Fapping and porn and alcohol abuse

It sounds like you have an addictive personality. There is much speculation over the true existence of an "addictive personality", but as someone who suffers myself, I believe it is very much real.

As soon as I come across something that makes me feel good, I just want to do it more and more. Sometimes this is a good thing, for example I ride my bike hard every day, because the endorphins from the exercise make me feel awesome. However, in the case of alcohol and porn, it makes for a dangerous cocktail...

I've also struggled with alcoholism and porn dependancy (this was combined for a while).

What you need to be doing is replacing the high you get from porn and drinking, with a healthier, more natural high. Do you work out? If not, this could be a place to start. Work out until you can't feel your arms anymore. Until your legs feel like jelly. The high from a hardcore workout shares extreme similarities with the high you get from porn watching. It's all endorphins man, you just need to be releasing them in different ways.

I managed to kick my drinking habit (going out to clubs/bars and getting wasted; before banging bar skanks, or going home and beating off to porn for hours. I was drinking at work, with every single meal). I was pretty young too. I finally managed to kick my habit, but it wasn't a case of "hitting rock bottom", it was because I now had a reason not to. I was offered an amazing, but very demanding job, and knew if I was to succeed and help the company flourish, I needed to kick the habit. I am of the strong belief that you can't remove a bad habit from your life if you have no reason not to. Your brain will forever find excuses and rationalisations for you to carry on doing what you're doing, unless you have a real world reason to quit.

So guess what, after I quit drinking, I felt amazing; more energy, more focus, more drive. I also look so much better! My skin is clear, I don't look pale and tired all the time. I look healthy and alive. I also (not coincidentally I'm sure) met an amazing girl. The relationship is amazing, but I know it never would have happened if I was still drinking.

I'm now in a position where I can drink socially with friends or have a drink with a meal, and not feel like I'm going to go on an all night binging session. (I'm not a maniac, I still feel like I need a drink after a hard day sometimes!)
This is the position I want to be in with porn. I'm still very much struggling with it, but I'm fighting, and taking every day as it comes.

If you want this hard enough, you'll do it. But you have to really, really want it, and combine that sheer will we going out and doing productive things to replace your habits. Willpower is key, but it's not enough on its own.

I hope I've helped, or at least given you some motivation to kick your habits for good!

Peace x

 

Glad to hear it man. The longer you go without it, the more confident and stronger you'll feel. It's all about building up that resilience!

 

Yeah I also struggled with substances and porn. Especially my porn and weed abuse every day made me lonley. After being now almost a year on NoFap I realized I used all of this stuff to get in a state of trance, where I don't need to take action to get gratification. I really was afraid to take action because of all the anxiety that build up over the years. And I had no idea where this anxiety came from. A lot of it came from porn. And after I knew this I had an extreme motivation to kick this stupid habit. And everything got better.
All the substance abuse was because I was so afraid that there is no place for me in this world. And so I escaped. But everyone got a talent. We just need to discover it, but we can't when we live in this fog every day.
I think especially porn addiction kills every drive in us. It's easy to hide in a room and get into this trance of having sex with all this girls and non-stop partying, but it's not real. We have to punch our fears in the face every day.

 

This is the best and truest thing I've read today.

 

Dear Dake
I had the same problem you are describing. Thanks be to God, the last hang-up was the drinking, which ended just over 3 years ago.
I hope we can serve as a support to you during this process. Do you need an AP?

 

When I was younger I used to drink a lot. It was in part the same reason I used porn, to feel good and ignore the emotional pain. I needed some sort of kick to feel good. I've at times used exercise to do the same thing. I have and do sometimes play video games a lot. I can often eat a lot especially when I feel down or worried. All these things serves as a distraction and again a sort of a numbing.

I've sometimes thought of myself as having an addictive personality. But how I look at it now is more of a compulsion. I use these various things to escape. I get deeply into them because it helps me to not feel emotional pain. The focus keeps me from thinking about things I don't want to. Some activities are clearly bad like porn and drink (at least to the extent I would). Some things seem good, like exercise. But even that isn't good if it is too much or being used to mask something else.

I think we are truly right when we can take something or leave it. For example, we may have a drink but we don't have to. It would make us happy but we don't need it to be happy. The same for exercise. It would be good to exercise but we don't need it to feel good about ourself.

So yes, I think I've experienced the same thing. I see the problem as if you need these things to be happy you never will be. You end up chasing happiness because it isn't something you find by doing stuff, good or bad. And engaging in compulsive activities doesn't make the thoughts or feelings you want to avoid go away. If you don't address it you may substitute one compulsion for another.

 

Can definitely relate to a few of the posters here. I sometimes joke to people that I can find a way to have a bad relationship with any good thing. I'm 26 and I've had more good years than not since I first started to live a clean and healthy life at 19 where I am pretty removed from compulsive behavior. But twice now I've had extended times where I lapse into a lesser state and can't seem to get free from various pleasures, general laziness, etc. In the middle of the second one now which started maybe 1 year ago and has seemed to gradually increase in severity ever so slowly until the past few weeks.

I feel like there's more to learn about what causes this and my interior environment but it hasn't been that forthcoming. I know sometimes I have expectations of myself and I feel bad when I don't meet them. This negative feeling has me seeking more escapes which make me feel worse, so it can be a vicious cycle. But it's still somewhat of a mystery why I just don't feel as up to the challenge of life as other times. I was diagnosed Bipolar years ago and I don't think I quite fit the typical tendencies of a Bipolar person [I've known a few]. However I can definitely see some parallels. I don't want to think I'm just a passive agent to my brain chemistry though.

Interested to hear the perspectives from those who had compulsive behaviors and were able to overcome them. Hope I can continue to learn about myself and gain experience to be less susceptible to pleasure seeking.

 

I too struggle with multiple addictions, PMO + Weed + Booze, but for me putting out the fire of PMO is my priority. I think that my need to numb myself with substances will dissipate as I gain freedom from PMO. If, however, drinking or drugging leads you to fap time and time again, then you may need to cut all of these activities. If you are addicted to drugs and alcohol you may need to find help in those departments separate from nofap. There are lots of 12 step groups, rehaps, support groups out there for substance abuse. I did a 6 month free counselling for addiction in my area that was beneficial. Don't be afraid to ask for help in areas of your life where you need it. You are not alone. Don't listen to the haters, you have support here. Good luck!

 

No one ever goes to a 12 step group thinking it will work. It doesn't work as just a logical thing, once you let the program basically warp your thinking, your belief carries you through anything. It doesn't make sense, until one day it just works. Well, not just one day, it happens over time. I'm an AA guy, by no means do I think it is the only way.

One thing I will mention on here: if people are going to make comparisons between addictions, say porn vs alcoholism, I would like to point out most alcoholics can't just quit by following some simple logical steps say in the manner most NoFappers seem to think will work with porn. I'm only saying it may be wise to investigate a bit. If people truly understood their addiction, they wouldn't have a problem with it. That's how you see people on here saying "wow, with everything I knew, how did it happen". Alcoholics know they have a problem, that knowledge doesn't keep you sober. And a lot of guys on here are saying that.

 

Ya man i used to be addicted to drinking, video games, and porn. A good night for me was coming home after work from delivering pizzas, finding someone to buy me alcohol(was and still am underage), getting wasted, then watching like hours of porn followed by hours of video games. So your not alone. Goodluck

 

One of the rules or principle tenants is that as individuals we cannot speak for the organization, only for ourselves. I think that makes sense without explanation.

At this point in my recovery I feel it's too bad that AA doesn't include more science based stuff like how your brain heals after you quit drinking. But the thing is with any recovery system, are they really going to say "our stuff works but hey look at this other stuff"? They have an obligation to keep people focused on their "proprietary" system. Imagine walking into a meeting and they're not exactly being how should I say... Convincing and salesmanlike? Now I feel I can see the benefits of both. AA stresses being open minded, and I find the best people I've met in it acknowledge there are other ways while still understanding AA's effectiveness remains strongest while you tout only it's advantage while at an AA meeting.

It's hard to sum up what I want to say about AA, but here goes...

AA has a low success rate for people and you want evidence. If you go to meetings, you'll meet lots of people who are sober and recovering. Now, not to put my thoughts into your head, I'm just going to play devil's advocate... You might think the people are not alcoholics, or they're hypochondriacs, or they're just insane or they're losers, they just needed a group to belong to(I thought all these things). I'm trying to sum up one of the things that I "realized", that old adage that for those who need proof, there will never be enough and for those that believe, they don't need proof.

Of course, I realize like any sane person you want evidence and the last thing I said above is kinda a tricky cop-out. But it's sorta the cornerstone of 12 step stuff. You can actually choose what you think. And with enough "brainwashing" in AA you can choose to believe in a set of principles that keep you sober.

So then you start saying, that's bullshit, if I choose to believe in it, then it's not true, after all I can choose to believe in dragons, that doesn't mean they exist. But you don't actually believe in dragons, do you?

And the idea of AA's efficacy which to be fair I lean on and stress less than I should is a "higher power" which like the old adage goes those who need proof will never have enough and those that believe don't need any. It's impossible to explain the mechanism of why or how anyone would or could make the change to believe any type of "bullshit" they want. Of course, I do not think it is "bullshit", I'm just trying to keep this explanation as secular and scientific as possible.

I'm not claiming to understand how AA works. No one ever does. I'm giving you my cliff's notes of what I think the major thing that happens is. Actually the smarter you are, the harder it is to get I think. Especially those with very analytical minds. I'm just explaining as best I can using an analytical approach. Because it's not really about "getting it", it's like just knowing something different.

I know it sounds like a bunch of bullshit, and it's really just one of those "easier said than done" things.

That being said in all this AA stuff, there are loopholes and some pretty straightforward confession type stuff, looking at your defects. There's way more than just this. It all made a lot of sense for me.

Another way to say it in the same way is Voltaire's "if God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him" which he did not say to say that God is fictional. By it's very definition it's an unknowable thing. I think we can probably all agree, supernatural stuff is not something supported by evidence, it's a belief. Then when you find a way or understand how you can choose what you believe...

And to burn it all down, someday perhaps I will choose to stop believing in it.

 

me too.

same way this site is a self help for porn, there's online quitting resources. AA works for people it works for... there is no doubt about that. For some it's a gateway to seeking other healing.
Like porn addiction and the sexual problems displayed on this board, alcohol abuse describes a wide range of behaviors and causes, so it's not surprising that there are many solutions.

 

Not sure. probably not. like you said they would say you're trying hard enough. But I do know people who have gone to AA and used other approaches as well, and others who have used that for the first stopping point to admitting they were having a problem.