Everyone is having sex! Not me!

majority of fapstronauts are Not having

 

My mindset has drastically changed about sex ever since I started nofap. I used to want to just have sex with anyone I could but now I value my virginity and am in no hurry to lose it. Short term sexual release is not a big deal. What I look forward to is finding a deep meaningful relationship with equality and mutual trust and understanding. Sex is great but should not be the basis of a relationship. Finding someone else to really share my life with and be open with is one of if not the greatest driving force and motivation in my life with sex just being an added bonus and after thought.

Very true society can be shit. Being a teenager in highschool myself, its really sad to see how people my age view sex... Have gotten no support from anyone irl with nofap but thats their loss. This stuff really works

 

Sorry but I'm "that girl"
The one who's gonna call you out on your bullshit.
So your sister had sex at 14. Another person (man or woman), who doesn't know your sister at all other than that she had sex at 14, would label your sister a slut. They would have no idea that she was peer-pressured into it. I imagine she's still sexually active today. Are you okay with people calling your sister a slut because she lost her virginity at 14? (I really hope not). So, why is it okay for you to label other (people) sluts? It's also probable they had similar situations like your sister. But that fact doesn't mean anything if people keep generalizing (other people) as sluts because of age, frequency of sex, and/or number of partners.
You can't get mad if people disrespect your sister based on what little they know about her if you are doing that yourself to other people's sisters.
If your sister is still sexually active and has told anyone else what you told us, some person out there has labeled her slut.

Food for thought.

 

What, that I'm a virgin? That I don't think "banal" sex is fulfilling but that women have as much a right to partake in it as men without being shamed for it?
Yeah of course I'm offended. I'm a woman and "slut shaming" is demeaning to us (and hurts men too)
A girl can be promiscuous but she is never a slut.
You didn't answer my question. Are you okay with people calling your sister a slut?

 

OK still not answering my question. Let's just say you aren't okay with people calling your sister a slut. Then don't call other people's sisters that. It's hypocritical and you don't know the women any more than strangers know your sister. And even if you tell me she's not promiscuous, it doesn't matter. Someone somewhere would call your sister a slut just based on the age she lost her virginity or because they hold a grudge against her/women. That's how generalizations work. Down with the word.

 

I'm really not. You let it sit with you awhile. I appreciate you liking my posts. Good luck with everything

 

I don't think being a virgin until now at 28 gave me any success, pride or anything positive.
It made me frustrated, lonely, isolated, and generally made me resentful of other people. It left my self-confidence dented as I couldn't feel like a normal, healthy guy. I feel undesired, unlovable, despite being a caring and good person. I deserve love and the affection that follows, but so far my chances are null. I'm the ambigually effeminate best friend at most to females. I did not chose this role in life, it was forced upon me. It hurts especially when my flatmates do the deed and I hear them. There are people that are far more negative, ore depressed, stupid or ugly than me, yet they lead healthy, rich sexual and love lives.

 

What hurts is not being a virgin, what hurts is your thinking around it. If you really want something, you need to get out there and get it. Don't be jealous of angry of the people around you, be happy for them if you care about them. Use your solitude to become stronger or make a plan and find yourself a lover. If this keeps hurting you I'd suggest going to a counselor. And remember, there are still lonely and hurt people even longer after they did the deed. That one thing doesn't mean much. It's like being jealous of people kissing, just more intimate of course.

 

I went out there - bars, discos, yoga classes, language courses, dance classes, meetups whatever, nothing worked. I was either avoided and ignored like the plague or considered only worthy as a platonic friend, but I was never enough for them to make things romantic. I've had enough with solitude, all 16 years of it.

 

Well, first of all if folks want to be a platonic friend. Take it and be grateful. Second of your, it's great that you're trying. Remember, successful people had to fail many many times before they achieved something. Love is no different. I know people who got rejected only 2x and others up to 30x before they found someone. I think it's not going to for you though as long as you have this hurtful attitude. I suggest you read "Feeling Good" Chapter 11 by David Burns and "Intimate Connections" by the same authors. Especially the 2nd will help you with dating. However, before you go out there and try to find someone, be happy with being alone. Being desperate pushes people away. I know it's not the best help, but remember to be grateful for what you have in life. Even if some things are missing.

 

Some things? Love and affection are the driving forces behind life. Without them your health suffers, I know this very well. Career, education, or how much your parents love you don't matter for quality of life that much. I am not 12 anymore, I have the need to be emotionally and sexually close to a female.

Well I don't find any common topics to discuss with female friends really, most of them couldn't care less about cars, WWE, etc. With a GF it's different, your connection and future aspirations together can circumvent the lack of other common interrests.

 

Mhh, well, tell me something. Why do you want a GF? Or sex? What do you promise yourself from that?

 

Because I would love to take care for someone. I would love to hold her in my arms and protect her. I would love to hold her hand and take a walk with her, see her smile and laugh. I would love to caress her and wake up next to her in the morning or go to sleep while hugging her. My self worth is directly connected to these things, you cannot understand if you're the typical guy that cares more about his career. I don't get my self worth from things like professional success or sports, I get it from giving protection and affection to someone. So it's no wonder why I cannot flourish and why my body is riddled with autoimmune things and various ailments. It's all due to being unwanted.