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Extremely concerned

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by betterlife1, Jul 12, 2019.

  1. Jul 12, 2019 #1
    betterlife1

    betterlife1 Fapstronaut

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    so I am at a point where I feel I have completely messed myself up. I repeatedly on and off for the last few years have been looking at/chatting about cuckolding, and also get aroused at the idea of servicing men orally and chatted about it. Growing up I have never wanted to do anything with men and have always considred myself heterosexual. However, when I try to think of anything heterosexual in my mind I like the idea but physically the response isn't as strong or easy as it used to be back in the day. I hope this is just strong conditoning. I have watched porn since I was 13 and yes my porn tastes have escalated from vanilla, to humiliation, cuckolding and now really just looking at videos of blowjobs and imagining what it's like to give one or think about it. I am extremely worried and stopping now but Idk anymore if I have completely ruined myself.
     
    betterlife1, Jul 12, 2019
    betterlife1, Jul 12, 2019
    #1
    Kiz Whalifa likes this.
  2. Jul 12, 2019 #2
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    It sounds like an escalation issue. Make a strong plan and reboot and you will find your answer along the way. Don't dwell on this issue, focus on healing
     
    Deleted Account, Jul 12, 2019
    Deleted Account, Jul 12, 2019
    #2
    wallieboy92, Rebooter45674 and Kiz Whalifa like this.
  3. Jul 12, 2019 #3
    johnnybgoode

    johnnybgoode Fapstronaut

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    Hey betterlife1, nice to see you here and I'm glad that you want to change something in your behaviour. I also just started my first reboot and I'm on Day 25 now, but after reading this I was thinking, maybe you can pull something out of this thread I was starting with:

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/im-struggling-with-my-femdom-fetish.237009/

    I exactly know what you going through, I also had the same pictures with blowjobs etc.. I even had one real life exp, where an older guy sucked mine.. happened in the sauna and I couldn't resist somehow, but I felt so bad after it (actually molested) that I knew, this is something I never want to experience again, and if I wouldn't felt so worthless and desperate to this time, it would even never have happened..

    Don't punish yourself, its very good you stop now watching this stuff, and for sure it will take some time, but those thoughts will go away, and your natural healthy sex drive will come back one day.. I know that you already know that these kind of things not those of your real being..
     
    johnnybgoode, Jul 12, 2019
    johnnybgoode, Jul 12, 2019
    #3
    Rebooter45674 and Kiz Whalifa like this.
  4. Jul 12, 2019 #4
    Rebooter45674

    Rebooter45674 Fapstronaut

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    @betterlife1 I masturbated publicly (kind of...as I think no one saw me and hope that was the case) due to Porn addiction and it shattered me from inside...No self worth... So, I came back to Nofap ... Even then it took approx. A month to get fully determined to go for NoPMO...

    And today I am on my 25 or 26 day and I have come a long way.... I was not able to see myself in the eye.... But today I can make eye contact with People even Girls

    Do not loose hope.....
     
    Rebooter45674, Jul 12, 2019
    Rebooter45674, Jul 12, 2019
    #4
    johnnybgoode likes this.
  5. Aug 28, 2019 #5
    fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    fedmom, Aug 28, 2019
    fedmom, Aug 28, 2019
    #5

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