Enough is Enough....

Hi guys i'm new here, i'm a 32 years old male, i have a masturbation addiction, i have been masturbating since 1996 when i caught two adults in my neighbourhood having sex, i was just a 11 year old teen then. Till 8 years i started, i didn't face any ill effects of it until my grades started slipping, i couldn't concentrate on my studies i couldn't concentrate on anything soon it became difficult to achieve the most simple goals that i set myself. I became more and more retracted, i always stayed in my room,almost never went out much, all i could think was fapping and porn all the time, i interacted with people less, started losing interests in friends and family. Social anxiety set in, it felt awkward to talk interact with people, i lost my ability to speak with girls any girl i thought pretty (most of the girls i met), i'm socially a cripple, it become more evident when i had to give a seminar on project i was working on, in front of fully packed auditorium of 200 peoples, words just literally stopped coming out of my mouth. I tried to stop fapping many a times but failed miserably, for the slightest provocation i fapped, a provocative ad on tv, a hot cleavage of a gal on a billboard on the road side, i even once fapped to a bra and panty hanged on cloth line to dry after wash.

From 10 years i started experiencing fatigue, weakness, will to get out of bed, blurry vision, lack of strength and stamina, i even fapped when i was sick and ran a fever, one such time i collapsed from exhaustion right after fapping, i was admitted to hospital and was declared severely anemic, i made it for a week and stopped fapping and pushed an additional 3 weeks till i couldn't stop the urges anymore withdrawal was brutal and resumed to fap again.

I read in some forums that a healthy interactive relationship with friends and family could remedy favouring my problems, overcoming my social anxiety and failing numerous times i finally started to have a stable relationship with a girl and sometimes i could barley talk to her without blabbing like an idiot and for a brief period my fapping frequency had reduced and varied to once a week sometimes once a month and my gf was clingy which kept me busy most of my time, one day i decided to take my relationship to next level, i tried to have a physical relation with my gf and i noticed i'm suffering from premature ejaculation things started to fall apart and we drifted eventually and broke up. I later went on to depression and was on medication for few years, even had suicidal thoughts once.

Later on my health condition has started to deteriorate , i'm suffering from, panic attacks, severe anxiety, insomnia, chronic indigestion and constipation. sometimes it feels as if life seems not worth living anymore, i don't know fapping is cause of all the problems i mentioned above, but i sure feel it is, until last week for a millionth time again i have started at an attempt not masturbate...again. and also seeking help online from people who walked in my shoes and have now started to "Get a new grip on life" and support my fellow fappers and fill them with courage and strength so they too can "Get a new grip on life".


P.S : English is not my first language so please for give my grammatical mistakes






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Thanks for the warm welcome
My current strategy is
1) Identifying what triggers PMO in me, in my case spending time in front of PC, thinking too much about Ex's, provocative thoughts.

2) Avoiding mentioned triggers, spending less time or non in front of PC, blocking provocative thoughts,

It's been 2 weeks and l'm feeling withdrawal symptoms strongly, I'm constantly in irritable mood, strong vivid provocative thoughts, constant fatigue and weaknesses, mild headaches

I don't when I might relapse

Any suggestions to combat my situation?

 

As you said i have been trying to talk to someone but its difficult to find someone who doesn't look at me in a certain manner of disgust, non in family and friends.

I did try to talk to a mental health counselor, here PMO addiction is not considered as a serious problem, he even told me that masturbation does not have any direct effect on my physical well being and all the problem that i thought masturbation is responsible is just my misconception.

 

Yes talking helps....But cant have someone by my side all the time.

Something bad happened today and i feel depressed, i want to escape how bad i feel right now....thought's of relapsing are knocking loudly at my minds doorstep

 

This link is very good, very useful...Thanks, I'm bookmarking it