Experience so far with doing an extreme reboot

**TLDR summary at the end if you don’t want to read the whole thing**.

Though I respect your time & attention span, I have a lot to share and am a first timer here, so I’m just going to write, hope it helps

I had planned to wait till I reached 90 days to write about my experience, but I'm at a unique point right now and maybe you can benefit from what I've learned so far. Hope it helps

Age: 39
Motivation for nofap : all the usual symptoms, but especially ED
Relapse : after 40 days
Current streak : over a month, not counting anymore


So first off, I’ll admit that I was addicted to PMO. Obvious right? Wasn’t to me at first, I thought that I was just addicted to MO and that I used P just because it was there, but that I didn’t need it. Since then I've come to realize its all linked together in my brain. For example, I would never watch P just to pass time, it is a reinforced sequence, P then M then O. also, theres a lot of overlap in the brain between P and sexual fantasy.

As I read about nofap, I realized fapping was just one of many things messing up my dopamine/natural opioids levels and my relationship with the world in general. I have an all-in/all-out sort of personality, so I decided that I was going to clean up completely

So apart from nofap, I also decided to give up

• gaming (including on the phone)
• social media
• drastically limit all other internet/electronic devices
• alcohol
• cigarettes
• caffeine
• refind sugar
• meat – nothing wrong with meat, but I was psychologically addicted to it
• Weed as well – used very rarely but only due to lack of availability, but highly hooked to combining weed + PMO.

That was the neurochemical reset. Next was exercise & physical health. I started to really lift heavy and push my body, regularized sleep, tons of water. All the regular stuff. The most important component was meditation & personal development. It took a few damaging experiences last year to shake me out of apathy and recognize my limiting beliefs, poor self-image, and low self-esteem. This is what really triggered the whole effort. More on this later.


FIRST 30 DAYS :
surprisingly, I didn’t have any big urges, which just confirmed my false belief that I wasn’t an addict. I ignored my semi-hard morning wood, but my dick was dead to flatline otherwise. I didn’t read enough to realize the relevance. more significantly my dopamine had crashed through the floor and I felt terrible. I knew that starting nofap while simultaneously giving up the other stimuli would make it harder, but this was more than anything I imagined.

Since I continued lifting I assumed that I wasn’t in any serious depressive/suicidal trouble and just decided to push through. Despite the difficulty I believe this approach has given me far better results than just giving up nofap and I highly recommend it. don’t for a second think that you cant do it, you can. But I would plan it out differently, more later..


RELAPSE:
Flatline annoyed and scared me, so after 35 days when I started getting spontaneous erections I was happy, and felt that my reboot was complete. Big mistake. Getting towel-hangable, rock hard, f***ing painfullll erections was so incredibly gratifying and I couldn’t get enough. Just a little sexual fantasy had me popping. During and for a little while after an erection I felt emotionally great too, brain fog cleared right up, felt happy, connected to the world, laser sharp attention etc etc. tbh, id equate it to when I tried cocaine

I didn’t have any urge to watch P, and painfully resisted the urge to M, but convinced myself that sexual fantasy without touching myself was harmless. Especially cuz it made me feel so good. when the effect wore off I was back to the same shitty state. I realized later that the sexual fanatsy was just spiking my brain with dopamine, and it didn’t take much to feel good, since I was dopamine starved for so long. Over the period of a few days I triggered atleast 10 erections a day, just to get that dopamine fix. that was so stupid, I’d trigger the erection and then torture myself to hold back from M .

And as with any drug, the effects would be diminished and shorter each time, so in a panic I would trigger another. No secret what happened next. I needed to escalate so started edging, no hand, just, well…got real friendly with my blanket (I cant believe I'm admitting this. Face palm). And then, of course the path to edging inevitably ends with the damn O. tried to convince myself that I wasn’t upset, but inside I felt like a loser and failure. Clearly, sexual fantasy is dangerous, just don’t do it!

The inner conflict of this relapse, combined with my surging confidence in my erection strength, triggered a week long rampage of one-night stands. I didn’t P or M, and justified to myself that sex was encouraged so I was doing good. With the first girl I had a disturbing combination of ED and PE. Really weird, but it didn’t deter me. The rest of the week was good, no rock hardness, but the sex felt great and I O’d everytime, which only happened rarely in the past. I reset my counter after that week, just to make a clean start again.

NEW STREAK :
Since then I've started with a different attitude. Way different. This is already too long, so will just hit the

Key learnings

• Neurochemicals are poison for your soul if you don’t learn how to use them. Once you do, they are an incredible gift.

I realize now that the feel-good effects from substances, unhealthy foods, and especially fapping, are a dirty high. As difficult as my relapse was, I learned so much from it, and now realize that I don’t ever want to feel so helpless against an urge for gratification from an external source. The idea of it sends shivers down my spine. This feeling has transcended even to personal habits/behaviors and social dynamics too.

Keeping this at a high level I would explain it with just dopamine: i.e. getting your ‘fix’ of any of these things gives you a dopamine surge. When its something you do all the time, or it just gives small dopamine spikes, you don’t realize how much dopamine enters your system. Starving your brain of dopamine and resetting your dopamine sensitivity gives you so much more awareness of when dopamine hits your brain. You can then easily identify what the source was, and that gives you power over it.

For example, even diet, caffeine-free soda gave me a nice pick up. I had assumed, no sugar, no caffeine, should be ok, but no. haven’t done the research but I'm sure theres some chemical in it or some shit. May be relatively harmless, but don’t care what it is, its out of my life anyway. Some packaged processed foods, thought they were harmless. Got the spike, looked at the ingredients, tons of high fructose corn syrup in it (basically sugar). in the trash!

Similarly, in social situations, and in public in general, I craved getting attention from women, even have them just check me out. Small, momentary spikes, but throughout the night? that’s an addiction. Each time I felt that dopamine spike, I realized how dependent I was on it without even being consciously aware I was looking for it. now I have a new rule, if I don’t intend to talk to the girl, I’m not going to care if shes checking me out or what she thinks about me. Still working on all this..but its clearly a healthier attitude.

On the other hand

• meditation
• deep breathing
• reading great books(personal development, philosophy etc)
• eating healthy
• exercise
• nature
• nights out with friends

all give great spikes. Never ever, in a million years would have thought reading could give me a buzz. I'm talking about feeling better than after a couple of beers! No exaggeration. These are clearly healthy stimuli for dopamine, that I don’t mind being dependent on even. I know now I can live with more dopamine than I had before and all from healthy sources, clean clean living. Its doing wonders for my self-esteem and my self-image.

Lesson learned : give up more than just fapping, trust me you’ll be glad you did. Up to you what you think needs to go. How to do it? instead of giving it all up together, stagger it. two benefits, first, the crash will be milder and more manageable, second you can see how your brain reacts to the lack of each stimulus.

• Sex is fine, but theres more to sex than f***ing

One of the key ideas of nofap is to recover your presence with a girl and deep connection, even without sex. I've been with girls with and without that at different points in my life, and connection is better, hands down. Not to take anything away from casual hookups, but during a reboot, limit it.

one of the girls I was with the week after my relapse, we were in and out in 20 mins, we didn’t tell each other our name, didn’t even kiss. Perfectly reasonable for a one night stand, but for the purposes of nofap, it was a hollow experience. the next day I realized we had no connection besides the sexual gratification we were taking from each other, not giving to each other. her body was just a substitute for my hand so was she really any better than a blow up doll. I suggest if youre going to have sex, focus on the girl, being with each other, build up to the sex, don’t think about the sex till you start doing it. as cheesy as it sounds, don’t f***, make love. Atleast during the reboot

• Super powers: just doing nofap may give these to you, but you can magnify the effect

I wasn’t completely convinced that just nofap would give ‘superpowers’ but there are so many testimonials that I couldn’t ignore it. what I realize now is that nofap is the foundation, and everyone can benefit to an extent, but what will make a difference is what you build on that foundation.

NoFap will regulate your brain and give you better focus and attention, but if you then turn that focus inwards towards meditation and contemplation, you will open a window into your sub conscience and do some real great work. NoFap will reduce your anxiety, but you wont become a rockstar in social circles overnight, you still need to get out of the house, put yourself out there socially, and take more risks. NoFap will give you more connectedness with the world, but you need to go out and actually connect with the world, share yourself and let people share themselves with you, so you have to get out of your comfort zone. Tbh, I feel that whether you do NoFap or you don’t, personal development is one of the most important things we can ever do. but NoFap is just the beginning of it.

• A relapse isn’t a failure, context leads to success. Either you define the meaning, or it defines you

The self-loathing after my relapse was epic, I should have sold tickets to it. but once I snapped out of it, I realized the truth of it. it wasn’t me, the person, that failed, it was a highly probable outcome of my brain’s dependence on an addictive substance it doesn’t have control over. In other words, I am a drug addict. Note to self: hate the drug, not the addict.

I could have wallowed in self-pity, but I was lucky enough to find a better more empowering story. As motivated as I may appear about my personal development, I'm grateful for the relapse because it reminds me that I'm vulnerable everyday to slipping and making mistakes. theres no guarentees that I will reach 90 days, or meet my new goal of giving up fapping for good. Knowing this keep me more vigilant and also makes me more grateful for the progress I make




Long asssss post, I know, but hope it helps. Good luck, see you on the other side


TLDR – summary

• Besides nofap, also gave up gaming, social media, drastically limit all other internet, alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine, weed, refind sugar, meat. Is there a name for this? Extreme Mode?
• 35 days into nofap got spontaneous erections, started sexual fantasy, then edged, and eventually O’d
• That fueled a week long binge of casual hookups
• New streak has been far more successful, due to following lessons learned

Neurochemicals are a bitch if you don’t understand them. If you learn how to, they are an incredible gift.
give up more than just fapping, trust me you’ll be glad you did. The dopamine sensitivity reset is faster and deeper, and the resulting awareness gives a huge amount of control over your addictive triggers. Once youre through the worst of it, rather than pushing yourself to refrain from an addiction, you will get pulled towards living free of it. much more effective and sustainable

Sex is fine, but theres more to sex than f***ing
Sex during reboot should be about connecting with the girl and redefining intimacy in your nervous system. Otherwise the girl is just a substitute for your hand

Super powers: just doing nofap may give these to you, but you can magnify the effect
Nofap will make your mind more fertile, but you have to sow the seeds of personal development and nurture them to see long lasting, meaningful improvements.

A relapse isn’t a failure, context leads to success. Either you define the meaning, or it defines you
Don’t beat yourself up about a relapse, but also don’t take it casually. Relapse is an opportunity to revisit your motivation for doing nofap in the first place. Use the relapse as a reminder that you are an addict and will remain a slave to your addiction until you gain control over it.

 

Congrats on your streak man!

and mad respect for quitting weed! I was daily on weed for a few years too, and broke the habit only because I moved cities and dont have regular access anymore to do it daily. you’ve given up PMO and weed at the same time, despite having ‘availability’ to both….wow! youre an inspiration to me

youre absolutely right about addiction, its not the substance/action/behavior/stimulus we get addicted to, it’s the neurochemical response to that stimulus in our brain that keeps us coming back for more. Realizing this gave me helpful perspective on the whole effort. I identified personally too much with each addiction, but when I realized that’s its not me vs. cigarettes, or me vs. PMO, its my brain vs. neurochemicals, it helped me dissociate, and look at it as someone else’s fight (i.e. my brain’s).

brother, youre on the right track, keep going! Would love to hear your progress.

 

Wise observation! the list of triggers for dopamine/neurochemicals is endless.0

Its important to understand that neurochemicals as such aren’t evil. Dopamine is in fact essential for life, its how our brain rewards us for even eating food & drinking water. Its important for motivation, motor control, general brain health. So the goal isn’t to remove dopamine from our system completely. Its to make our brain work for us in a way that promotes a healthy productive life, rather than us work for our brain to give it its drug fix.

Forums/internet can be addictive no doubt. But as far as it leading to PMO relapse, well I wont say it cant happen, but its not how I expect it to pan out. For two reasons

• if two behaviors are associated deeply in your brain then engaging in one can trigger the urge for the other.

For example, for me it was booze and cigarettes, for years if I ever had a drink id also have a cigarette in my hand. I tried quitting cigarettes once before and didn’t make the connection between the two, so ‘relapsed’ on cigarettes because I didn’t stop drinking

If forums/internet aren’t deeply associated in your brain to the surge of dopamine from PMO, then IMO just getting dopamine fix from internet shouldn’t trigger a dopamine urge from PMO. But if just the sight of computer pixels lighting up revs up your PMO engine then switch it off.

• if 2 different stimuli fulfill the same need, then one can lead to another, or become substitutes for each other

theres the biological mechanism, but also the psychological associations to a stimulus. Maybe these are inherently the same, I'm not sure. So gaming, besides giving me a dopamine spike, is also escapism from my problems and life in general. Binge watching TV does the same thing. So when I tried to cut down on gaming, I ended up watching more TV.

forums/research etc may spike dopamine but also fulfill my need for growth, so though there are better ways to spend an evening than doing anything at all in front of a computer, I don’t expect that learning and sharing on forums would trigger my PMO habits. Tony Robbins’ talk on ‘the 6 human needs’ may be interesting for you regarding this

Journaling is great, I highly recommend it. I don’t see anything wrong with it at all wrt to triggering PMO. One tip, make it completely private/take it to the grave, so you can be honest with yourself in it. brutally honest.

It’s a long answer to your question, but you brought up a nuanced point which is very important to explore. Thanks and good luck!

 

First off, congratulations on reaching 33 days!

Tbh, I was thrilled with the spontaneous E’s, I literally hung a towel on it and pushed a door open to check the strength lool. This is a safe place to share our embarrassing stories right? it felt great…at first. but it’s a slippery slope

Within two days of my first E, I had relapsed, and within a week I almost had unprotected sex with a girl I just met (luckily we found a condom). It’s the grip of the addiction man, once its gets you, you start making bad choices. Frankly, I’d be ok with Jr. being in flatline till day 90…

Have faith in the process. Youre doing the right thing, don’t doubt it. its about the next 33 years of your life, not the last 33 days.

I did have bad anaconda grip and one bad fetish. My death grip was baaaaad. It destroyed sensitivity & totally fucked up my sex life. One time I had to check whether I was still inside the girl because I couldn’t feel her p***y

But nofap helps with this man, it really does. The sex after my relapse felt amazing and sensitivity for everything was way up. Even them rubbing my chest made me squirm. I think that’s one of the key benefits of nofap, your nervous system rewires itself to being with a woman in a much more pleasurable way.

Keep going man, focus on the positives, and don’t compare your experience to anyone else’s, that’ll just ruin it for you. good luck!

 

thanks man! good luck!