Hello everybody - I google searched escort addiction, and I saw a variety of threads posted on these forums related to the subject, so I decided to make an account to see if anyone could help me or just share their experiences on how they are dealing with this problem if they suffer as well. I have been using escorts for the past four years. How I got into this mess consists of a variety of things, but I'd say loneliness for sure is what drove me over the edge. When I was a lurker, back in the Backpages days, I was very hesitant and anxious about being set up by law enforcement or getting robbed when close to pulling the trigger and setting up an appointment. The first time I ever used an escort I didn't care anymore about the risks. I felt like I had absolutely nothing to lose. From there it was like opening up Pandora's box, and I haven't been able to close it since. I can go months without seeing an escort, but when I get stressed about something or angry, I initially will start searching through listings. Once I start searching through listings it's pretty certain I will end up seeing someone. At my worst I have seen three different escorts in one day. I have been robbed three to four times, but it hasn't stopped me, because I get so desperate at times the idea of getting robbed or hurt doesn't phase me. I don't have any STD's (knock on wood), but I do get paranoid after seeing some of these women. Afterwards, in my mind, I feel like I have contracted something even though I use protection every time. Lately I have been obsessing if I have HPV, since it is so easy to contract, and for most people they don't experience any symptoms. Just about 15 mins ago I set up and appointment to see an escort, but I am trying to muster the will power not to go. Over the last three days I have been so obsessive, spending countless hours searching for a girl to see. I get so lonely I just end up texting everyone listed just to have some type of interaction with them. I have made many promises to God that I would stop doing this, and I have broken each promise leaving my self-esteem more crushed each time. I wouldn't say I am a bad person - when I see these women I am respectful. Sometimes it really isn't about the sex; I just want to talk, and I don't feel pressured like I do in normal social events to make good impressions with everyone. With these women I can just be myself and not care - I don't overanalyze everything I say and do. The thing is, I know most of these women get trapped in this life. I have visited beautiful women, and I could see on their arms they were self harming with all the scars they had. A lot of these women have traumatic pasts, and I feel like I am making things worse for them. There are few who do it just for the sheer fact the money is too good, and it affords them a life a 9-5 just wouldn't be able to provide for them. Just a minute ago I started to cry because I don't want to do this anymore, but I crave the interaction with these women so bad. I get very insecure that I'll never touch a woman again if I abandon seeing escorts - I just don't feel worthy. Growing up I had a very abusive childhood that destroyed me mentally. I have a very hard time connecting with people because I am so closed off. Couple that with naturally being an introvert makes things almost impossible for me to attract a partner. That is all for now. Hopefully I can hold out tonight, and maybe if I start feel a strong urge I'll come back and post something else to try and distract my mind. Thank you for reading.