Fapstronaut from Hungary

Hi, I'm Krisztian (28) from Hungary. I decided to join to the Fapstronauts community because for me it's a struggle to stop masturbating. I'm porn and fap addicted. I have my girlfriend since 4 years ( next year we get married ) and I'm still masturbating, but I want to stop. I told my girlfriend that I do it frequency and it really made her sad. She was okay with the situation but I promised I won't do it anymore. I love her. I feel masturbation is draining my energy. Sometimes I can make 4 days without M but after that I just... I want to become more strong, confident at work, and I want to reach all the benefits I read from other Fapstronauts. My first goal is to make a 90 day PM. Wish me luck! (sorry for bad english)

 

So here's some experiences so far:

- I'm more self confident
- I wake up easier and faster
- I have more energy.
- I do my work faster and more precisely
- From the second day I felt something around my tummy. It's like the testosterone from my testicles really slowly spreads in my body. I don't know how to describe that feeling. it's like mercury flows in my veins instead of blood. Anyone else has the same experience?
- Breathing is different. With every breath I could add more oxygen to my body.

What is my strategy?

- If I have the urge to M ing I just simply ignore the feeling. (This feeling mostly comes in the morning with my morning wood, and it become a habit to masturbate after my fiance leaves the house and going to work)
- In the past 5 days I deleted all of my accounts to P sites and forums. I also deleted these contents from my hard disk drives.
- I set the wifi router at home and also at my workplace DNA settings to avoid mature content. ( Yes I was browsing P at work...)

Actually, It's not my first time trying to quit P and M. Before I was knowing Nofap when I was 20, I also tried to quit this addiction. And actually that was my best time in my life so far. I prepared to university, I had girlfriend, I had social life and I was full of with energy. Then, when I get into university the new environment the more pressure causes stress in me. I felt the only way to relieve that is M ing. So I did that and I fall back to the ground.

Okay some other thing I want to share. Since the last 3 month I'm wearing my foreskin retracted because of health reasons. The strange thing is that It feels like much less urge to M.
Interesting...

 

So, yeah, It's been almost 3-years since my last update. During that time I get married, and I have to say it was one of my best day ever. We had a beautiful honeymoon and it was just fantastic as well. Since than life is going on well. Except one thing. I couldn't stop M and watching P. I mean I don't do that as much as I used to. I went to 30 day without PMO and I felt all of the great improvements, but on day 30 I had a spontaneus ejaculation at the office and I felt horrible again. Basically after every ejaculation I feel that I relapse including sex. I had a few more try to stop my bad habit but with lack of success.
The worst thing is I did't tell it to my wife. So the reason I came back beacause I wanted to share that I take over one of my biggest fear.
I told to my wife what I was doing under her back. I tried to discuss it earlier but we couldnt talk about it in the right way. So I tried again. Im not a man of words so I write down all of my feelings about M and P and O basically about our whole sex life. I told her I love her and I dont want to hurt her feelings.
Her answer was something I was not expected...
She said she is okay with that... Shes okay that I masturbate and she read about it a she knows this is something that man often do. We were talk about it a lot and it take a huge weight of my shoulder. I have to say this honest conversation with her was one of the best thing happend so far. It makes our intimacy better and our sex life to. But the thing is that I want to stop masturbating and porn and ejaculation as well. But I know that she has her "needs" and I have to take care about her.
Knowing that my wife is okay with M-ing doesn't make my goal easier. When I tell her that I want to stop she just looks at me weird and ask me why. And I say all of the improvements of Nofap but ist like she dont take it as serious as me.
Now I want to start a 30 day abstinence and she was okay with that but I dont know how to deal with her when she wants me. Anyway I just wanted to write it down my feelings.
I may wont get any response, but I would like to write more about me feelings and life just like in a diary.

 

Well well well. Again... in the deep. Its not as easy as I tought. I find myself watching P again and I start to feel that its getting over me. In these days I feel myself stressfull and i realised I want to replace the bad feelings with the joyment from P. But I should realise this is not the right choice. I should start to find solutions to all of my problems and figure them out so they wont hurt me. P is not the answer I sould realise! And it've never been. Its so easy to turn my attention from something meaningfull to P and it makes me feel weak. It ruins my relationship, my marrige, my toughts, my job literaly everything. I will do my best and focus on life!