Ejaculation to a prostitute

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by mik555, Mar 19, 2019.

  1. mik555

    mik555 Fapstronaut

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    My Fapstronaut friends,

    Yesterday I completed my 28th day without PMO (Although I have to admit that I watched quite a few images, and that would be P). I say yesterday, because I spent all the day f*cking wanting to have sex or at least have any encounter to do something sexual. I hit the gym in the morning, felt absolutely alright, but then when I got home I felt those strong urges. It wasn't the first time, but yesterday was crazy. So I browsed escort pages for most of the day, not yielding. But in the late evening, or should I say early morning, since it was 1 am, I let this girl come to my house.

    I ejaculated literally after 15 seconds (not even sex) and this morning I felt a little drained but not that much.

    I know it's a mistake, but the urges were so strong. Sooo strong guys. And I want to highlight that I am a 21 year old student/part time worker in London. But I'm not from London, I'm Italian. This I think it's a bad environment for me since I don't have my family and friends here, so most of the time I'm alone in my room.

    I lasted 28 days and I'm proud, and I don't feel guilty for what happened yesterday, I went beyond my power and this time I'll go much longer.

    Should I reset my timer to 0? Should I exclude "orgasm" from the bar that shows what I'm astaining from?

    Please feel free to comment any thought, advice, anything.
     
  2. MusicMakingMonk

    MusicMakingMonk Fapstronaut

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    I don't think being obsessed with the day tracker is ever a good idea. If you feel you made progress you made progress and you're winning.
    By resetting, even after a "victory" of sorts, you'll feel like you lost, and this in turn might cause negative emotions which is a big reason why people then go on to binge.

    You're making progress man, keep getting after it. Forget the days, they'll hold you back.
     
  3. To be honest, id say its time to reset or at least change your counter goals. An orgasm is an orgasm, so itbwouldnt be acutwye to keep it as is, plus you also said that you browsed images too, so technically the no porn isnt entirely accurate either
     
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  4. wingman01

    wingman01 New Fapstronaut

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    I think the whole point of PMO is to make you seek out sexual interactions with other human beings. Even if it was with an escort I think what you did was perfectly ok. I think escorts and prostitutes are fine if they are women who made that choice for themselves. Business is business.
     
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  5. GeorgeJetson

    GeorgeJetson Fapstronaut

    First off @mik555, congratulations on your success. 28 days is absolutely amazing and I'm definitely proud of you. Like others have mentioned, being obsessed about the timer could be highly discouraging and ultimately hinder your spirits towards recovery. I allowed my self to be consumed by the timer and as a result disapeared from this community on numerous occasions. This time, I'm focusing my energy on progress rather than a timer.

    I'm a married man and don't necessarily struggle with the O part since my wife and I still enjoy our intimate moments together. P is not necessarily a major problem at this point either, however, P leads me to my overwhelmingly consuming addiction of masturbating for random women during online video chatting. I also utilize mobile apps for this purpose as well. This obsession has consumed my life in an unmanageable fashion. That being said, everybody is different and we all have a different set of needs. My best advice is that you get 100% honest with yourself about what you must cut out. Though I said P is not something I'm consumed with, I choose not to engage because it leads me directly to my addiction of online video chat and masturbation.

    I would also suggest finding some activities or hobbies to get involved with. I know you mentioned being alone a lot without your family and friends. This may be the perfect opportunity to get out and meet people through other means like art classes, exercise groups, running/biking clubs, or even book clubs. I'm sure you could find some resources that provide lists of groups anybody can join. Doing so would keep you busy and lessen the amount of time you have up in your own head.

    Lastly, continue updating this community on your progress. Let us know what is working and what isn't. Being an active participant always makes me feel better and helps me experience freedom from my addiction. Again, congrats on your successes and I'm looking forward to hearing more from you.
     
    mik555 likes this.
  6. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    I cant second this enough. So much is based on the day counter which is not productive. It would be better to measure over time, how much did you do this last 2 weeks compared to the previous 2 weeks. Or months.

    What does the trend line look like?

    As far as resetting, that's up to you. You can look at things separately or together. Separately might be easier to measure and see wins from in order to motivate you.
    Together, over all is more of a holistic view where you're asking yourself how am I doing overall and am i using sex in any way to hide from some feelings i dont want to feel.
     
    mik555 likes this.
  7. You are your judge, man. What do you think you should do?
     
  8. RAWMagic

    RAWMagic Fapstronaut

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    Mik,

    I think it's weak to not be honest with yourself. You are strong Mik. Strong and proud.

    I would reset the counter or remove 'Orgasm'. But ultimately it's on you to be true to your goals. Today I used porn and masturbated several times. I have reset that counter.

    It won't stop me beginning again, and it certainly won't stop me coming here.

    I am in a similar situation to you. I moved to Berlin from London, my home town, and have been working through the challenges of living in a new country, with no language etc., My girlfriend, who I have been working through my challenges with porn, and intense desires for other women, has been away for a month. Our usual practice of Tantric Sublimation (having sex atleast twice a week, with me ejaculating once every couple of weeks or so, when I choose to) was interrupted. So no porn, or masturabation for three and half months, and her away for a month. I came to feel a huge build up of sexual desire. I'm training Muay Thai, swimming, ground fighting, and trying to just breath in the beauty of women as they pass me by, or interact with me.

    But one night it became so strong I stayed awake until 0600. It was the night before I was due to communicate to my girlfriend's housemate that me and her will be moving in together soon, so he should prepare. For me, this is crossing the Rubicon in our relationship. It was a moment of commitment to something I fear greatly. The first few hours, I did as you did, scrolling through escort pages. Coming within seconds of hiring a call girl. Something I have never done before. After that, I used porn and masturbated seven or eight times.

    We have to find ways to support one another. What took me over the edge was that I was alone, with no one I felt I could reach out to about such a thing. About a thing I had such shame for and felt I was beyond help with. Even though I work with men in men's groups. We, humans, are strange. Not truly masters of our selves. We need others to help us maintain and keep us sane.

    You have done well. Stay the course.

    I strongly advise attending men's groups or finding an accountability partner, someone you can talk to, or at least message, when the urge becomes overwhelming.

    It also has helped me to begin my old behavior of complimenting women I meet throughout the day. It was something I had stopped myself doing recently, from fear interacting with women in this way would lead me to be unfaithful to my partner. For example, say you pass a woman in a co-working space, and appreciate her breasts because of the tightness of her top. Don't deny, or feel the need to try and make a move. Just breath it in. Enjoy the energy it gives you. Honour her. Honour your desire. Allow it to move and create more opennes in the world. If you practice, you can even feel the heave and beauty in the weight of her breasts. Imagine feeling them as if though they were you're own. And then compliment her on the top. I did just this the other day, and the woman I said it to lit up, the other two women with her as well. The whole area around the coffee maker lit up with energy. And the girls began complimenting and giggling with one another.

    It gave me a lot of relief and energy to do so, and made me immediately grateful for women, my woman, and desire itself.

    Reach out if you need support. That's what this place is about.
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2019
    William Wallace likes this.
  9. Vet81

    Vet81 Fapstronaut

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    First of all congrats on being so self aware at such a young age.
    For me , i went through a phase where I'd browse escort sites almost daily, but tell myself that it wasn't porn and it wasn't m so it was ok...
    But I came to nofap and started my day count after deciding that escort sites are basically a form of porn for me. They often led me to porn , webcams , or just obsessive fantasizing.
    I can only say what's good for me but I think that the whole sex industry (porn, hookers, strippers , etc etc.) is based on fantasy and I'm trying to get back to reality. As a young man I avoided approaching women cuz I was too afraid of rejection...and I didn't even realize when women were flirting with me .

    If I were 21 again (if only!!) I'd go approach a bunch of women my age and ask them out , eventually one will say yes!!!! Good luck. Have a great day. Ciao!
    Be patient you have many years ahead of you!
     
    William Wallace likes this.
  10. mik555

    mik555 Fapstronaut

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    It feels really good to have so many brothers supporting me. We all actually support each other.

    I want to update you, guys.
    Since that time with the prostitute I've been having many urges (not about fapping, that's weird, I think I finally got over fapping, but about meetings, not good ones..) I think that when I started the NoFap journey I imposed to myself only not to fap, and now that I relapsed that time I'm understanding I have to make another step which is pornography in general and escorts. Remember, even browsing escort websites is pornography!

    I understand that loneliness is a big part of this, and I'm trying to write down some things that could help me on it. I am confident, funny, loyal, but for some aspects of my personality and the reasons I explained about my situations, I found myself alone most of the time.

    The thing we all have to understand, is that we are HUMANS! We are animals, and we have urges, I think that's normal. The process we're all going through is something more, that's why it is special, I think. It takes an enormous effort to achieve this wonderful self development, and that's the reason why it feels so good after.

    I will be answering all of your comments later on, as I want to reply properly one by one instead of only write something short.

    Thank you all!
     
    OneDayAtATime69 likes this.
  11. Feed the Mind

    Feed the Mind Fapstronaut

    Hi Mik,

    Not sure if that was the first time you've seen an escort. I've been struggling with an escort habit for a few years now and personally, I find escorts to be more of a problem than PMO, your brain now knows that escorts are an option and it will make you less motivated to work on yourself and meet women. When you see an escort you are getting the reward (sex) without having to be charming or attractive, in the contrary, you are rewarding yourself for being lonely, unattractive and needy. The escort habit and the PMO habit feed each other and make it more difficult to escape. After going weeks, months without PMO, that's when escorts become super tempting and after you've seen one escort seeing a second one is easier and eventually it becomes as normal as PMO. You'll start to know where your favourite escorts are and their rosters, you'll drive nearby and get triggered, don't do that to yourself.

    I would say avoid escorts, I think if you stop early it won't be as difficult later on. It's a very expensive habit, and not just in terms of money but physical (std's) and mental health (reinforcing problematic behaviours).
     
  12. RAWMagic

    RAWMagic Fapstronaut

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    A very expensive habit. Why not redirect that money towards therapy, coaching and investing in yourself? An hour with a cheap escort is several hundred, no? I charge guys €750 for radical transformation coaching with women and their purpose. I'm sure with the money you spend on a regular escort habit you could hire a coach and go to plenty of seminars and retreats to heal your pain, improve your game, and become a bad motherfucker instead of a chump.
     
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  13. mik555

    mik555 Fapstronaut

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    I didn't really feel as I lost anything, fortunately. Many people do that and it's no good as it puts you down, it lets you think you're not good enough, you can't make it etc. I think keeping the track it's a good way to be solid for now, I am proud to see the counter going up ahah.


    Since that time where I yielded I am veeery clean. I took "orgasm" off the PMO and let the counter going on. I have another counter, though, where I started again.



    I have to say I don't agree with that. Mostly because a key point of a PMO free life is to become successful and have a linear life. Paying someone to have sex instead of going through the whole process of meeting a girl, seduction, asking her out etc it's not quite linear.

    Thank you for the comment!






    Thank you very much for this comment! I really appreciate it!

    I want to say that since that day, as I replied even before to another comment, I am much happier with my life. It was a mistake, alright, and I provided myself with answers to feel better.

    I actually attend a salsa course, but it's only once a week. These weeks I'm quite busy with uni and that's good.

    Completely clean since that day!



    I was definitely hiding from something, which in most cases is loneliness. Being alone in your room, with nobody to talk to. Regarding the day counter: I am keeping two day counters. One, that is the one on this site, is the one that signs the day since I started this journey. The journey does include relapses and everything. It's just to have in mind "that's the day since I decided to change everything". The second one, instead, is about the actual number of days I am going without orgasm, and pornography let's say.



    Very touching and motivating story.

    Can I ask you in what ways this journey changed the relationship with your girlfriend? and how?

    I am having much more understanding for all of it now, and I'm glad to have so many people sharing their stories and motivate me.




    Browsing escorts websites is actually a form of pornography. Pornography is the portrayal of sexual subject matter for the exclusive purpose of sexual arousal, taken from wikipedia. And yes, it is a form of addiction.

    I don't have lack of confidence regarding asking girls out. But I don't ask any girl out because now that I started this journey, while following some very interesting youtube channels, I am giving more importance to myself, and I want a freaking amazing girl for myself. I don't think I am for everybody. I don't feel better than anyone but I just want my partner to be as """"high level""" as I feel.
     

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