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Facesitting/Smothering/Domination/Humiliation Fetish Addiction

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by wellthenisay, Feb 22, 2016.

  1. wellthenisay

    wellthenisay Fapstronaut

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    Hey y'all!

    I have been extremely turned on by female butts and the fantasy of being facesat (or sat on in general) for as long as I can remember, even before being exposed to any porn. I don't think that light dominance, smothering, or facesitting is unhealthy in itself; I have in fact shared very positive experiences with female partners in the past during such practices.

    In the world of porn and fetish films, however, the facesitting fetish is often associated with various forms of abuse such as verbal humiliation/belittling, slapping, spitting, torturous smothering, etc (by the way, I watch both female on female and female on male domination)... these areas, I think, are very toxic, and I am hooked on them.

    When I first discovered this type of porn (early in my teen years - I was probably 13 or 14), I thought it was..viciously arousing. Something about the cruelty being pushed was incredibly exciting. I suspect that my attraction to this aspect of the fetish came before my exposure to porn as well, that it stems from deep-seated shame and insecurity which craves abuse and is wanting to further secure its position within me. Even though shame and insecurity doesn't feel good and I don't want it, it is a deeply embedded pain-body, and pain-bodies need to feed, to have a host, without which they would not survive. It is very difficult to not be swept up in the strong current of the pain-body sometimes.

    So while I don't think porn created this situation for me, my craving to keep pushing the violence has grown after being exposed to it. Whenever I finish my PMO sessions, I always feel so down, so humiliated, fried, and self-abusive. The damage that it does to my internal state has really come to a head. On day 4 of nofap and the cravings are coming on STRONG. I am wondering if there are any fellow nofappers out there who can relate to my situation? I have kept this struggle in the dark for years now and I am in need of support.
     
    HopeSong and MFCSteele like this.
  2. It's all relative. Porn skews our sexual tastes in a drastic way - my fetish is the opposite and revolves around excessively dominating women which can be deemed as even worse than yours. You have my empathy bro; the only way to normalise is to go cold turkey and allow our brains to detox. All the best.
     
  3. wellthenisay

    wellthenisay Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for reaching out, Chef Boy! My best intentions to you..
     
    Dizzy Lotus and Chef Boy like this.
  4. BobDobbs

    BobDobbs Fapstronaut

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    Part of why I'm finally addressing my porn addiction is because I found myself fantasizing more and more about cuckolding. I was in an abusive marriage a few years ago, and I think my interest stems from that. I won't explain specifically what I've thought about, but I've toyed with the idea contacting people to act out some of these fantasies, which DO NOT really want to engage in.
     
    wellthenisay likes this.
  5. wellthenisay

    wellthenisay Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing, BobDobbs... I am happy to hear that you are addressing this issue and are directing more of your awareness to your internal state. I wish you the best in overcoming this addiction along with healing the pain that it stems from.
     
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  6. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    Been there, I felt the same. I was into Cuck and "husband watches"...just like you there is no way I would let that happens..that being said I PMO'd the hell out of that.
     
    wellthenisay likes this.
  7. elpamfael

    elpamfael Fapstronaut

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    I have similar fetishes but I learned that they are not what I truly want. They just developed through watching porn and craving novelty over and over again which adds up to weird stuff, doesn't matter what the fetish is if it evolved through pixels that's the cause. Now I associate sexual arousel with these fetishes, meaning when I get turned on my mind wanders to those fetishes. Therefor the goal is to stop that association by redirectint the mind as soon as you catch yourself wandering.
     
    wellthenisay and Dizzy Lotus like this.
  8. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    The thing with the facesitting is that depending on your SO, its feasible and not extremely embarrassing to ask...I got it once and would like it more with my SO. Not in a domina/can't breath smother fashion tho...

    But overall, I agree with all...its all about redirecting the mind, sanitizing the thoughts, so the darn porn images, desires and fantasies "shut up" and go away. Personnally, I feel better now that the ideas and images don't haunt me, I feel a better balance in my life.
     
    elpamfael and wellthenisay like this.
  9. HopeSong

    HopeSong Fapstronaut

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    Hi there, WTIS. Yes, I do relate with what you're saying. I'm a female, and I don't have quite the same fetish, but I too have had shame and insecurity since I was a child. I found these feelings unbearable, and I linked them to sexual arousal when I was little. Over time, the abusive and humiliating components of my fantasies escalated. Porn made them even worse.

    I like what you say, "It is very difficult to not be swept up in the strong current of the pain-body sometimes."

    Absolutely. I've noticed, personally, that my humiliation fantasies get strongest when I'm feeling somehow disempowered or put down in some subtle way in some aspect of my life. That "pain body" feels consumed with the tension of those feelings. One helpful thing someone told me once is this: "Most any very strong feeling, good or bad, can be linked with sexual arousal." I believe my abusive fantasies contain the things I found unbearable in real life.

    So how do I deal with this stuff? One thing I did were some exercises in Wendy Maltz's book, "Private Thoughts" -- Even though it focuses on women's fantasies, I think her exercises are equally applicable to men, and I found that diagramming some of the fantasies and working with the activation and feelings underneath them helped.

    Another thing has been self-compassion. Which can be INSANELY difficult, at times. Parts of me have been so associated with pain for so long.

    I hope something I say here is of help. Feel free to reach out to me in PM if you'd like to know more about some of the ways I've worked with this stuff.

    It's tough. One thing I can say: My fantasies are diminishing over time. And I feel less and less insecure in my life, and more and more wanted, more sure of my place. The degradation is stuff that was put on me when I was little, and I am coming to believing more and more that even though I was shamed as a kid, that doesn't necessarily make me shameful.

    My pain body is powerful, but not necessarily correct. Even just doubting the insecurity, letting myself have a question mark about my worthiness, helps.
     
    Dizzy Lotus and wellthenisay like this.
  10. wellthenisay

    wellthenisay Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, HopeSong! I very much appreciate your beautiful reply.. I am interested in Wendy Maltz's book and I intend to check it out. I would like to stay in touch with you as well throughout this journey. I know that I am not "out of the woods" with all of this, but I have actually been doing very well these past few days. I hope that all is well with you :) Best intentions...
     
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  11. HopeSong

    HopeSong Fapstronaut

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    So glad things have been going well for you. And thanks for your reply! Yes, do stay in touch. My inbox is always open. :) Sometimes, working with these things alongside others can help to reduce the shame and shed new light on those old painful wounds.
     
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  12. wellthenisay

    wellthenisay Fapstronaut

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    Shedding light on the, old painful wounds.. I love the way you put that :) And yes, I very much agree! The support has been incredibly helpful..
     
  13. AjaxTheGreater

    AjaxTheGreater Fapstronaut

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    I found this thread because I have some similarities with the opening poster, but I really have the same thing happening as you said in regards to suffering a humiliation or set-back in real life and then turning to porn in which, in my case, would feature women abusing a male. Or perhaps engaging in masturbation while imagining such a scenario involving myself.

    I don't know why that is, but it definitely has happened many a time. It is funny how similar some of the things people go through can be.

    A funny thing in my case, is sometimes when I do a physical activity and find success, I have also ended up looking at fem-dom related porn afterwards. In fact, I noticed that often post work-out is one of the sorts of "high danger" times for me. Almost like I validated to myself that I'm not a wimp, so it is therefore okay for me to engage in this. I'm not sure.

    But I can definitely relate to what you said. I'm actually trying to think of how I am going to deal with that next time it happens. Because that is definitely a difficulty for me in the journey of getting "better."
     
  14. AjaxTheGreater

    AjaxTheGreater Fapstronaut

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    Hope things are going well for you...we are battling a very similar demon my friend. I'm proud of you for fighting back against it. I know how tough it is.
     
  15. AjaxTheGreater

    AjaxTheGreater Fapstronaut

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    One thing that might possibly help--is that, I know, in my case, often when I go to satisfy this fetish, in the places I look, I see content that is alarming and not at all what turns me on. The content seems immoral, sick, all that sort of stuff...but I think perhaps keeping in mind that people with a similar fetish have ended up getting into that kind of stuff can serve as some sort of deterrent against engaging in the fetish. I'm not really sure if that helps or not, but not long ago I saw some material mixed in with the sorts of material that "satisfies" my fetish (of course there is no real satisfaction) and it was stuff that seemed alarming and repulsive to me, but it made me think that, if I don't walk away, I might end up getting into as well.
     

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