovery; by doing so, we can ensure we meet that need in some other way than by using porn. For example, if you identified that you are afraid of feeling lonely if you stop using porn, then you have a legitimate need to not feel lonely.You can tame this fear by planning things to do so you won’t feel alone without porn.

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  2. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

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  3. DannyCool

    DannyCool Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the work on that one. That is the key to success. :)

    My one is: "I am afraid of my anger." My habit of being angry and getting angry has stopped me giving up masturbation for years because I have always been reliant on the outside world. When my anger is reduced I have a chance of going on a streak. If I am not afraid of my anger then I don't have to get angry and can be content.
     
    TemporaryUsername3892 likes this.
  4. pickycat

    pickycat Guest

    Really good article, I gleaned a lot from it.

    My fears put simply
    "Coping with life is my biggest fear.
    having to feel hurt with no solid promise that it will only last a short time, is difficult.

    I'm scared of knowing I will have to wait to get married to have sex.

    I'm scared, maybe I will act out. like my inner perversion is being subdued and held at bay by this avenue (porn) and that without it, I'll be letting the monster out of his cage.

    I'm deathly afraid of what the girls I know would think of me. knowing that I am attracted to their bodies objectively. that I fight myself from looking at them. that I look at them...

    I'm embarrassed of myself for having this physical side of me, actually ruling me, like I've somehow given up my individuality and freedom by lusting, and craving frantically the female form.

    I just want it to go away, as sheepish and ignorant as that sounds. It just deflates me to look back at how long I've been at this, and still no real big change."
     
    TemporaryUsername3892 likes this.
  5. Good post good looking loser. Identifying those fears and facing them is a part of the recovery process from PMO addiction.

    My main fears are that I'll get sexually frustrated, without the ladies on my computer screen I'll have no outlet for my sexual desires. I'll get more irritable in the process.

    I'm afraid of interacting with the ladies. All my life I've spent mindlessly looking for porn to satisfy my cravings for a relationship. Who needs a gf when you've got tons of girls on the net doing all these crazy positions to get you off? Now that I've sworn off porn, will I find a person who will want to pursue that kind of relationship with, a deep meaningful connection beyond the physical and the sexual?

    What I'm most afraid of though, is facing the real world. Living in the haze of PMO I've been able to live blissfully within my self made wonderland of scantily clad women and self pleasure. Now that I have decided to leave that false sanctuary, what will I do now with my life? What will I make of myself now, what of my life, what will I do with myself.... When I was asked with what I wanted to do in life, the goals I wanted to accomplish, I never gave a straight answer. I thought myself adrift on a small boat on the sea of life, being pulled away by the currents, having no direction whatsoever. I have to face that uncertainty now that my only way to deal with it (porn and jacking off) is gone.

    But I have to address these fears. In order to live a PMO free life. If I don't, I might fall again into my former desires. And so I must. I made my decision, and I'll stick with it to the end and won't look back.

    Thanks a bunch for the post OP!
     
    TemporaryUsername3892 likes this.
  6. DannyCool

    DannyCool Fapstronaut

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    Being free of the bondage of sexual craving. This is can be done and opens up the door to happiness. :)
     
    TemporaryUsername3892 likes this.
  7. 21decisionforlife

    21decisionforlife Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the great post man it reminded of a long know problem I have:

    -I'm afraid of my strength as I could hurt people emotionally or physically (in Sports only)
    -I'm afraid of losing myself not knowing who I am
    -I'm afraid of what I can achieve

    Knowing this makes it better than I thought before and reminds me of why I'm doing this. I want to be a super human!! :) Keep going we can DO THIS!
     
    TemporaryUsername3892 likes this.
  8. TemporaryUsername3892

    TemporaryUsername3892 Fapstronaut

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    @pickycat @DestinyFucker

    It's actually our thinking problem ..we have 2 options here


    one option

    When you quit porn, you're not just saying good bye to artificial stimulation.

    You're leaving behind the world of "never ending flow of hot chicks with big tits and round asses".

    Real life is nothing like that.

    We've been spoiled by porn. We believe that we should be out there having lots of sex with different women. We believe that this is the key to happiness and fulfillment.

    The problem is that it is incredibly difficult and unrealistic to "fuck hot chicks on a regular basis".

    There's nothing particularly wrong with having that goal, but you have to be willing to take some MASSIVE action. You have to go through hundreds of rejections. You need to have a lot of balls. You must do what 99.9% of men are incredibly afraid to do.

    How many people here are doing what it takes to have the kind of sexual life we all dream about?

    Very few, if any.



    The rest of us are living in a dream world. Includeing me

    We see these super hot chicks on tight dresses and we hope that maybe someday we might be able to have sex with them. We read books about seduction. We visit PUA forums. We watch videos on YouTube of guys approaching girls. We make theories and discuss them online.

    But we aren't doing shit about it.

    It's all just a dream. An idea we have in our minds. Something we hope someday we will do.

    Here's how most people get laid in real life:

    A guy meets a girl he finds attractive, so he asks her out. They get to know each other. Then they continue to go out and form some sort of relationship. Then after some months the relationship either becomes serious or falls apart.

    That's the real world.

    You have to accept that, unless you're willing to take massive action, you won't fuck anywhere near as many women as you expect to.

    Accepting this is very difficult, but it is necessary.

    We need to learn how to live without this world of endless hot chicks, otherwise we'll become extremely disappointed and dissatisfied with real life, which is nothing like porn.

    Anyone here is more than capable of getting a girlfriend. But our girlfriends most likely won't look like pornstars, nor they will act like them.

    There's a very high probability the sex won't be pornographic in nature. There's going to be a lot of sensuality, caressing, and also clumsiness. Some days your girl will look sexy, other days not so much. Some days she'll be in the mood, other days she won't. Some days you'll struggle to keep it hard, other days you'll cum too fast. She might be able to achieve orgasms, or she might not. You might do it every other day, or maybe only 3-4 times per month.

    Remember, pornstars are paid thousands of dollars to do what they're told and fulfill all your fantasies.

    You must stop living in dream land.

    I know this is very difficult to accept, but we have to give meaning to our lives outside fucking hot chicks.

    Our happiness cannot depend on that. Otherwise you'll keep coming back to porn every time you fail to get laid in real life. You will remain attached to "sex with hot chicks" for the rest of your life.



    But you should definitely change the way you view sex and women, because I can assure you it has been completely distorted by porn.

    Just FUcKING move your aSS and find someone you can have real intimac

    By fapping on pixels u r wasting ur time & energy

    Fappo.png



    You guy's must understand this


    Fappoo.jpg

    SECOND OPTION


    Thinking about SEX is useless


    What's the point of fantasizing?

    It accomplishes nothing.

    It slows down the reboot, increases the urge to masturbate, and reinforces neurological pathways related to porn.

    It's a meaningless activity that should be eliminated.

    It keeps your mind focused on sex, tits, asses, fucking, when it should be shifted towards other activities in life.

    If you find yourself thinking about sex, you should mindfully and calmly redirect your attention to something else.

    You want sex?

    Great.

    Then do something to actually make it happen.

    Fantasizing by itself serves no purpose at all.

    You need to understand that if you want to abstain from orgasm and masturbation, you cannot be thinking about sex and women, because this will inevitably cause you to relapse. Trying to abstain while at the same time fantasizing or peeking at pictures of chicks will only lead to frustration.

    Stay away from any kind of artificial stimulation. Don't take peeks. Don't browse pictures of girls online. Don't type pornstar names on Google image search. Don't read escort forums.

    Do not arouse yourself.

    Basically you have to adopt a philosophy of "I'm either trying to get laid (approaching, texting girls, going out on dates, flirting with women, hanging out with friends, getting rejected) or doing something completely unrelated to sex (work, studying, exercise, fun, reading, playing an instrument, chores, housework, watching movies)".

    There is no grey area where you are alone thinking about sex or checking out girls online. This accomplishes nothing. It serves no real purpose. It will only increase urges, lead to relapse, and make you frustrated.

    As soon as erotic thoughts pop up in your mind, you should calmly ignore them and refocus your attention to something else. You keep practicing this forever until you master it.

    You have to attack this addiction right from the root. Trying to abstain from hardcore porn accomplishes nothing if you're still constantly fantasizing and peeking.

    If you keep strengthening the mindset I talked about above, you will be making meaningful progress.

    This used to be called "Monk Mode", but I don't like that name because it implies that you're going to become celibate.

    This isn't about becoming celibate. This is about doing what it takes if you want to get laid, instead of wasting mental energy on sexual thoughts that will only improve the chances of relapsing.

    If you ever want to achieve a long streak, you can't be checking out girls online, even if it's just some bikini pictures. You can't be fantasizing when you wake up in the morning. You can't be taking 5 second peeks at porn.

    As soon as you do any of those things, this huge beast called porn addiction will take control over your prefrontal cortex and it's just a matter of time before you relapse.

    You have to be extreme.

    But don't worry, it's much easier than it sounds.

    It's actually harder to stop yourself from relapsing once you're already thinking about sex, than it is to not think about sex in the first place.

    How do you not think about sex?

    Simple.

    Focus your mind 100% on your life vision.


    SEX is not everything you can do so many interesting things to do in life

    688508ac6630b9fda6d311c4e4019cfd.jpg

    Note : The whole post is not written by me ..copied and edited
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2015
  9. BackcountryCamping

    BackcountryCamping Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for this encouraging post.
     
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  10. 21decisionforlife

    21decisionforlife Fapstronaut

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    Where did you get the post from mate? Oh gosh I like thie pics :D
     
  11. Thanks for the encouraging post! I think I've seen that post before somewhere while looking for more encouragement in my quest to overcome porn and masturbation. I still get those fears I've stated, but I ain't afraid to face them when they're right in front of me.

    The pics though I haven't seen before. They were inspiring. The last one is pretty epic.
     
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