Let me start by saying that I am a wife in recovery for betrayal trauma. My husband has been PMO free for about a year. My husband and I started touching one another after his 90 day reboot. Initially he would be hard immediately, but after a month or two, he returned to the pre-reboot state of requiring manual stimulation and going completely soft when he is touching me. We progressed to masturbating one another, but neither of us was ready for sex. I read about many men who are active in PMO addiction unable to orgasm unless they fantasize about P. So since my husband has been PMO free a year, I asked him about it. My husband says he still does fantasize about other women for a few seconds at a time when I am touching him. Initially he said that thoughts came into his mind involuntarily and then he pushes them away, and that he is working to reduce it. And I was okay with that. But then later he said that he does stay with these fantasies sometimes and that I just need to accept it as normal. When I asked him not to voluntarily engage in fantasies to get erect or to orgasm, he got angry and says I am asking too much that he not fantasize when we are having sex. I feel devestated and cannot bring myself to touch him now. I feel so bad that I am inducing shame but I feel that he is sabotaging his reboot. I just want him to stay with me and let’s work together so he does not need fantasy. I suggested we just touch each other and take a break if he feels pressured to fantasize. It’s not a big deal if he goes soft or doesn’t O. He refuses any approach other than for me to let him reduce his dependency on fantasy at his own pace, and that I just accept it. I am getting my own therapy to address this trauma response, btw. So what are your thoughts? If he fantasizes about P while I M him to O, is this going to keep him dependent on the fantasies?