Escort problem

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Origin32, Apr 22, 2019.

  1. Origin32

    Origin32 Fapstronaut

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    Hello everybody -

    I google searched escort addiction, and I saw a variety of threads posted on these forums related to the subject, so I decided to make an account to see if anyone could help me or just share their experiences on how they are dealing with this problem if they suffer as well.

    I have been using escorts for the past four years. How I got into this mess consists of a variety of things, but I'd say loneliness for sure is what drove me over the edge. When I was a lurker, back in the Backpages days, I was very hesitant and anxious about being set up by law enforcement or getting robbed when close to pulling the trigger and setting up an appointment.

    The first time I ever used an escort I didn't care anymore about the risks. I felt like I had absolutely nothing to lose. From there it was like opening up Pandora's box, and I haven't been able to close it since.

    I can go months without seeing an escort, but when I get stressed about something or angry, I initially will start searching through listings. Once I start searching through listings it's pretty certain I will end up seeing someone.

    At my worst I have seen three different escorts in one day. I have been robbed three to four times, but it hasn't stopped me, because I get so desperate at times the idea of getting robbed or hurt doesn't phase me. I don't have any STD's (knock on wood), but I do get paranoid after seeing some of these women. Afterwards, in my mind, I feel like I have contracted something even though I use protection every time. Lately I have been obsessing if I have HPV, since it is so easy to contract, and for most people they don't experience any symptoms.

    Just about 15 mins ago I set up and appointment to see an escort, but I am trying to muster the will power not to go. Over the last three days I have been so obsessive, spending countless hours searching for a girl to see. I get so lonely I just end up texting everyone listed just to have some type of interaction with them.

    I have made many promises to God that I would stop doing this, and I have broken each promise leaving my self-esteem more crushed each time. I wouldn't say I am a bad person - when I see these women I am respectful. Sometimes it really isn't about the sex; I just want to talk, and I don't feel pressured like I do in normal social events to make good impressions with everyone. With these women I can just be myself and not care - I don't overanalyze everything I say and do.

    The thing is, I know most of these women get trapped in this life. I have visited beautiful women, and I could see on their arms they were self harming with all the scars they had. A lot of these women have traumatic pasts, and I feel like I am making things worse for them. There are few who do it just for the sheer fact the money is too good, and it affords them a life a 9-5 just wouldn't be able to provide for them.

    Just a minute ago I started to cry because I don't want to do this anymore, but I crave the interaction with these women so bad. I get very insecure that I'll never touch a woman again if I abandon seeing escorts - I just don't feel worthy. Growing up I had a very abusive childhood that destroyed me mentally. I have a very hard time connecting with people because I am so closed off. Couple that with naturally being an introvert makes things almost impossible for me to attract a partner.

    That is all for now. Hopefully I can hold out tonight, and maybe if I start feel a strong urge I'll come back and post something else to try and distract my mind.

    Thank you for reading.
     
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  2. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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    OP.

    We are sympathetic to your pain, and are here in full support of you.

    Onwards, and upwards.
     
  3. TopGun777

    TopGun777 Fapstronaut

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    Going to escorts is dangerous not only for physical diseases but for energy ones, too. You can search more on that topic. You said that some of these girls have had bad past - the possibility they have bad energy in them is big.

    And during sex, the energy exchange is the biggest. So you can receive a lot of their emotional baggage.

    The better way is to start working on yourself to be a whole and not searching for something external to add to you.
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2019
  4. TroubledLoner

    TroubledLoner Fapstronaut

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    Good luck. I’ve been through your situation. I’ve always been socially awkward and wanted to be with a woman. One day I visited a “massage parlor” where I lived and it was downhill from there. It was far easier for me to drop the money than make an effort and risk rejection from a non-pro woman. After 2 years or so, I was left with virtually no savings and a great deal of shame (which I self-medicated by going to see an escort. See where this is going?)
    Ironically, being broke helped me kick the escort habit. I started doing things like automatically transferring part of my paycheck every month into an account that I cannot access with an ATM, so I won’t impulsively go on another binge. I have my credit cards set up so that I cannot get cash advances. I do what I can to give myself time to think about my actions.
    I really hope your situation improves. It sounds trite, but my thoughts and prayers are with you.
     
  5. Origin32

    Origin32 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you too everyone who responded. I made it through the night without seeing anyone, but I went back to the website I use another couple of times to check if the girl I saw a few days ago had posted again. Who knows if I would have went through with seeing her if she posted, but the main thing was I didn't see anyone.

    I feel a lot calmer today, and am not filled with all the energy of being pulled to the right and left of seeing someone. Hopefully from here I can make go forward without caving in again. When I get angry or stressed I need to find a new way to cope - once I resolve this maybe I'll be able to overcome this for good.

    The dangerous thing about seeing escorts is that after doing it the first time, and for all intents and purposes it's successful (intercourse), the initial fear is removed and is turned into an excitement. This is why having time on my hands is a negative, because it leads to boredom and loneliness, which ultimately leads to me having ideas about women and wanting to spend time with one. Knowing that if I have a few hundred bucks can give me access to a beautiful woman has made the problem very difficult to plug.

    It's always hard to deal with a situation when you know something is spiritually wrong, but your carnal desires trumps that spiritual instinct anyways, especially immediately afterwards of seeing an escort. It can be the worst feeling ever when you have held out for such a long time, and end up falling back into the habit once again.
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2019
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  6. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    I currently feel loneliness and I have desirds to see escort just for some female companionship and intimacy. I understand you fam.

    You mentioned God, I don't know if you are practicing or not, but my tip is to focus less and more on practice. You may feel better and more connected instead of feeling like a failiure from broken promises.
     
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  7. Pureplecity

    Pureplecity Fapstronaut

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  8. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    I keep seeing these posts and for many of the pa, the escort addiction is a little more complex than basic pmo... but I am there too. Massage, escort, prostitute, hooker, even live sex shows, done it all and find it’s a little more difficult to treat. I wish there was a group for us. Maybe someone can start it.

    But, I think like most things and like @TroubledLoner says, you need to feel the pain of the problem. You spend just a little each time then you numb yourself to the pain and it’s cost. It would almost be better to spend a lot and hate hate hate it.

    Or tally up how much you have spent and put a value to it. For example I have spent close 20k. I can see a car that I like and go damn I should have that car. Now I am giving myself additional motivation to replace the debt with a serious want.

    There’s things that escorts do, I think the danger is that they aren’t clingy, don’t have to talk to you the next day, don’t have to like you. That is all power and control related for us. We like that. I had two escorts this week and would say starting the no pmo has helped. I don’t desire it as much as before.

    Also get an AP. Dude mine has really been helpful. Plus I’m from a religious background and find just having a place to speak without criticism is super important to activating or reactivating the conscience.
     
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  9. Origin32

    Origin32 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, brah. I went to see the Reverend of the church I belonged to as a child today. I pretty much just laid everything out in Reconciliation. I also asked him if God ever gets to a point where He won't forgive you for breaking so many promises. This was the idea I struggled with the most, because every time I made a promise a month later I was right back on listings looking for girls to see. My Reverend said that as long I am genuinely apologetic for the transgression I am forgiven upon asking.

    I'm not the super religious type. Over the last twenty some years I have been a non-practicing Catholic, but the overwhelming emptiness, sadness and immorality I feel after seeing these women is something I have to stop ignoring. The tricky part is when my mind gets in that zone, and I have all these sexual images in my head, accompanied with the thoughts I could be experiencing all the sensuality in the matter of minutes I end up caving in.

    The immediate pleasure overrides my promises.

    Now that I am clean from the past hopefully I can maintain.

    Thanks, man. I'll check this out.

    Hey man,

    I agree. The escort problem, for me, has been way more problematic than PMO. I usually can go with very long streaks of resisting PMO if escorts are involved. The thing that makes escorts so difficult to overcome for me is the variety of women and the easy access. Once I see pictures of an escort I'm attracted to it is accompanied with tons of fantasy scenarios, and knowing that I can fulfill them with one phone call, I end up carrying the fantasies out in reality.

    Usually, after I leave from seeing an escort, and feel like shyt, I always think about how much money I have spent, and what I could have done with that money if I had saved it. I could have my car paid off, be carrying very little debt, but the emotions of excitement have always absorbed my reasoning abilities to how much better off I'd be if I stopped with all of this.

    When I was an independent contractor years ago I took all the money I was supposed to pay in taxes and spent it on escorts. When I first start using their services it was the most exhilarating thing I had ever experienced. I used to see escorts on my lunch breaks at work; I would go to the bathroom at work at spend up to 45 mins just going though listings trying to find someone I was really attracted to.

    When I had easy access to synthetic opioids I found the sessions with escorts very euphoric. The combination of the high and the sex was the ultimate experience. The sessions would last for a good while, because the high would suppress the erotic/anxious feeling that makes you orgasm quickly, and I could fulfill all the fantasies in my mind - feeling satisfied upon leaving. Reflecting on these past experiences floods the brain with so much eustress you just want to do it again.

    I'll look into the AP. The Reverend at my church told me the schedule another appointment with him to follow up on my situation, so I have that avenue to go down as well.

    Thanks for the reference.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2019
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  10. TopGun777

    TopGun777 Fapstronaut

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    Until you stop this anymore and pay the price of your deeds, nothing will be forgiven fully.

    Karma is karma...
     
  11. Origin32

    Origin32 Fapstronaut

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    I should be alright. I'm human. This is my struggle.

     
  12. TopGun777

    TopGun777 Fapstronaut

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    You have the power within. You just need to use it.
     
  13. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    Well, your reverend was correct. Divine mercy is infinite and Saint Thomas Aquinas described hell as a state when a soul willingly choses sin over God's mercy. Addict is not a person with complete free will so you can't choose your action like a normal person can. You have to keep the good fight. Saint Augustine was a whoremonger for years and he won over this.

    There was a good movie called Silence about persecuted catholics in XVIIth century Japan. Three main characters were two jesuits and a local christian. One of the jesuits was real hero, a titan of faith able to overcome every temptation or suffering and was not afraid of death. 1 in 1 000 000 000 type of a person. Second jesuit was very proud and confident about himself, but he was not as strong as he thought and his first fall left him a broken man. The japanese christian at fist glance was a miserable figure. He was complulsive sinner, falling constantly and he was a big coward for a first glance. BUT that guy was keep going, and he never ever stopped despite how fearful and weak he was. He was standing again after every fall. That was inspiring.

    Reconciliation is a good practice. Except for spiritual benefit it requires you to confront your weakness. When I started do this more often I was gaining strength and since last one there was no PMO.

    If you like to chat about faith, message me. I am layperson, but I know something about theology, I can recommend a lecture or a practice.

    Keep going. I am also in very dark place. I accidenty sissified myself and now I struggle with desire to have gay sex, while wearing lingerie and thinking about myself as a woman. I was always straight. Sissification contains lots of hypnosis and mind control, you don't even know when you are crossing the line. The good news is that it fades so I am optimistic.
     
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  14. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut


    Thankfully this community is quite deep.

    I have never heard of anything like you decribed here. Thank you.
     
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  15. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    I feel happy to help.
     
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  16. Origin32

    Origin32 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for taking the time to share this with me.

    It's interesting you brought up Saint Augustine, because I was reading yesterday how he was addicted to women before coming to the Lord. That brought me a great deal of comfort - if one of the most important Catholic's who ever lived suffered the same inflection, and was able to be forgiven, then why can't I be? The good Reverend recommended I read his Confession's, which luckily I have a copy of.

    Thanks for your support - I will definitely follow up.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2019
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  17. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    I haven't read Confessions but this is a great read afaik. Good and relatable choice for your situation.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2019
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  18. Sharksvv

    Sharksvv Fapstronaut

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    I won’t list my entire story but I had an escort problem myself for a number of years, 20+ women easy.

    What you mentioned about getting robbed though? Never happened to me, I don’t advise you to see escorts but if you absolutely can’t control yourself don’t go to the ones on websites like backpage, get ones who are actually professional and by that I mean who have their own websites. This is how you don’t get robbed or arrested.

    But again don’t do it, it’s a vicious cycle and you’re only setting yourself back further and further.
     
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  19. Origin32

    Origin32 Fapstronaut

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    You would think after getting robbed I would have stopped lol, but after stopping my escort escapades for a short while each robbery I was right back at it. The first time I got robbed I was still learning this game, and was stupid enough to go to someones private residence. I responded to an escort who was located in the city, and shortly upon arriving she walked me upstairs, I sat on the bed and she immediately made a phone call, which was a huge red flag for me. She was pretending she was on the phone with a friend, and when the conversation ended she said he would be arriving in an hour and a half, so our appointment would be over before he arrived.

    As we were both in the bed talking (I am fully naked by the way) I start to hear all of these people outside of the room, and a I ask what all the noise is. She tells me it's her roommates, and I shouldn't be concerned, but I knew she was lying, and the potential for something fuk'd up could happen to me. After we finished having sex she immediately left the room, and I saw all of the people who were outside of the room, and knew I was screwed. There were about ten gang bangers, all bigger than me, sitting and standing out there, waiting for her to come out.

    So, like the dumbass I am, I continue to just sit in the bed naked - too nervous to move. She comes back into the room acting frantic searching for something, I get sketched out, and tell her I'm about to leave. She then looks at me, tells me I am not going anywhere, and claims I stole her purse. Now, keep in mind this is impossible, because I never once left the room or got up from the bed once I entered the house.

    I forgot exactly what happened when she told me after she said I wasn't going anywhere, but I do remember asking her how in the fuk could I have stolen her purse when I never left the room? Our voices started to rise from the argument over what happened to the purse, and the whole gang of thugs sitting out in the living room just bursted through the door and asked me what the fuk I was doing, and why I was making all the noise? Luckily I had gotten dressed before they barged into the room, and the escort told them I stole her purse. I knew they were lying about this, and trying to set me up so they could extract more money from me.

    After she told them I stole her purse I told them I didn't, but I would give them the rest of the cash in my car if they let me leave, and they agreed. One of the guys walked me down to my car, and I remember as I was walking past the gang of dudes one of them said they liked my shoes and asked me where I got them lol. So, me and this guy walk to my car together, I give him left over $300 dollars I had brought, he takes it, the escort hugs me before I shut my car door and says she's sorry she had to do this, and I left.

    I always ask myself what would have happened if my checks were getting direct deposited at that time, and I had no extra cash on me? Would they have let me go? I was at some random place in the city, and nobody in my personal life knew where I was. I have read tons of stories about how people meeting up off of sketchy websites, like Backpages, end up getting murdered in the process. This encounter definitely could have turned out catastrophic if that extra money not had been in my car.

    The second time I got robbed could have ended up bad as well. It was after work, and I really wanted to see someone. I started looking through listings from my phone, and came across this add I really liked, so I called, set an appointment up, and was on my way. The location was at a higher standard motel by an airport. I got up to the room number from the person behind the phone number, walk to the room, knock, and the door opens. The room was pretty dark, and person who opened the door was shielding themself with the door for the most part, so I could barely see who it was, but like an idiot I walked in.

    The person shuts the door, and I swear it was a dude with a wig on - not the person in the add at all. From there I start going into a crisis internally, and begin to ask how I can make it out of there. I tried to delay anything bad from happening by holding my composure to not get the person who opened the door worked up. I asked if anyone else was in the room, and if I could check the bathroom? The individual obliged, but with hesitation, and let me look. I opened the door, flicked the light switch on, and saw someone hiding behind the shower curtain in the bathtub.

    I turned the light back off, shut the door, and the person started to act real concerned asking if everything was OK? For some reason I said I had to leave, because I had to be somewhere, and didn't know how late it was, and they blocked the door and asked me to stay. From there I just gave the person the money for the 30 mins I scheduled, to prevent the person in the bathroom from coming out, and they let me out.

    After all this I still never stopped setting up appointments with escorts. I guess this is proof I may have sort of problem?
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2019
  20. Sharksvv

    Sharksvv Fapstronaut

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    Honestly you’re just not being smart, like I said. If you can’t control yourself why don’t you at least arrange appointments with high end escorts? You know it’s a low class, dirty and dangerous situation if you’re seeing an escort in a motel or even a hotel tbh.

    Majority of high clsss escorts host directly out of their own condos, they have legitimate websites with photos, about themselves, they are also low clientele, they don’t have sex every single day like the cheap ones who are having sex with 50+ men a day, high class escorts have sex with 2-3 men a week at most. Now again I’m not suggesting you see escorts you should just stop but if you can’t control yourself and for your own safety spend the extra money for a high class escorts.
     
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