Embracing my shadow

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Romeo's Shadow, May 18, 2018 at 7:19 AM.

  1. Romeo's Shadow

    Romeo's Shadow Fapstronaut

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    I am a 32y old. Been living in Uk for 6 years, originally from Transylvania (Romania) and I have been plagued by FAP ing since I was 16. And this is my story.
     
  2. Romeo's Shadow

    Romeo's Shadow Fapstronaut

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    DAY 0 The only thing I fear the most is that I won't be worthy of my sufferings.

    Lately, every time I indulge in Fap-ing is harder and harder to recover and build myself up. I found it difficult to feel any positiveness in my life, especially on the second day, like today.
    If I do not find a way to eradicate this destructive habit out of my life, I am afraid the gates to depression are opening to me. I am constantly trying to focus my daily activities as productive as I can all to no avail. I have to admit this is my third thread. In the first two, I failed miserably, I could not keep up with my abstinence more than 4-5 days before I fell into temptation and plunge into 2-3 consecutive strokes of Fap-ing.
    I give myself one more chance.
     
  3. wearefamily87

    wearefamily87 Fapstronaut

    Energy goes up, just hold on... you know how this works!! can't trust your mind during those days... cold analytical approach needed!!!
    It will pass day 10 and you will feel great!
    Let's go!!! :)
     
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  4. Romeo's Shadow

    Romeo's Shadow Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate the motivational words, they mean a lot to me I surely do want to exceed 10 plus. But as you said let's take them one by one.
    We are in this together.
     
  5. Romeo's Shadow

    Romeo's Shadow Fapstronaut

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    Second Day.
    The sun is shining over the London sky and it's Saturday, so many reasons to go out and enjoy the frenzy of the city.

    But I feel disconnected with all this light and this does not come from a place of sadness but from a though of power, that I never consciously believed my enlightenment will progress if I dedicated my spare time into common socializing. I am not referring here to social anxiety. Or, maybe I always thought, deep inside me, that I am better than my friends and I am wasting my time trying to integrate into someone else's values, like the group norm. Simply put it, I find that the advancement of my being is closely connected with my loneliness. And yes it's my decision to stray away from the pack. Isolation is a gift that only a few us are consciously aware and powerful enough to employ it on their own accord.

    Stay strong and never befallen to your impulses. ;)
     
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  6. Romeo's Shadow

    Romeo's Shadow Fapstronaut

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    Well the miracle did not even last 3 days. Last night I Fap-ed massively,and one more time, now in the morning. I am ashamed of myself. :(

    I ve notice I am more prone to recover and encourage myself after these shamefull recurrences better then before, which tells me I am not developing a resitance but instead I become more placid with the whole story. The recovery process is becoming part of the norm and with it the probability that I will Fap again. :(( :(( maybe I am not ready yet. I haven't hit rock bottom.
     
  7. wearefamily87

    wearefamily87 Fapstronaut

    Nevermind, let's go, every hour counts.
     
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  8. Romeo's Shadow

    Romeo's Shadow Fapstronaut

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    One step at the time, Day 1, here we go again.

    For years I was let to believe that my hormonal appetite needed somehow to be tamed and thus I formed this subjective principle that I have to ejaculate, otherwise I will not be able to function properly, or at very least I will not be able to focus, or to an extreme stance, I will unleash myself upon a girl and rape her or something along those lines.
    You guys know what I am talking about, is that fear that you won't be able to refrain yourself when you are mildly sexual arouse, like dancing with a girl or having a normal friendly talk with a hot girl.
    Yesterday, this dude on Youtube (ripped as fuck with a body build on steroids) was mocking the NoFap community based on the above lines, that he needs to jerk one off otherwise he is a peril to himself and society. Like, he is this God of Masculinity and for him, the only way to act normal and to fit into the regular social lifestream can only be achieved when he has his balls empty. I emphasised with him, on some level, as I saw myself couple of months ago with the same attitude regarding the Fap-ing endeavour. I had the same concept that Fap-ing was mandatory and was need it for a normal behaviour conduct.
    As much as I wanted to burst out and lash at him by viciously commenting his obscure view of the issue, I reconciled myself and I thought, maybe he did not hit rock bottom yet. The road to enlightenment, sort of speak, will be lighted whit lucidity when you are facing depression and sorrow. Maybe each and one of us has his own journey and the understanding of his manifestations through his behaviour are not matched by his constructive reality.

    ''One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious''

    C. Jung
     
  9. wearefamily87

    wearefamily87 Fapstronaut

    Well, yeah, it's weird... for example Conor McGregor said he has lots of sex and even before tournaments... and I think we agree that he seems intelligent.
    Yet, it's proven and well known fact, that ejaculating is draining energy.
    But Conor said it's only what you believe and that's what it is...
    Wonder what he thinks about NoFap, but I don't really care.
    I'd rather live what's proven on my terms, than believe what I KNOW is NOT true.
     

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