Drug Sex and Love Sex

The only thing I would point out is that you aren't having any type of sex when you PMO. You are literally just playing with yourself to a computer screen, it's not sex. The reason it is 'exciting' is because your brain is addicted. The reason the actual sex you are having in real life isn't as exciting as participating in your addiction, is because everything in your life becomes dulled and boring compared to the neurochemical soup your brain is swimming in when you use your drug of choice. This isn't about two types of "sex", this is about you losing your ability to enjoy real life pleasures because you have jacked up your brain chemistry with your constant playing with yourself to pixels.

 

I know a thing or two about fucking. What is "love sex" like?

 

My point wasn't that here aren't different kinds of sex, of course there are. My point was that PMO is NOT sex at all. I notice many men who use P fall into the trap of really buying into what P claims to sell- the idea of 'having sex with lot's of beautiful women'. In reality it couldn't be further from the truth. You are NOT having sex with the women on the screen- you are literally playing with yourself to pixels. You are jerking off to images of women whom A; aren't even actually being sexually pleasured and B; are most likely out of your league in real life as a middle aged married guy. The ironic part is, do it enough and you will likely become impotent when actually sex is a possibility. It's actually quite pathetic when you think about it. I think most addicts need a bit of a wake up call that they aren't giving up some 'exciting sex life' or something, they are giving up a habit that they likely would have matured out of years ago if porn hadn't kept them emotionally and sexually stunted in an adolescent state. A habit that will possibly actually rob you of your capability to even have sex, if your habit continues unchecked.

 

You're onto something when you mention the non-porn related "drug sex" activities. There were kinky things I did with my wife that were a more intense high than even the porn was. But when it came to normal sex, my body couldn't respond.

So yeah, I used to think porn was the only thing screwing my head up. Porn carries the majority of the blame to be sure, but I discovered that the "extreme" sexual situations without porn could be just as harmful to my brain.

 

I have two responses to this:

1) On one hand I agree, other kinds of sexual behavior can cause sexual desensitization/tolerance. In particular research on masturbation has found that it decreases real-life sexual pleasure, and fantasy may do the same thing.

2) However, real-life sexual activity will not initiate the deep neurological consequences that porn addiction can, such as desensitization and hypofrontality. This is especially true for those of us young enough to have started internet porn in adolescence.

 

Well, speaking from a neurological perspective, they've found sex gives one of the highest dopamine increases possible (remember that dopamine = motivation, attention, and pursuit of rewards, not necessarily pleasure), as high or higher than porn, but dopamine in sex generally goes down quickly, within the first few minutes. But when watching porn, the user can click to a new video (and possibly new genre) at the first sign of boredom, keeping dopamine levels high during the entire session. It's not one spike in dopamine that causes desensitization but rather dopamine being kept high perpetually. It's hard to replicate this level of novelty with sex. However, if someone frequently had sex with new women, and new sex acts frequently, this could probably cause addiction and desensitization. But since novelty and availability are still lower than porn, I find it difficult to believe the same severity of symptoms can occur. I had general desensitization so bad I was basically completely numb to all pleasure of all kinds, and hypofrontality so bad I couldn't function. I haven't heard of a sex addict who doesn't watch porn experiencing the same level of symptoms reported by porn addicts, but I can't dismiss the possibility off-hand.