I'm not sure what it says about me that I still come and read this thread every time it's updated. Then again, I still keep track of my days, trying to meditate as best I can. Whether it's working or not, I don't know, but enough people have told me try the self-love thing (as difficult as that is), that I try. I laugh as I re-read this. I doubt that such a woman exists for me, or if does, she isn't already involved. I wondered if this was possible with my wife, but even before we married I knew it wasn't ideal. I went on regardless, hoping for a change - in her, in me, in something. To continue with the analogy, I'm a very cold man, who doesn't much care how many burns he gets at present. No - that's not true. I don't want an awesome woman in my life. I'd like a lot of awesome women in my life, in an intimate manner. Maybe it's the 3-plus months of tension (which isn't getting burnt out at the gym. Maybe it speaks to some part of me that saw the rejections of a younger me as something to be blown away and ignored by an awesome life after forty. Early in NoFap I read a book that asked me to write up a list of things I wanted to do before I died. Unsurprisingly, a large number of them involved women (multiple women). Do I think it's impossible? No. It will probably just take a lot of work, on me, to get to a point where it's possible. Until then, I'll come in here every time you update and read with envy of your exploits.