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Everyone is having sex! Not me!

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Potato93, Feb 25, 2017.

  1. Tekkadan

    Tekkadan Guest

    You can have that. You can have anything you want. But I suggest you change your basis. You seem to be quite upset about this. This is not a good basis. Being happy first without a lover and then going out to get one worked pretty well for my friends! I still suggest you read "Intimate Connections" and perhaps "What the hell do women really want?" by Dr. Clark. Perhaps something in your approach was wrong? These books offer great advice. If you are serious about getting lover you can't give up.
     
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  2. Potato93

    Potato93 Fapstronaut

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    For some people yes, and you seem to be one of these. Natural, Im 21 and I'm just starting to perceive this. It started last year, but one thing that've also learned is that my career, education and the love of my parents are indeed a HUGE driving force behind my life. My friends are the people that gave me forces to be in this world, just as my parents. You need this people just as you need a lover, dont confuse things up. They are different kinds of love but they are equally LOVE by itself.

    Both are important. One day a good friend of mine got the girl I liked. He knew that I liked her, but even so he moved on.

    Of course I got really pissed at the moment. Of course that affected our relationship, but I didn't cut lines with him either, I didnt let my feelings for her let my friendship go down. And for that day on I was perceived as superior to him, both emotionally and physically.

    It's like the quote:

    To err is human, to forgive, divine.
     
  3. Tekkadan

    Tekkadan Guest

    "Career, education, or how much your parents love you don't matter for quality of life that much. I am not 12 anymore, I have the need to be emotionally and sexually close to a female."

    I used to think like that too. Until boom, all of it was gone within one year because I was over pursuing some girls. After that, love from women had no meaning. Education was luxury, friendship was luxury. Having a peaceful family was luxury. Adults don't need love. Neither emotionally, nor sexually. Only children do. Again, take up the reading and stop taking what you have for granted. If you are alive and healthy, you got nothing to complain about. Work on your love goals, but count your blessings while you still have them. Don't be stupid like me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 27, 2017
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  4. Well now that I've done it, I feel like there really are other things in life other than sex. Maybe some people learn better by experience, rather than advice of others.

    Now I feel freed by that obsession, so I can pursue other things in life. I've never ever felt so refreshed after climaxing before. So even sex with a total stranger was better for me than PMO. I almost feel like my old, pre-PMO self when I was relaxed around girls around my age and didn't treat them any different than other people. And they digged me back then. I swear women could smell my obsession.

    I think my second time will be better as I'll hopefully have less performance anxiety. I will also ditch Astrology and all that BS as it leads to victim mentality and makes you feel sad, little and powerless. Oh and I dislike the whole "Mars is a bad planet" thing which for me as a guy feels a bit female-biased (not gonna go in a rant again, I no longer feel anger but Astrology is usually marketed towards females). Or the way they push the arts at the expense of sports and recreation in readings. Well I cannot sing and don't want to become a teacher, no matter what the planets say! It screams of paganism and religion. I might be a feeler and not a thinker, but I usually think sciences at least have proof. Faith is good, but religious beliefs are suffocating. If you think about it it can be depressing.

    I think my loneliness/anxiety had more to do with hormonal imbalance, PMO and the resulting obsession with females rather than the planets. Sure what they told me somewhat aligned to my experiences, but that woman told me my bad karma started age 10 and I actually had female attention until age 12, so she somehow miscalculated two whole years. Age 12 is when I discovered PMO, so I think it's more likely PMO caused the obsession rather than my past life karma. And of course she's gonna say "until age 29-30", as I'm 28 and she wants to give me hope and she knew I've been sad in my teens and 20s (as I told her) so it's not hard to make up some karma. But I did need that sex experience as I've been conditioned by PMO for too long for anything esle to help.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 27, 2017
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  5. Potato93

    Potato93 Fapstronaut

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    (Ive read the other thread, ignore my question)

    When you said your second time, are you planning to hire a hooker again? Don't fall into obsession man, I knew a friend who got hooked over prostitutes and he ended up spending more than 100,000 bucks in one month. True story.

    Now, dont wait until you turn 30, continue your journey, being that with or without a partner.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2017
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  6. I think falling for her first would be better, then getting to know her and then having sex. I think I need to work on expressing my affection. I come off as aloof and cold because I've faced harsh criticism as a teen for expressing my feelings (and also my hormones make me too passive). I am finally going to insist on getting some real therapy for my hormonal issues so I will get boost of energy that will most likely make me more confident to express my positive feelings and affection. And hopefully not afraid to approach females. :)

    But yes, I would have hated to be a 30 year old virgin. 28 is quite late, but at least in your 20s. Besides, I really think for us guys doing the deed changes your outlook on life, it's like a rite of passage of sorts. Strangely, now after seeing a female up so close I feel more inclined to go out there and talk to some random girl with less inhibitions. Seeing people at their most vulnerable - without clothes really changes your perspective about life. And as my main problem is fearing others, it helps. Of course it won't solve my other issues, but at least I have achieved the seemingly unachieavable feat. Still have to look at what causes that abdominal pulsations above my belly button when I am excited or anxious. I hope it's not something bad with the pancreas... maybe the adrenals pumping adrenaline but why I feel it in my upper abdomen I don't know. So I guess I'll ask for good vibes or prayers.
     
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  7. Underage sex is one thing and it's illegal.

    However I'm not a fan of people calling people sluts, shanks, whores... regardless of their gender. People need to respect that if other people want to get down then that is there choice. I've slept with a lot of girls in the past. Some meaningful, some less so. Do I regret it? No. Should I? No.

    The only time I think casual sex is regrettable is when someone is duped into thinking it's more than it is. That's mean but if two consenting adults want sex then it doesn't matter if lasts one night or one decade as far as I'm concerned.
     
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  8. Potato93

    Potato93 Fapstronaut

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    For me it's not about the sex, its the superficial thoughts around it that is toxic. If I were in your situation not regreting it would be the choice, obviously. Who would like to move on regreting?

    The fact is that our friend up here just hired a escort because the social pression around it was struggling him. Now, are we duped into thinking its more than it is? Not necessarily. In fact, Pop culture and media in the past decades have been doing extremely the opposite.

    In the end it all comes down to your own values.
    I dont like the "sex only after marriage" thinking, but I also dont like the "SEX everyday lifestyle". They are both extremes.
    It's an act that involves two people. You can think that it lasting for only one night is ok, but your partner not so much. Get it?
    The name for that is fuck buddy, if you both dont care at all, them you 2 are fuck buddies. That may see as superficial for some people.

    The value of my sex may be different than the value of yours, dont try to banalize it in a way that your "no value at all" may be perceived to most people as the correct standard one. That's the main dialogue of this thread, and that's why I felt starting it.

    It's the ideology of:

    "We all wanna get down, right? SO maybe if we estabilish a low value to sex, we can get more people to hop into it and we can get away with it more easily too."

    Understand?
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2017
  9. It's not the social pressure. I don't talk about such stuff with friends. It was spiritual and physical need to be that close to a female. Sounds out there but I feel different. All religions say when two people make sex they exchange energy. Btw I had the worst anxiety, mental health, depression and panic attacks after I was too intimate with another guy. That was the same year my adrenals went crazy. I feel like I was not meant to be bi or gay so being intimate with him changed my aura. Basically my life became hell after that and I suddenly started attracting too much attention from gay guys like that doctor that got too touchy feely with my dick. Of course I felt nothing with any of them. Maybe when you go against your true sexuality "just because guys are always ready to give you a handjob/bj" your energy becomes unstable. Maybe if I was gay I wouldn't have this reaction but I swear it was like I got a demonic attachment (no homophobe) or sth. My life was bad before that due to PMO but that encounter did a number on me. And it is not shame or disgust, it's like exchanging intimate energy with another male is against my nature so my lower chakras got overflowing with wrong (for my natural disposition) energy. It's like your body feels you're doing something not aligned with your heart desire.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 28, 2017
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  10. The Trooper

    The Trooper Fapstronaut

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    same here. I feel like shit bcz i never had sex or gf when all my friends did this. I'm So f*kd up!
     
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  11. Yup fully understand. I'll be honest... I just see a lot of young people of here with shame who judge themselves for things which are largely nature. I try to help people exorcise shame.

    For the record... my gf and me had our 2 year anniversary last week. So there's no hedonism here! Haha. But if there were I'd give myself acceptance.
     
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  12. I just don't know how I can handle to have a GF that slept with more people than me. I mean it's not a contest and I don't care about purity but I might feel a bit like a novice in the whole thing. Thing is I am playing catch up. In fact the main reason why I give NoFap a chance is because some people report something akin to continuing a delayed by PMO puberty. ;)

    I am about 10-12 years behind normal age for first experience. And I look like a virgin - I look about 18-21. I feel funny that my ass muscles hurt from the humping. I didn't expect that but surprisingly when I did the deed I was not as tired as I imagined I would be. It felt so natural, like I intuitively knew what I was supposed to do. :p I even forgot she's not my type and the longer I was with her the more I liked her. Despite that I'm really discovering things most people my age know since a decade.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2017
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  13. I hope I didn't sound like those religious crazies hatin on gays. I meant my body and spirit felt terrible. YMMV, I know some married men that get bjs by guys all the time and it doesn't affect them in any way. And if you're gay or bi that's your nature to be close with a guy. I went very open minded into that without any bigotry, shame or disgust. That's why I have the balls to share this with you. Despite that my body or soul totally rebelled and went nuts. I went against my nature and it was like I had PTSD but I didn't feel any conscious guilt or shame, just a little regret I didn't get a hooker instead. Really weird. My fortune teller actually saw that and she told me to never tell my future wife. At least I know I am not gonna be like those married guys getting blowed by men. If my soul screams in pain and I feel nothing it's not for me. :)
     
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  14. Potato93

    Potato93 Fapstronaut

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    You're not fucked up. You're not minor than people that had that. Put this in your mind.
     
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  15. Thug Life

    Thug Life Guest

    I'm a reformed slut.
     
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  16. Ellie90

    Ellie90 New Fapstronaut

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    Why did that anger you??? It sounds like he was trying to let you know you're normal. 30% is almost ONE THIRD of the male population. That means of any three guys you meet, most likely one is a virgin just like you. That, to me, sounds reassuring, not angering. o_0

    But maybe you think otherwise or didn't quite understand what he meant - so out of curiosity.. Why'd that make you mad enough to want to throw a punch??? I want to understand. Thanks!
    Cheers!
    -El
     
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  17. Quite honestly I think 30% is very good.
    It's probably 0.3% where I live! Haha
     
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  18. Ellie90

    Ellie90 New Fapstronaut

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    That doesn't sound like a "whore", that sounds like young girls trying to imitate what boys their age consistently show interest in (i.e. porn).

    "Porn", btw, is actually from a latin root for "prostitute" . Pornography originally meant "writings of prostitutes". Today we dont have writings of, but real-life prostitution on video or livestream (hence the dismissal of the "ography" part). Now its just porn.

    Like boys that age (14), girls are very horny due to hormones (actually for girls sexual interest is documented as beginning much sooner). They are interested in sexual pleasure. If they learn about "sex" from prostitutes on video, (because usually adults in the states are too prudish or uneducated themselves to teach girls frankly about the pleasure of sex) that behavior (in the porn) is what they're going to erroneously think is natural and proper behavior. I recall as a girl being pressured constantly from boys and grown men, both, to be "slutty" (put out, make him cum, make him feel important, etc.) Because they were immersed in porn (prostitution). At the time, at age 13, I didn't KNOW or understand that. But now that I'm an adult I understand men and boys were trying to make me mimic the pornos they were watching in privacy.

    If boys and men demand banal sex, don't be surprised when girls give it to them. Don't blame the girls, blame the industry pimps who have created this CULTURE for their own PROFIT at the expense of everyones' sexual and emotional health, ESPECIALLY the health of young girls and boys - and blame the men who fund it. The porn industry has normalized pleasureless sex and acting. Teens want more than anything to fit in. So long as pimps and "their men/women" are given a status of celebrity, children will grow up mimmicking them rather than engaging in sex naturally.

    Also kids, especially from impoverished backgrounds, aren't generally mimmicking scientists or engineers or teachers or any other such noble occupation these days in the states, if that tells you anything.
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2017
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  19. Ellie90

    Ellie90 New Fapstronaut

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    I promise you, not everyone is engaging in coitus, fellacio, cunnalingus, and so on. And of those who are, I'd say at least half are probably not even enjoying it that much. Then you've got pregnancy and STDs and STIs, even injury sometimes..then there's criticism, jealousy, insecurity and so on. Our society has both ruined sex AND put it on a pedestal at the same time.

    Sex can be fun, and relaxing, but even those who are having sex a lot don't have a strictly fun or relaxing time. Don't be too envious. Marketers of products and entertainment prey on the human sex drive intentionally for profit. The scenarios they portray (i.e. always good, always easy, always fun, always sexy) are largely unrealistic. I know guys who "get pussy" a lot, but are extremely unhappy because they haven't been taught to forge longlasting or fulfilling relationships with other people, especially not with women, and still become extremely lonely sad and anxious or angry. Animals just want to fuck, but humans crave more companionship and intrigue that mere fucking can't provide.

    And there's nothing wrong with being inexperienced sexually or a virgin. Personally I think virgin men are very attractive potential mates, and I find inexperience to be really charming. I think most women do, and the idea of the "stud" being sexy is entirely fictitious.
     
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  20. Potato93

    Potato93 Fapstronaut

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    Yes, sorry, I wrote that when I was feeling really misguided and insecure.
    After reading everything you mentioned I totally agree with you. Regarding one of your statements:

    "If boys and men demand banal sex, don't be surprised when girls give it to them."

    I think here lies a problem that goes well further sex in general, mostly the point I wanted to bring with this thread, in which the banalization of the value of sex hides in.
    This being: "Self confidence, Information and education"

    I was really lucky of being born in a medium class family that gave me a good formation of these values and I could withstand this when I was in high school, that being said though, even me being a man I also suffered a lot with the over banalization of sex. I always were that kid that didnt do drugs, played with computers and left parties way before the expected ending time. I had friends in high school and college that shared this values with me, but we always felt that we were a minority. Again,

    "We all wanna get down, right? SO maybe if we estabilish a low value to sex, we can get more people to hop into it and we can get away with it more easily too."

    ^ This is what most of my ex classmates thought... (Boys)
    You think that satirical stuff you see in Todd Phillips movies are just a laugh, but kids try to replicate it to reality. Being that sex parties, ecstasy, heavy drinking (up to vomiting) and general agressive and superficial behavior.

    That's something most people are facing in high school and college. And its really hard to combat it. Why its hard? Because all of this things involves the values that are being tought by our society that will level up your status or reafirmation of personality.

    It has been like that since the 70s, maybe earlier. But I feel that it got stronger nowadays, maybe because of the internet and globalization of things, so even good or bad info can be shared more quickly. You can see the numbers, and that makes you question your values for being "abnormal".

    Eventually people grow and notice that... not everyone though... some ex classmates continue the same ones that I knew from high school.
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2017

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