Endless Void: Pornography, Masturbation, Sexual Illicit Behavior

So this is my story,

I started watching porn when I was 10 years old. It was a CD left by my teenage brothers at that time and seeing that the graphical illustrations are good, I played it in our DVD player. Little do I know that it would feed the uncontrollable desire of lust within me.

A year later, I started masturbating. I am not masturbating on porn, quite thankful about it, but I do have lots of perverted thoughts going on my mind. Almost every day, for 10 years straight, I cannot remember a day when I did not masturbate. It felt good, it felt really good. Unknowingly, I am sinking into an addiction that I would resent later on in life.

I had my first sexual experience when I was 14 years old. The relationship lasted only for 6 months, but I cannot deny the fact that I don’t really love the girl, but rather, I love the pleasure she is bringing in. From that point on, every relationship that I had was tinted with such sexual greed. At first, it was a healthy relationship, but because of my sexual demand (mainly because of watching porn), the relationship would dwindle down. I would become discontented with the relationship and would jump to another, and another, and another. I’m such a disrespectful young man and would mercilessly break the heart of every girl that I will court.

Upon realizing, I think one of my problems is the fact that I always equate relationship with sexual pleasure. I’ve been in so much sexual illicit behavior that at times I find it even difficult to control myself even in public.

That is why I joined this community. I want to shed light into this problem hoping to break free from the destructive habit of porn and masturbation. I did relapse for 97 days straight once. But it never repeated. I need help. A community of people that will support me through my journey. To the journey of freedom. For me, for my future one, and my future children.

Thank you NoFAP for this community. I believe that you are making a difference to make this world a brighter place.