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Every. Single. Person. Can. Change.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by ReclaimedLife, Feb 1, 2019.

  1. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Any kind of workout is good. I am personally focussing on weight lifting when i have a gym and running usually once or twice a week, just to complement the weight lifting with some cardio and endurance training, it's very good for the heart and body.

    When i dont have a gym, i use my dumbells, do sit ups, pushups and pullups outside. I always screen my surroundings to find a bar i can do them on.

    Any well performed exercise is a good exercise.

    AthleanX has good advice on proper workout on Youtube.
     
    maradona10 likes this.
  2. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Dancing is the greatest way on this planet to meet high quality wamen and gives you almost instantly the feedback on whether you want to sleep with that girl or not. It's super strong, almost feels like cheating after you learned it.
    And i only had three lessons yet and have to get into the rythm and shit much more. But its so enjoyable and helps building a connection with a girl in the easiest way possible. I wanted to lead the dance right from the start, even without knowing any steps. That didn't work though xD. Gotta learn the steps, and then take the lead. Thats how it always works in life.

    Yeah, the good thing about dogs is, they give you an unfiltered feedback about the state you are in. They aren't false and mess around. If you are assertive and confident, they gladly submit, especially after you befriended their owner. I love this honest feedback.

    And thanks for wishing me success. I know what i want in my future, that makes it much easier to work for it. But i don't expect anything. I am trying to be as indifferent as i can on the outcome while putting all the work into becoming successful. I know it's like compound interest. The success will come eventually if i am patient.
     
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  3. whatrichme

    whatrichme Fapstronaut

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    Not knowing what kind of dance you do, I assume it's a partner dance.
    My cheat is, listen to the music, don't forget to breathe.

    For the Music, forget the notes, pay attention to the boss (the undertone, the beat) behind. Then let your whatever movements flows out of you. Just anything, don't try/push too hard. The girls love it.

    Breathing, i am much against certain yoga-like breathing patterns. Do that it kills sexual tension in dancing.
    Just don't forget to breathe. I have a partner that likes to breathe out into my ears. Enjoy the connection and get inspiration from the energy of your partner.
    Afterall, the steps are not important. The best experts dance like beginners. Those dance like experts are intermediates.

    David Deida's book helped me tremendously on how to lead. But I already know you read it and will ace it very soon.
    Keep it up!
     
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  4. thisisharry

    thisisharry Fapstronaut

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    Good to know you're ok now, Moreover, I have a friend who has almost issues like yours, and I've been seeing him changing.
     
    maradona10 likes this.
  5. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    My Teacher is showing me the waltz and the discofox at the moment. But even after having only danced 3 times with her, i already noticed that it is more about the moment and being present then anything slse. its important to get the steps down, but then just go with the music and enjoy the flow with whoever you are dancing with.
    I think we both think very similarly about dancing : )
     
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  6. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Almost issues like me? :D
     
  7. Jerry120

    Jerry120 Fapstronaut

    Great story bud! Thank you for sharing and taking the time to write all this. Awesome formatting also. :)

    Good luck in all your future endeavors!
     
  8. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    I just wanted to thank everyone in this forum. It helped me to get over one of the strongest difficulties in my life and opened up a new path of Life.

    Porn really is poison. Literally. But it feels that i learned everything i could possibly learn about this topic by now and while i am probably going to check in once in a while, i am generally going to focus on my Life outside of the computer. The forum was more or less the last thing i spend time with on my laptop outside of youtube when i had nothing better to do. But i will start my new Job soon and this will result in the fact that my free time is spend better with learning how to normally include girls in my life as well as building my character, career and finances up.

    I am still forever grateful for all the conversations i had on here, especially the private messages.
    A special shoutout to @0111zerozero11, @Digger, @Optimum Fortitude and @Exponential Power for giving me one of the best and funniest conversations i have had on here.

    I feel great and while i do masturbate once in a while, i can now easily get aroused just by touching myself, can masturbate slowly with a condom on while keeping an erection and decide myself how long i am generally going to last. I try to train around 20-40min every 2-3 weeks, and will continue doing so until i find a girl to sleep with, in which case i will stop completely.

    Knowing about the flatline helped dramatically and will also help in the future when the next flatlines will pop up.

    The porn memories have faded more every day, and i reckon they will be almost gone within one year, especially once i start having regular sex. All it is, is a matter of patience and willpower. And i have my real life friends to help with me wtih both. And the thought of having good sex with a girl i really enjoy being with is more then enough reason for me to never look at porn, ever again in my life. Sex is too beautiful to throw it away.

    All the best.
     
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  9. Jerry120

    Jerry120 Fapstronaut

    If you feel like you're conquering the P problem, challenge yourself to move on to PMO challenge. The hard mode has special benefits when it comes to putting you on the fast track to a reboot. With PMO your brain has absolutely no connection with your past. With the MO still on you may have some residual networks that may persist and pose a threat to your recovery. Being consistent is a big challenge as your move along. The confidence that accompanies a recovery may lead to complacency and that is the biggest enemy to a recovery.
     
  10. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Just a quick update.
    The Porn memories have become very rare by now, i am still using coconut oil before i am going to sleep to increase the sensitivity and am at around day 15 of NoFap on withing those 95 Days.

    The desire to watch porn is not even crossing my mind anymore at all.

    I don't see any change of behaviour from women whatsoever anymore, but it wasn't really bad after i came back from Australia.
    I moved to a big city, will start my new Job there on Monday and enlistet in the local toastmaster to improve my speaking skills, enlisted in a Bachata dancing class and will find myself a new gym within the next week as well.

    I am fully aware that i am still in danger of relapsing, especially when emotionally hurt by a woman, and that might never change.

    But i can still fight, knowing how the system works.
    I think the reason why people fail here is because they get overconfident, thinking they aren't vulnerable anymore. That is such a big mistake.
    We are always vulnerable, we are fighting nature here. Don't think you can beat nature if you don't have a strong mind and know that you are vulnerable.

    My initial point still holds true.
    If you want to enjoy your life, you must fight for it and make it happen yourself.
    Nobody will do it for you and the rest of the world won't give you what you want and dream for.
    We all have to work for it.

    I am also still suffering almost every day that i don't have any healthy intimate contact with a girl. The past memories haunt me way more then the porn does by now. But i will never go back to porn.

    Even if i can never find a girl again.

    I am not ruining the simple possibility to have a good time again.
     
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  11. ssha6451

    ssha6451 Fapstronaut

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    Really inspiring story.
    I have been trying my very hardest to change things.
    How did you deal with the pain of change?
    Those days when you are in so much anguish you feel like your soul is ripping.
     
  12. daniel45611

    daniel45611 New Fapstronaut

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    Great story. Such an inspiration ! Ive also been traveling in Australia while on nofap, it was great. When you get back home it kinda sucks, but youll get used to it :)
     
  13. WanderTruth

    WanderTruth Fapstronaut

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    thank you for sharing. great story. keep me from relapsing really :)))
     
  14. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Since every person experiences the pain of change differently, i can only tell you what happened to me and still happens to me. Maybe you can relate to that a little bit.

    So, there are only a few things that were ever really painful to me in my life, and every single one of those things were related to wamen.
    There has never been something that even comes close to this, when it comes to prolongued pain in my Life.
    I used to just numb the pain with Videogames, Porn and Television. But Videogames and Porn did by far the majority of the lifting when it came to relieve the pain.
    Of course making everything just worse in the long run. If i would have kept that up, i would have never had sex with a girl who i was interested in and who also wanted to sleep with me.
    Getting rid of Videogames and Porn fell a bit together to be honest. I knew about how bad the adddictions were for much longer and tried to quit on and off for years.
    It was only when i changed my Life by going to Australia and started challenging all my fears when real change in my personality occurred.
    I probably could have done this back at home, at least most of it. Just never had the mindset to do it there.

    And when i finally found a girl and did experience something i never thought possible, thats when i had the first cornerstone for never touching porn again.
    It was only after i came back home, she told me that she has a boyfriend now and just wanted us to be friends. I read all about this situation, watched everything that is to watch and everyone on the planet seemed to a agree that that shit is a terrible idea, so i ended the contact and removed all possibilities for us to ever talk again.
    But i didn't realize that this girl meant more to me than i thought and for the first time in a long time in my life i got weak and broke my own iron rules. I unblocked her started talking to her again and just made everything worse for me. Thank god she was mature enough to block me from her end after that. I really owe her for that, until this day.

    After the breakup, i cried for weeks, letting go of all my emotions, it really kept my from becoming full-on depressed.
    And doing Nofap on top of this is even worse. It intensifies the already horrible feelings of loss, anger and hopelessness.

    To me, this is really like fighting an all-out war. Either i am giving in and start watching porn again, or i will have to face the full wrath of my feelings whether i want to or not.

    What helps me tremendously at the moment is the following:

    I made friends with a really good looking girl that was totally my type and i had the courage to talk to at the gym.
    We share almost everything and i want to see if i can be friends with a girl in am sexually interested in, with her KNOWING that i am interested in this way.
    Awkwardly we are getting along pretty well, even though she made it clear that we will never be intimate, ever. Maybe this openness made the difference. At the beginning i still wished for us to sleep with each other, but that is gradually fading away. Now it is actually nice to have her in my life as a help.
    I already have 2 very close friends who i can talk to about everything that goes on in my Life. Sharing the pain with them is a tremendeous help. You need to have or find at least 1 person you can share everything with. That shit is so fkn important. This whole "Lone Wolf" shit is fkn bullshit. You still need a core circle of friends, and i would suggest you find people who are good for you.

    Do they listen?
    Are they judging you?
    Do they ask you how you are doing without you having to contact them all the time?

    I never stopped my regular life, how it would have continued after she broke up with me.
    I still kept doing my french, kept up my reading, learning and i am still going to the gym 3-5 times a week.
    But some days are real struggles, and on those days, it is important to push yourself to do those things as well.
    Even though i occasionally masturbated during my not using porn recovery, i never looked at any images, never watched porn and tried to fantasize as little as i could and then only with girls i know, having normal sex with them. And always used the smallest amount of pressure possible. I saw it more as a training for sex than anything else.

    And the rest is just pure willpower. I know that it will either be a successful life, with the eventuality of having sex with a girl i want to be with again at some point or falling back into what was a horrible existence, barely being able to call a life.

    It really feels like "Its either him or me", as if i would fight for my right to life against my dark Side.
    Strenghen your will-power and see what life has to offer for you. But be ready to get kicked while you are on the ground.
    Life is really about how much you can get beat up and still get up again.
    Its never about the easy time when you have a girl at your side, are successful in your job and buy the dreamcar you always wanted.
    All of those things come for people who got beaten up and still got up, over and over again.

    In conclusion:

    Find and utilize friends.
    Find daily healthy habits: Working out, Learning for your career, Dancing, reading, talking to your friends and eating healthy. I suggest cutting out sugar first.

    Know that however bad it will be, Life will always come it curves, some times are beautiful, some are awful, and your job is it do learn how to deal with the awful times and push through them.

    Again. I feel if i can do this motherfkn BS, and that is exactly what it is, everyone is capable to do this with the right mindset.
    And you can too.
     
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  15. a.b.c_starboy

    a.b.c_starboy Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing. I'm feeling so good and inspired from them. Wishing the best luck of you.
     
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  16. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    just a quick reminder for everyone. You really must ignore the 90 day rule. That is just for hard mode. If you want to keep that up, great, if not also great. Just never, ever go back to porn. It's not the masturbation that fucks you up. It's porn that does it.

    I switched to hard mode by now and will try it on top of the abstinence from porn.
    But not watching porn is already just a regular part of my Life, just like not eating sugar.
    The only difference is that i will eat sugar und drink alcohol under very rare and specific circumstances, both only related to either meeting someone i havent seen in forever or when i achieve a personal goal.

    You guys gotta have the will to push through the depression. And that shit will come. If you aren't prepared for it, that shit might break your streak. Play videogames, Go see friends, go work out and do shit you enjoy normally, even if you cannot enjoy it at the time.

    Take in consideration that while you are in a depression, most likely everything you do will feel like shit. So do something that feels the best at the time, just try to never watch porn or do a similar activity, like using a prostitute or an escort, which both are a similar cheap way out of this.
     
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  17. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    There is some real gold here. Great to hear these updates!

    I'm nearly 30 and have had a limited experience with girls myself, this story just hit home for me mate. Thank you :)
     
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  18. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    great post, all ReclaimedLife., great story, make your own magic adventure
     
    maradona10 likes this.
  19. KatieWebber

    KatieWebber New Fapstronaut

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    I fully agree that everything can change
     
  20. This man said battle plan this part made me even more happy for u at this point in your story
     
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