Hello everyone, I've been on this site for about 1 month and I've learned a lot. Started doing hard mode on 11th march and relapsed on 12th may without porn (which is equally as bad). I got immediately depressed and question myself why I do this, all the hardwork is gone. I have to admit I even got some minor suicidal thoughts after I have relapsed, and that sucks. I am sharing it so late because now I finally have the courage to tell you guys about this, and this week I've been touching my genital but not really edging and doing pmo. I decided that I have to do it again and starting fresh today. I want to relapse, yes, because whenever I have those urges I am stagnant, and that caused further development of the urge. Now that I remembered my shitty feeling after pmo, I will always remind myself about it and I need to do my best to become the best me! We only live once, so I got to force myself. Good luck on your reboot journey!